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Bianca
Master August 2019 Ontario

How Did You Pick Your Bridal Party?

Bianca, on April 16, 2018 at 23:29 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 72
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Hey there hey!

Since getting engaged I've been constantly asked "who's going to be in your bridal party?", and I've been constantly replying with "it depends". There's so many factors that are personally going into my bridal party: how many groomsmen is my fiancé having? Do we want to keep it family-only? Am I going to ask too soon?

How did you all decide who you wanted (or didn't) want up there with you on your special day?

Do you have any regrets on early choices you made?

Did you get any loved ones who did not want to be up there with you?

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72 Comments

Latest activity by Elaine, on February 10, 2019 at 23:22
  • Elaine
    Beginner December 2020 Ontario
    Elaine ·
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    We have just started planning our wedding. It's been interesting so far. It's a 2nd wedding for both of us. We are in our 50s. So things will be a bit different and small. I'm having a very hard time coming up with a few people to be in my wedding. I've moved a lot and haven't managed to get close to anyone yet. Making new friends as an adult is hard! Hahahha!
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  • Helen
    Frequent user September 2018 British Columbia
    Helen ·
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    I chose my best friend as my MOH- no brainer. We were only going to do one each side, but I felt obligated to ask my sister to be a BM. That night she was very opinionated and rude about everything I mentioned about the wedding. I am glad I waited it out, she also isn't the kind that will keep me calm, I'll probably be running after her (my parents 50th is a month before and she wants me to plan all of it !) He picked 2 so I felt I had to even it out being so small. So then I chose my Bro'smaid who holds such an amazing part of my heart that I can't wait to see him that day. He lives 6 hrs away in Oregon so he can't help much but can offer some great perspective, ideas and always travels with flask, which is a god send in itself.


    If you are not in a rush , or doing a destination they have to save for, or some other valid reason, really think hard about your choice before you make it official. Get some ideas of what you want in the grand scheme of your vision before you have a million opinions. You don't want to demote someone and not everyone has the desire to wrangle a large bridal party; alternately a big party can provide a lot of help (or not based on many threads here). Since we have 40 guests putting 8 on each side would leave pretty much no one in the seats so small was an easy choice but large makes for amazing pics.

    OK so I was not helpful , at all, but whatever the choice it will be the best for you and the FH


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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    It sounds like you have the dream team for a bridal party! I love your reasoning for each of them and their amazing qualities they can bring to your special day Smiley smile

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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    There's so much thought and effort going into your bridal party and you have so many people to consider! I totally understand your reasoning for some of your decisions - especially the friend who didn't include you in hers.

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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    I think the lopsided-ness will be unnoticed with all that love supporting you on your big day!

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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    That's such a beautiful reason to pick someone to stand up there next to you on your wedding day. I've thought a lot about that too lately and am definitely re-evaluating my top contenders.

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  • Jayden
    Beginner June 2018 Alberta
    Jayden ·
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    Hey Bianca,

    I have told this to many of my friends who have gotten married, and many who recently got engaged.

    The way I chose my bridal party was not based upon family or who had been my friend the longest. But who I knew would be there to hold me accountable to the vows I make to my Fiance when it is hard.

    We had both chosen three people, and they have all been so amazing!!!

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  • Krista
    Frequent user July 2018 Alberta
    Krista ·
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    I picked ...

    my oldest friend - who know's me best!

    my friend who is incredibly organized (she's a teacher)

    and my friend who always makes me laugh and lighten up


    They all play a big role in my life and will help me in their own respective ways on my big day!

    I picked 3 cause Scott also had picked 3. The choice was then simple!

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  • Genis
    Frequent user January 2019 Alberta
    Genis ·
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    I have 2 MOH’s my sister of honour & friend of honour. I have 2 cousins and 1 good friend. A couple regrets on a cousin because we sometimes can be strained & with my sister as we are very strained but I know I would regret it in the future.

    I also have guilt for including 1 of 3 cousins from the sa,e family (we grew up as sisters) but my further hubbys side only has 3 atm so to have 7 bridesmaids was too much. Plus as it’s destination for us 1 of them said they couldn’t Co,means the other is unsure, I didn’t want them to feel,pressured in coming if they 1 can’t make it or 2 didn’t really want to come.

    I have a couple friends I left out but both didn’t include me as a bridesmaid so, must admit, I was very hurt by 1. She also can’t come to the wedding so didn’t want pressure for them to come if they couldn’t or didn’t want to.


    It wa actually a much harder decision than I thought with lots of close cousins Smiley sad

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  • Shelly
    Curious June 2019 Ontario
    Shelly ·
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    He's one off of mine so we will be lopsided!
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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    That's a great way to do things! I've been struggling with this but my mom keeps insisting that people will help out because they want to (I.e. her, my aunt, my FMIL, etc.).

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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    Absolutely! I've heard so many horror stories about bridal party issues, so this is why I'm personally waiting before I ask anyone.

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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    That's such a big, loving number! Will your FH match your numbers?

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  • Michelle
    Newbie October 2018 Ontario
    Michelle ·
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    Same, decided not to have a bridal party to keep it stress-free and we also didn't want to seem like we were favouring one person over another. If we need help from family and friends on anything, I know they would help without needing certain titles.

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  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    Choosing your bridal party is the hardest based on knowing the characteristics and attitudes of the people you want to help instead of making drama which seems harder to deal around.
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  • Shelly
    Curious June 2019 Ontario
    Shelly ·
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    I have eight bridesmaids. Three are family and five are close friends. The five friends I have have all been in my life from 10-4 years so I felt confident in my decision. And since my FH has mostly family instead of friends for his groomsmen, I couldn't leave out family from mine either. It's a big bridal party - but the more the merrier!

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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    That's awesome. It's important to have those who are the most special to you up there.

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  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    We chose who we are really close to and feel are best choice.
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  • Denai
    Curious June 2019 Alberta
    Denai ·
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    I have 3 best friends so it wasn't too hard to pick them to be my bridesmaids. Two of them have been my friend for over 17 years and one of them over 8 years. I have been to other weddings where the bride has 6+ bridesmaids and I just dont have that many close friends that I know I will be friends with for life. My fiance has 4 groomsmen so our bridal party will be uneven but I dont care. I think quality is better than quantity for the sake of matching my fiance's side. I havent asked my friends to be my bridesmaids yet but they already know they are going to be my bridesmaids because we have talked about it before I even knew I was getting married! Haha.

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  • April
    Frequent user June 2018 British Columbia
    April ·
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    Ah yes!! I will definitely do that! I will BAM it. lol I'll just BAM it up like nobody's business!!

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  • Kaisha
    Super March 2019 Nova Scotia
    Kaisha ·
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    I 100% agree! Do what makes you happy

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  • Erin
    Super September 2019 Ontario
    Erin ·
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    My Maid of Honour is a man and my fiance's Best Man is a woman. It's becoming way more common these days, I think. People can think what they want, it's your day so do it your way!
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  • Erin
    Super September 2019 Ontario
    Erin ·
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    My fiance has too many friends and couldn't leave anyone out.. so we ended up with 7 per side. I had to pick a few girls I wouldn't normally have chosen, but if anything, we're closer than ever and I'm so happy with the girls that will be standing with me. I chose my two sisters, my two best friends, my best male friend to be my Man of Honour (my fiance's Best Man is a woman, so this worked out perfectly), and three of my ride-or-die girls who have been there for me through some pretty sticky situations over the years.

    I asked my fiance's sister and she said no, which I was perfectly okay with, of course. I would have been honoured to have her stand with me, but she's not the centre-of-attention type and I respect that. I just want everyone to be comfortable.
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  • Kaisha
    Super March 2019 Nova Scotia
    Kaisha ·
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    I felt it was a pretty easy decision the only time I struggled was deciding if I should include my FSIL. I didn't want to offend her by not asking but decided we aren't that close so chose to leave her out. I ended up asking my sister as MOH, my close friend who's local and my cousin who I'm super close with as a brides-man. My FH i think had a hard time, I think he was worried about not being traditional as he chose two of his best friends (both women) for his party.

    I have had a few questioning looks when people find out the only man is on my side and that the numbers are uneven but I don't care. We are happy with our decisions.

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  • Leah
    VIP April 2019 British Columbia
    Leah ·
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    Similarly, we are asking fam/friends to travel to celebrate with us. So we feel that’s a big enough ask of folks and have opted not to have a wedding party. My besties and close female cousins will be welcome to hangout and get ready with me. Same goes for my FH. The ones we’d have “chosen/given titles to” will be there and that’s enough for us.
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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    It’s a “Back After Marriage” post detailing how your wedding day went (with pictures too!) ☺️

    Lol I’m glad I’m not the only one. My FH is more unexcitable than me so in comparison I might appear excited lmao.
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  • April
    Frequent user June 2018 British Columbia
    April ·
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    What is a BAM?

    Oh my FH isn't excitable either lol. I keep saying "ARE YOU SO EXCITED????" and he says "yep".

    buahahahah I'm driving him crazy with my excitement!

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  • A
    Newbie June 2020 Ontario
    Alyssa ·
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    I've had mine picked since I was a kid, my two sisters and one friend. My FH has a sister too. So all my sisters will be brides maids, and my friend will be MOH.
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  • Emily
    Devoted November 2018 Ontario
    Emily ·
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    The drama of picking was something I wanted to avoid, so we decided not to have a bridal party at all. We are our own bridal party Shania Twain style: party for two.


    My FH is 1 of 4 children and we will have the help a bridal party would provide anyway without the stress and titles. My sister is my "maid of honour" and my FH brother is his "Best man" but all we expect them to do is witness for us. Otherwise they just have sibling duties Smiley smile
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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    I'm always a little envious when I hear people say how excited they are because I'm just not an excitable person lol.

    I hope you post a BAM because I think it would be really lovely to see the combination of both families and you and your FH on your special day Smiley smile

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  • April
    Frequent user June 2018 British Columbia
    April ·
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    Oh *blushes* thank you!! Im pretty excited. Im just giddy really. I finally get to be married to the love of my life. There are so many things in life i thought i would do experiences etc, that i know now, i simply will never have. But this is something i never ever guessed i would get to do, and im doing it, and im just so over the moon rediculously stupid excited!!

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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    That's a really nice number. And wow! 5 kids, that's amazing!

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