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Michelle
Super September 2018 Alberta

Seating assignment dispute

Michelle, on January 31, 2018 at 15:06 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 42

Hi ladies,

I have yet to send out invites will be going out late Feb/early March. But my mother has voiced her opinion on how she wants the guests to be sat and I DO NOT plan on going with her opinion. She didn't like that I disagreed with her idea and we are arguing about it.

So as many ppl know when the dinner comes most ppl are mixed up you will be sitting with ppl you know and ppl you don't know. My mother says I HAVE TO SEAT EVERYONE TOGETHER: my cousins and aunts/uncles together. I told her no I won't be everyone will be split up within reason, there is language barrier so I said the ones that don't speak English will sit together but those that do speak English will be split up. She then says, "No you have the bride's side and the groom's side." I told her yeah during the ceremony but at dinner once the "I dos" have been said, we will be one big family. She then goes on with "You know this entire wedding you have been doing everything you want and we haven't said a word (that's a fat lie. She has voiced her opinion about pretty much everything), the least you could do is honor our wishes for this part."

She went as far to say "well if this is how you are doing it then you could call your cousins and ask their opinions." ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! That's too many opinions no I'm not calling them! They are adults they can learn to interact with other ppl (my youngest cousin is 18)!

I am so MAD! She clearly, even at this stage, does not approve of my choice of husband after these 5 years...have you ladies experienced this? How did you handle it?

42 Comments

Latest activity by Michelle, on February 7, 2018 at 15:59
  • Michelle
    Super September 2018 Alberta
    Michelle ·
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    Thank you for your support Smiley smile makes it easier to stand up to her when I everyone here agrees that her request is quite ridiculous and really not reasonable.

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  • Jessica
    Super March 2018 Ontario
    Jessica ·
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    Sorry you're having some trouble with your mom.

    My mom knows me and that I'll do what I want, so she just goes with the flow..thankfully!

    It's definitely your decision, and you should do what you'd like, regardless of what your mom says. It sounds like you're able to stand up to her, so I'd keep up with your plan. Ultimately, your mom will hopefully just come and enjoy the company she has at the reception!

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  • Michelle
    Super September 2018 Alberta
    Michelle ·
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    Indeed haha

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  • Erin
    Master September 2017 Ontario
    Erin ·
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    Agreed! everyone has their two cents.


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  • Michelle
    Super September 2018 Alberta
    Michelle ·
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    We only have about 120 coming (maybe less) as well. I sort of started creating a small idea of where I want "VIP" to sit (parents, elderly etc). We really don't have any kids coming either there are 3 minors total youngest is a 1.5 month old, my FSIL said she will hire a babysitter and baby will be in the hotel room not part of the wedding festivities. The other kids are over 13 so I'm allowing it that way as they are older.


    If my family was closer with my future in-laws I wouldn't mind going with my mom's wishes but the fact that my parents haven't even had a sit down meal with my future in-laws makes me completely against her wishes. My dad hasn't formally met my FH's parents yet and my parents keep making excuses as to why they can't go to dinner (friends in town from China, dentist/doc appt, someone is sick, made plans before hand). And my mother keeps getting pissed off I keep "pushing" her to have dinner....UGH!

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  • Michelle
    Super September 2018 Alberta
    Michelle ·
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    Too much stress haha and it's family and too many opinions that make it so stressful too which is the sad thing.

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  • Brittany
    British Columbia
    Brittany ·
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    Reading this thread has made me so beyond grateful for the very small push backs I've gotten from my mom so far.

    I'm a crazy person, and I used my Wedding Wire app to create a 'faux' seating chart already, 11 months before my wedding, before the invitations have even gone out, let alone RSVPs coming back (we only have 120 people, so all are close family that will most likely come).

    My opinion is: it's your day. You know what you want. You're not going to purposely make anyone uncomfortable (I'd hope)... so people can live with it. I feel a little badly with mine, as I've taken an easy route and sat family units together (all adults, we aren't having kids at the wedding)... but once dinner is done, everyone's up and dancing and socializing anyways!

    Remind yourself that a year after the wedding, your mom will probably get over it... but there's a good chance you will regret caving to her wishes for a lot longer than that. Good luck!!

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  • Erin
    Master September 2017 Ontario
    Erin ·
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    Yes wedding stress definitely led me to thoughts of elopement as well.


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  • Michelle
    Super September 2018 Alberta
    Michelle ·
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    Shit! that sucks I'm sorry to hear. Yeah there will be almost NO wedding talk around her unless she asks me directly then I'll answer but it will be short and vague answers nothing concrete so she can't start butting in....Family makes this whole process more stressful than it needs to be.

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  • Jen889
    Devoted May 2018 Quebec
    Jen889 ·
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    This is EXACTLY why i banned my mom from wedding activities and planning. I decided this after i told her not to open her mouth about my wedding dress to my best friend and MOH (long story short, bought the dress without my BFF and she got super emotional and upset). I take my mom dress shopping with my BFF, i leave to go to the washroom, my mom opens her mouth and ruins the day. Shes not offered to pay for anything so far so, in MY opinion, she has no right to complain about anything.


    I saw my mom the other day. She gets mad that i threw an engagement/housewarming party and didn't invite her. We hosted this housewarming for friends only. Only family that was there was my brother. Basically told her that the WHOLE family has sucked with anything wedding related. Noone offered to throw an engagement party or my bridal shower. I'm planning my own bridal shower with the help of my brothers GF and my BFF. My mom blames the engagement party on my dad and that she couldnt get ahold of him. my parents have been divorced for 6 years, he never answers your calls so why even try to blame him!!

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  • Michelle
    Super September 2018 Alberta
    Michelle ·
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    Thanks. I still think about eloping a lot but hubby wants the whole big party shi-bang!

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  • Erin
    Master September 2017 Ontario
    Erin ·
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    Well I am glad that you are strong and can handle it all!


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  • Michelle
    Super September 2018 Alberta
    Michelle ·
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    Will do!

    She has never improved of my FH, she lets me know in very sutle ways. Either little sayings, "oh well you chose him so you're stuck with him." "oh well you already made your choice....."


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  • Michelle
    Super September 2018 Alberta
    Michelle ·
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    It does. Future mother in law has small opinions nothing major to damper the mood at all. Future in laws are go with the flow type of ppl as well.

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  • Michelle
    Super September 2018 Alberta
    Michelle ·
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    Yup just gotta do what I need to do.

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  • Erin
    Master September 2017 Ontario
    Erin ·
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    It sucks that your mum isn't being supportive of your wedding wishes! It is sometimes hard to get it through people's heads that your wedding is not the avenue for them to fix all the problems they had with their wedding or that things have changed.

    I don't think you will have a problem standing up for yourself and your vision! Get after it girl! I am a little confused though how an argument about the seating arrangement means she doesn't approve of your FH. Anyway, just keep standing up for yourself and avoiding the wedding talk is a good idea!

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  • Tatiana
    Expert April 2018 Ontario
    Tatiana ·
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    I have to say i am pretty lucky since my parents are going witht he flow type of people, at the end of the day go with what makes you and your FH happy on the night. Hope you find a happy medium cuz having a grumpy mother on the night of your wedding can be a damper too.

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  • Candace
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Candace ·
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    My future mother in law does not approve of me and has been doing this to my fiancé since we got engaged so thankfully I don’t have to deal with it. If I did though, I would just be honest and tell her how I felt and point out that I want a family atmosphere and everyone being separated all night doesn’t give you that, in fact it’s quite the opposite, maybe split the tables half and half so it’s a bit of both if you want a compromise but only if you are ok with that
    its your day and ultimately it is what you want, just be honest with her
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  • Michelle
    Super September 2018 Alberta
    Michelle ·
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    They are covering photographers but after I told her the price it looked like she wanted to back out of paying the cost. Total will be $3800 for the photographers she was expecting like $600 (keeps comparing my prices to her wedding 20+ yrs ago)

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  • Michelle
    Super September 2018 Alberta
    Michelle ·
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    Agreed! the least we can do is make sure us and the FH is happy!

    -sigh- us brides have a tough job!

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  • Tradingabyss
    Frequent user August 2018 Ontario
    Tradingabyss ·
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    The way I feel is that if they’re not paying or contributing they don’t have a say, if they are paying and helping, then they should have a say
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  • Courtney
    Super July 2018 Ontario
    Courtney ·
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    Can't keep everyone happy is what I always try and remember.

    I'm lucky my parents are pretty good.. his mum has been the really difficult one. Keeps telling me how sad the wedding will be cause his sister isn't a bridesmaid. I'm honestly not sure if she realizes the day isn't about her three kids, but is about my FH and ME lol.

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  • Michelle
    Super September 2018 Alberta
    Michelle ·
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    Haha I hope so! Thank you for your confidence!

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  • Carol
    Super March 2018 Ontario
    Carol ·
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    Lol I have a feeling that you are going to be just fine. Smiley sexy
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  • Michelle
    Super September 2018 Alberta
    Michelle ·
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    She thinks her flexibility is allowing me marry someone she doesn't approve of pretty much.

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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    Good idea! Your mother needs to understand that this is YOUR wedding and the final say should be of you and your fiancé. I know every parent is different, but she needs to be flexible.
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  • Michelle
    Super September 2018 Alberta
    Michelle ·
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    Absolutely agree, I'll be mixing it up based off interests, language barrier, and age.

    But that will be officially started once RSVP's start coming back after invites are sent out.

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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    I’d say mix people up within reason. It’s your wedding so you and your fiancé should be the ones making major decisions like this because seating sets the tone. If you have a table of people who don’t know each other and/or have nothing in common, they’ll be miserable and remember that (this coming from someone who experienced that).

    Best of luck to you, I haven’t gotten to that point in my planning but I am not looking forward to it lol.
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  • Michelle
    Super September 2018 Alberta
    Michelle ·
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    No kidding! Honestly.....ugh! Thank you!!!! I just want to tell my mother to F*** off! But that would cause even more drama, I told her I will handle it as a somewhat more polite way of F*** off and she was NOT happy with that response... OMG

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  • Michelle
    Super September 2018 Alberta
    Michelle ·
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    No Kidding!!! Like shut up and enjoy this free party and DINNER! Sometimes I want to tell my mom you do realize it's $44 a plate?! So damn right we are doing what we want as will be spending @ least $25,000 of our own money!

    Yup I'm avoiding all wedding talk with my mother now unless asked directly and I will keep the answers short and directly to the point. My future mother in law even said it might be best to avoid the wedding topic if you can around her. I couldn't agree more.

    The worst is when my mom pulls the "well I asked my friends & co-workers about (said topic within wedding) and they agree with me." UGH! Like these ppl don't know me and I don't know them so I really don't care what they think. I swear us brides need therapy after the planning!

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  • Carol
    Super March 2018 Ontario
    Carol ·
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    But it will "Feel" like "Forever" to them lmao. Luck Luck Luck and more Luck being sent your way.Smiley laugh

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  • Courtney
    Super July 2018 Ontario
    Courtney ·
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    You think they'd all just be happy for us! Silly parents.

    But if you call them on it they're like 'OF COURSE WE ARE HAPPY FOR YOU. Why are you being so defensive!'


    I've actually found that I just don't show anyone or talk to anyone about my plans unless directly asked. lol

    Least my FH likes all my ideas (or is smart enough to just smile and nod)

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