Wedding planning fights

My fiance would have been happy with us just eloping LOL!
My family not so much 🤣🤣🤣

I think there should be a compromise. I would suggest not throwing a gigantic wedding of 300+ people but also, running off to city hall and signing a paper then grabbing a slice of pizza and a beer would not be fair to you either. Compromising and finding a middle ground is not only practice for marriage but practice for any relationship with a person you love. You can love someone wholly and truly but that doesn't mean you'll always agree on anything - this being an example! Whether it's a wedding, where to eat for lunch, or what kind of dog you guys should get, there will always be disagreements in a relationship and compromising means having to let go a little bit of something from both sides!

View quoted message Thanks so much for sharing your experience and advice

View quoted message Amanda, Thanks so much for sharing your experience and advice

View quoted message Bianca, thanks so much for sharing your experience and advice

View quoted message Vinod, thanks so much for sharing your experience and advice

View quoted message Candace, thanks so much for sharing your experience and advice

View quoted message Erin, thanks so much for sharing your experience and advice

View quoted message Lolita, thanks so much for sharing your experience and advice

Jenn, thanks so much for sharing your experience and advice

I understand completely! My brand new husband seriously did not care about the planning process. It really shouldn't have been a surprise, any project that we've completed in the past, he has taken a more hands on "DO" approach on the specific day, and it's been typically up to me prepare, decide, troubleshoot, etc in advance. The best bet (in my case) was to just eliminate things that weren't a priority and try to pick things and places that he would prefer.

Maybe you guys could book a less formal venue? If he wants laid back/casual and you would prefer a formal dinner, you could look into booking a cute little Italian restaurant. You get a customized menu and sit down meal, he gets pizza and fewer forks at each place setting... As far as the reception program is concerned, you guys could each get a few vetos or non-vetos (??). He could scrap the first dance/parent dances, in return you get to keep the speeches. He could scrap the cake cutting, and you get to keep a "shorter version" cocktail hour. The list can go on.

I do totally empathize. The exciting/fun planning experience that I had pictured just didn't unfold as I had hoped, but it was a beautiful and perfect day nevertheless! Good luck to you!

Hi, I know that planning could be difficult and of courese there is could be some fights between newlyweds. But try to speak with your loves. explain your thoughts and find compromiss.

I'm sorry your feeling down about this whole process. I think you need just talk it out. Try to figure what he is stressing out about the most ie budget, unnecessary grandeur ( in his eyes) then reassure him that together you guys got this. Like the ladies have suggested make a list of must haves, can do without and a meet in the middle like he can wear a suit instead of a tux as an example.

My fiance was the same way at first, he would have been fine with a city hall wedding and a big party after. It all changed when we started touring venues and he realized he did in fact care about where we got married. Along the way there have been things that we have not agreed on but we managed to compromise. He didn't want to do a first look but I did, eventually we agreed that we could do some cool photos at night and just have the photographer stay later instead of come early.

Compromise is the key to keeping happiness within the couple. Get what you both like yet within a budget and keep the details on the low cost if that can work. The planning is more of the details you envision for the day and your FH just sees some of the outlook of the cake design, rings and some décor.

For the most part, there are most in your position where we feel the husband to be doesn't see everything we do for the planning process. The big decisions are the ones to make and come in the middle to be fair.

He will give in to you in a reasonable way to find that medium keeping you happy. Just be patient throughout the planning and hear him out adjusting options that will still balance your budget.

Compromise is key. I think planning a wedding together is the preview of marriage and a lifetime of having to compromise for the one you love. It doesn't mean that you will never win, but it means that you have to consider the other person and reach something you can both agree on.

Don't get me wrong, I think a lot of us have been "brainwashed" to think that we need this and that and that the wedding is about the bride (I couldn't tell you how many times I refer to our wedding as MY wedding), but it definitely isn't just about one person. You still have over a year ubtil your wedding, but you should agree on a venue ASAP so you can begin to plan the rest.

I definitely think it should always be a compromise.. No one person should have to bend more than the other.. Having said that, you aren't being unreasonable. It's not like he wants nothing and you want a wedding at a castle.. you want something small and simple, so I'm having a hard time seeing what his issue with that is. You both need to sit down and maybe make a list of what is REALLY important to each of you and things are total deal breakers for each of you and try and find a happy middle ground.

It should always be a compromise. A wedding is the celebration of the marriage of TWO people. Regardless of who is more into the planning and whatnot it should always be about both the bride and groom. I would never just assume my fiance needs to cave into what I want just because I'm the bride and I'm planning the wedding. Almost every bride cares more about how the wedding looks and comes together but that's no reason the groom should be left out. Society does glorify the idea of the bride being the most important part of the wedding, it's BS and I've never understood that. You and your fiancé should sit down together and make a list of things that he wants a say in and what he is okay with you doing whatever you want. But even when he says you have free reign always consult him first. Groom's always feel left out, even if they prefer that, it's nice for them to see you want their opinion even if you know he is going to say do what you want.

Tori makes some great points! I had always dreamed of my wedding growing up. When I finally got engaged, some of those visions changed because I actually had the groom to consider! My husband was fairly unenthusiastic about our wedding planning. I did most of the research on venues and photographers and then asked for his input. We found a venue we both loved, photographers we both really wanted. It was not how I had pictured it as a child but it did suit us as a couple.
Now, it seems like you are in a different position because your fiancé also has ideas, just different from yours. One thing we did was each decide on three things that were the most important and that’s where we spent our money. I think you can adapt that for your situation. You choose the three most important things and he chooses the three most important to him. If there is overlap, you compromise. If there isn’t, whoever wrote it gets to decide. For example, you both wrote venue as most important so you choose a venue you both like (or both feel neutral on). You wrote flowers, he wrote cake so you can decide on the flowers and he chooses the cake.
In the end, the goal is to be married to each other for life. The wedding is one day of that.
We had a lot of stuff go wrong on our wedding day. But, we still got married. The day was not how we had planned, but the same goal was achieved. And now, nine months after our wedding, I don’t look back and think “I wish we would’ve done it this way instead”

I totally get where you are coming from. We originally wanted a destination wedding, long story short, important people from my family couldn’t make it and I had a huge melt down. He agreed to switching to a local wedding and everything that comes with it. We compromised by doing a 2 week honeymoon instead of just a week.
He is amazing and helping now, but there were some fights early on about changing venues. Since it’s getting closer he is being more engaged and into the planning and what needs to be done.
Take it Day by day. Talking to my wedding planner she said that every couple she meets with says the same thing. Majority of guys are not really into the whole planning. Try to compromise on as much as possible. It will make things easier

I had similar issues- but he is the one who wanted the huge day! We compromised and basically each wrote 5 things that were a must to us and then worked on it from there.

You sound exactly like I did when I first got engaged!!

Try not to worry so much on what you wanted when you may have been a kid - I know that I wanted a big ballroom and the meals, cocktail hour, etc. etc. etc. but that was when I always pictured since I was 5 years old!

Now at my old age of 21 I am seeing things differently. I had to take a step back when my FH expressed the same wants that your FH is. It made me realize that I don't HAVE to have that perfect fairy tale wedding that I had always imagined.

We started looking at venues and before you knew it he started getting into the idea of the ceremony space being on the dock, and I got into the idea of having bonfires after the reception. It just fit who we were now as a couple and that's all a wedding should anyway!

A wedding is a big party for 2 people!

I'm sure once you get more into the search you will start to see what type of wedding you want vs. what you had pictured and he will start seeing just how excited he is for being able to have a big party