Wedding invites - Inlaws upset

Nope we did not use our parents names Just ours! You are invited to the wedding of......Vanessa Van Kooten and Adam Pepin.... It's your wedding.....Unless others are paying for it than you have to give others a little say but we are paying for the whole thing so they have little to no say....

I will not be using my parents names. As his parents are decided. So we might do none or we might use our kids names. He has two and I have three. So that might be to many to put on an invitation 😂
don’t feel bad hun. I’m sure you didn’t make that decision without your fiancé. So he can explain to them why you both decided against it.

My FH and I are paying for the wedding with a bit of financial assistance from his parents since they wanted us to invite aunts, uncles, and first cousins. (We were happy to invite them, but couldn't afford to pay for a large wedding on our own.)

We wanted to recognize our parents but since we are paying for most of the wedding ourselves and didn't want to single one set of parents out (my parents can't afford to help out financially at this time) we opted for "Together with their parents".

Those are gorgeous invitations! Are they paying for the wedding, and did they mention that they'd like to be on the invitation prior to you getting them done?

If the answer is no to either of those questions, don't feel bad. It isn't really about them anyway.

Such pretty invites Rosalyn! I'm glad you had a chance to talk to her and she okayed them.

We put "along with our wonderful parents" I would have liked to put names but his parents are divorced and with partners it looked pretty crowded and I just wanted simple and clean.

And happy 3.5 months (105 days) to my wedding date twin! Sh*t is getting real now am I right?

Ya the parents names are usually on the invite if they’ve paid for the wedding. My fiancé and I are paying for everything ourselves, our parents names will not be on the invites.
Haven’t sent them out yet, so I’m unsure what the reaction will be. But as long as it’s what you and your fiancé want, it’s your wedding!

Super cute invites!

I did not include our parents' names on the invite. We did them passport style, which left no room for things like that. Whether or not any of the parents were upset, they didn't tell me, but I never had intentions to include them on the invites. Maybe if I were doing more traditional things, but not really my style.

View quoted message Me too! 😂😂

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OMG right?! I say at the end of the day, as long as you and your FH are happy, the wedding will be successful. I have people telling me I need to do this and that and blah, blah, blah. So sick and tired of it!

View quoted message We honestly seem to be just offending everyone! First with the low invite list. People don’t realize how expensive weddings are - and what they are TRUELY about!

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It's such a difficult thing to figure out without offending anyone!

I think you're fine... it's the old tradition of including the bride's parents' names, as they are usually paying for it, and "presenting" their daughter for marriage...

If all of your invitations are ordered and done, don't sweat it... it's not a big deal. And it's not so much tradition anymore... It's your wedding, no need for your, or your groom's, parents names on your invite... If your FMIL is really upset, have your fiance talk to her.

If you haven't ordered them yet, you could alter the opening blurb to say something like, "Together with our loving parents, we invite you to..."

But really, unless you were doing a big grandiose invitation with calligraphy and everyone's full names... It's not necessary.

We are paying for our wedding, and did not include our parents names on the invitations.

I agree, talk to your FMIL. Do not feel bad - there is no 'right' or 'wrong' way anymore. There's traditional and non traditional, and both are acceptable now!

As we were paying for most of our wedding ourselves we did not include our parents' names on our invitations.

I think you may need to speak with your FMIL to explain that you will not be doing every in the traditional way but in the way that suits you best and that she cannot get upset with that each time it comes out.

I know the "STANDARD" is suppose to have the parents listed on the card if they are paying for all or the majority of the wedding.

Of course I think it really comes down to personal taste! I think it's easier to not have the parents listed... because I feel if you do one set then you kind of have to do the other? And then you're adding a ton of extra lines to your invites.

Maybe see if they're okay with keeping the invites as they are and then mention full names on the wedding website! Just say it was easier to keep these simple and then you are hosting their names online!

View quoted message Hmm that is a hard call. If it’s post I would think of it as a gift, not contribution. But I could totally be wrong here!

I think your invitations look lovely. I've been thinking a lot about this too since both sets of our parents are gifting us generously post-wedding, therefore I'm unsure if I would consider them paying for the wedding or not?

If both parents are paying for your wedding then yes, you'll include their name. If not, it's not necessary. I included my parents and in laws but their not paying for my wedding, it was just because I copied the template already on the sample lol.

Nope. my FH and I are paying for majority if our wedding and we opted to say "together with their families". no negative backlash whatsoever

Your reaction to her comment was perfectly normal, especially if it caught you off guard, and I'm glad you two were able to talk about it and clear the air.

We're also going the non-traditional route and leaving our parents' names out. Similar to your invites, we might even leave out our middle and last names all together!

We didn’t go the traditional route... I only learned of this after the fact. Our wedding costs are similar to yours, and I second-guessed myself for a moment as well. In hindsight, I’m glad we kept the wording more simple and neutral. Including both sets of parents sounds overly formal to us. Maybe you can incorporate their names elsewhere? For example, I’ve included both sets of parents’ names in our programs as part of the Wedding Party section.

At the end of the day, I don’t think you should feel bad. Planning a wedding is extremely difficult and involves thinking about many different aspects. If your future in laws had an expectation you didn’t know about, I wouldn’t beat yourself up about it. After 15 months of wedding planning, I can tell you that you can’t make everyone happy about every detail (whether it’s because of an honest mistake or a conscious choice!)

It really is up to you!

Traditionally, the names on the invites, are those that are hosting it/contributing financially.

So if the brides parents pay then traditionally they are included, if the couple themselves is paying, then you don't need families.

My parents have paid for a good chunk of our weddings, but his parents haven't. We knew it would upset them if we didn't include them so we wrote 'together with our families'

View quoted message I'm glad to hear she okay with it and she was teasing you a bit lol I'd be pretty sensitive to wedding things if I were that close too!

Beautiful invites!! We did something similar. That’s good she was mostly teasing. I know how things can be taken different ways by people we’re close to leading up to an event like this. Glad it’s all ok!

My FMIL actually made our invites and she put “together with their parents” on it. So no names but it did mention our parents.

View quoted message I talked to her last night about it. I said it wasn’t an intentional leave-out, that we wanted the invites non-traditional. She said she liked them, thought they were nice. Sure she wished we would have had their names on it but understood and ‘ok’d’ them. Said she was mostly teasing about the situation. Haha I think I’m just a bit sensitive about wedding stuff as I’m only 120 days away now!

Beautiful invite and is your MIL ok now after having the cards printed or still somewhat upset about the add on? Its a choice we sometimes make knowing that we consult our parents most things.

If the invites haven't been mailed yet, maybe reconsider getting second sets if needed to?

We said “together with their parents, SL and SB invite you”...etc. Both our parents are helping to pay.

We didn’t put any parents’ names on our invitations. I could understand the need for that if you were inviting some of your parents’ or in-laws’ friends who didn’t know either of you, but everyone we invited know who we are, so we didn’t think it was necessary.

I like your invite. It's pretty. What we put was "together with their families name and name request the honour of your company as they unite in marriage"

We wanted to do that. My parents are paying for half of the cost of the reception . His parents are helping with a couple of things

Thank you!
We are paying for it along with our parents. I’d say nearly half and half. I dunno. I guess at least I should have said “together with our families” 🤷🏼‍♀️

Btw BEAUTIFUL invitation!! Love it