Wedding help

It's your wedding, you should plan it how you want it. There were a few areas that I wasn't crazy about planning: centrepieces for one. I had an idea, told my mother-in-law, and she ended up taking over part of it. It worked out well! If you think your mom is going to ruin your wedding, let her know you appreciate her help, but you and your fiance have a vision for your day and you will let her know if you need help with anything. If you can, maybe give her a task (something like games for guests between the ceremony and reception: related to the wedding but you will most likely be taking pictures during this time so won't be around) so that she feels a part of the process but isn't so involved that she imparts her own ideas.

You two are putting all the financial aspect into your wedding. If your parents are putting some part of it as an offering, then let them know where it can go and how much (cost split) to share the expense.

This isn't the case, then your parents can offer to pay for other things if that makes them feel better.

In our case, my parents offered to pay for my wedding outfit and centerpieces/floral balls and money box rentals. They didn't ask for money or anything as they felt it was their gift to me. Also, my dad paid for the Welcome Dinner the night before for the families and wedding party. It was kind of him and thanked him after as we were all leaving for the venue.

Though my parents didn't have anything to worry about for the planning, I wanted them to feel financially free and less stressed (which was not as easy to do for them). In the end, they enjoyed themselves and gave me the credit for making the venue looks simple and beautiful and all the work put into it.

I’m a firm believer in “no pay, no say,” but even if someone is contributing financially, I don’t think they get to dictate or choose things the bride and groom really don’t want. Advice, encouragement and discussion - sure, but that doesn’t give them the right to choose something you hate. However, it seems like parents (intentionally or unintentionally) impose their expectations for the wedding on the bride and groom to be, regardless of their financial contribution. The “my parents gave me all the money and didn’t once complain” narrative is a rare one. My honest advice is to pay for everything if you can, and don’t discuss or invite parents to meetings or ask for input. If you can’t pay for it all, ask them to pay for things you don’t care about. We did everything and then told them once vendors were booked. They still complained about things, and still do, but it’s not like they can choose a different venue after you paid the deposit. Hoping for the best!

We are keeping our wedding a secret, but I did ask for my Mom/Sisters help picking out a wedding dress, so they did go with me (they just thought I was being proactive on the dress purchase).

That being said, even if they are paying for a portion of the wedding, I don't think they should have a say. They can have an opinion, but this is your wedding, and you do it the way that you want it.

My mom (with my first wedding) kept things to herself and didn't offer up much in the way of a say. This was because her step mother was so overbearing with her/my dad's wedding, that she ended up not having a day on anything except her dress.

I think if your parent(s) are overwhelming you, you need to be able to tell them that. If you are adult enough to get married, you should be old enough to have a frank conversation with your parents.

My dad can’t financially help out so he has helped us by storing stuff at his place and he will be delivering stuff to the venue and helping us set up and this actually meant more to me than him paying for anything so I love it.
My fiancé’s parents are going to help by paying for the bar so they think that gives them say over numerous wedding things but we have been honest with them that we want to plan our special day ourselves so that we can make it personal to us.
Not sure what is happening with your mom but I’m sure you can talk to her honestly and resolve any issues

I agree with others, not 100% sure what the underlying issue is but no matter who's paying its YOUR day! Be firm with that! My parents are helping out quite a bit with our wedding but I'm still planning it the exact way we want it! Shes asked if she can invite a few extra people and I'm 100% fine with anything like that haha!!

I'm not too sure of what you're fully asking, like with your own situation.
But for us we are paying for 80% of the wedding. My dad and stepmom paid for my dress. My mom and stepdad are paying for all the wine. And my FHs parents are paying for the rest of the booze and bar. We told them if want to contribute we told them only what they can and not to stretch themselves.

I thiiiiink this needs some more explanation.

If I try to read between the lines... I think you're saying that although your parents aren't contributing financially, your mom wants to help plan everything, and you're finding it very unhelpful, or going to ruin your wedding?

No matter who is paying, you have to put your foot down about planning and choices. That should be decided mainly between you and your fiance.

Sometimes when parents pay for the whole thing, people feel guilted into doing what they want, but that shouldn't be the case either. Being respectful of parents wishes/requests is one thing, but letting them steamroll your wedding planning is a definite no.

Lol. I’m really confused.
My mom and his parents want to help us financially but we have told them we know that they can’t afford it so we are not accepting financial help from them. They are going to help with other stuff like the planning, going shopping and setting up but even then Michael and I have it mostly under control.
What do you mean by them “helping” and your mom ruining your wedding?