Wedding Blues, Uninvited plus ones, Etc.

View quoted message Yeah. We already have it covered. Thanks.

View quoted message Having that many single guest, I can totally understand why the plus ones are not really an option. If the RSVP come back with more numbers than you assigned, I would be calling those people.

View quoted message Yeah unfortunately we are among the first ones on our guest list to be married other than family of course. But none of our friends are married. At this day and age its unusual to get married at 24 (FH is 27). So many people are waiting at least until their mid to late 30's. If your party is causing you more stress than they are helping. Can them, you don't owe them anything. Give yourself a break friend you are planning a wedding. When you ask someone to be in a bridal party they should know there are certain responsibilities that come with the position. It's not about them it's about you.

View quoted message Oh I understand the not feeding strangers. I should have stated prior, we only have 5 people on the guest list that are not married... 2 have come back already as single. If it was many than I would not have done it.
I am very tempted to tell a couple people that they are going to be replaced very soon, just need to talk to them.

View quoted message I actually just told the best man that if she doesn't get it together her position will be given to the groom's brother. And as far as plus ones I strongly disagree. Just because you know someone that I care enough about to invite to my wedding doesn't mean that you get to just tag along and get a free meal no maam. If you haven't been in a serious relationship for more than like 6 months you have no business bringing a plus one. And like I said I checked with my guests FH didn't. So it's on him. But I'm not paying hundreds of dollars to feed strangers. I don't have that kind of money.

Katelyn, I feel our pain I really do. I am at my wits end with my MOH and BM as they complain about everything, refuse to talk about the wedding plans with me. My FH just stares at my blankly when I ask about his family or his GM. I have been asked many times over about a bachelorette party or stag and doe and I can never give an answer as the wedding party does not communicate with us. I have talked to one friend and told her I'm ready to kick everyone out of the wedding party altogether just so I don't have to deal with the stress.

As for the plus ones, I have just assumed that any guest that is not married will bring a plus one. I would rather over budget than under.

What it sounds like to me is a lack of communication. You and your fiance should have discussed before sending invitations out how you are giving people plus ones (every single person, or just people in relationships,etc.) and decided together on what to say on the invitations. Specified if it was for 2 people or 1. And yes he should have found out who is in relationships or not. But if people are RSVPING now for 2 people instead of one, as long as you can afford it, you should just keep them on the list. As long as they tell you ahead of time and lot just show up lol. Always remember though that you are your fiance are a team and you're planning this wonderful, crazy event together to celebrate your love. Theres no time ot be upset with each other; enjoy it as best as you can.

And about the "useless" wedding party, honestly dont be afraid to give people specific jobs. I used to tell my bridesmaids "if someone wants to do this task this day that would be great", and when no one would reply I would get irritated and stressed. But in reality, people are busy with their own lives and they arent always available when a certain task needs to be done. If you tell each one of them specifically what you want them to do, I'm sure you will see a big difference. They will find the time to do it because they know you are counting on them specifically. I know it's easy to feel like you're the only one doing everything because sometimes it's hard to let people know what you need, but honestly once you get past that, things just flow so much quicker. At least that's what I noticed.

View quoted message Yeah everything is sorted now. And it was more that I repeatedly asked him to check including before I sent out the invitations and he stil told me to send them. But he is contacting everyone to check in with them and figure out if there are any other unplanned guests.

View quoted message Oh thanks for asking! It went so well. I'm honestly over the moon impressed with our venue they are so professional. I think it's ludacris how cheap their pricing is. And they eased a lot of my concerns. I also had my first dress alteration appt today and got to see my dress actually fit me right for the first time. Holy moly was it magical!

Hey Girl,

I am hoping this is slowly getting better for you! I would definitely sit down with your FH and try to guesstimate how many more plus ones may be attending that way you can plan accordingly for now.

I would also ask your Maid of Honour whoever that may be to step up and help you with something. Give her a task to do and ask her to assist you with it or have it done by a certain time. Your part should be people who are close to you and if they accepted a role in your party they should be willing to help !

As per your FH... Well all I can say is good luck haha, I am sure he didn'e mean to do it as this is his first time ever getting married he won't know the "proper" way in doing things, maybe next time ask him to run it by you before just sending things out!

I hope everything works out!

How did your walk through go?

View quoted message The work doesn't end until we are married right? And not even then.

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Exactly! Couldn't agree with you more!

And I keep adding to my task list haha so I never really get further ahead! I think I'm at around 75 of 115 or something like that.

View quoted message I have a day of coordinator through the venue. She is helping with some things but not stuff like this. I couldn't afford a second coordinator.

View quoted message Oh dear.

Have you considered hiring an event or wedding planner to help? You may not need them for day-of coordination, but I imagine they might be able to help here (in place of your bridal party and/or fiancé).

View quoted message I appreciate it. But if I leave it to him nothing will be dealt with. Haha

I totally get where you're coming from as my fiancé has let me do majority of the planning myself (with input, of course). I'd leave it to him to sort out the issue with his groomsmen and his guests bringing a plus one when they weren't given one. He should've been more clear with them from the get-go (and/or not have invited them if it's been years since he's spoken to them). You don't deserve to be stressed by this.

View quoted message Yeah I've been trying to get everything done early. I've got 70 something of 90 something tasks done and 100 days left so I'm feeling mostly okay. As long as everything stops going wrong (HA fat chance). I feel the same if people out of the bridal party don't come. Like who cares if the sides are uneven. All that matters is me and my FH show up

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I'm busy double-checking my guests with my FSIL to make sure everyone is included in the guest count, including plus ones.

View quoted message Yeah thanks me too! I feel like I can breathe for a moment.

I'm sorry you're going through this! My wedding is 7 weeks away and to date I've done probably 95% of the work. For the most part I've been happy to do that and have had a slow season at work where I've been able to get things done, whereas it's the opposite for my FH. He hasn't been able to (and I wouldn't trust him) to do much. My bridal party all lives across the country except for 1 bridesmaid, and she has so much going on in her life I can't ask her to do anything. My FH's groomsmen, save for 1, are horrible. One is a complete selfish a**hole and I can't stand him. We have no idea if they have their clothing, flights out here, accommodations booked, nothing. I've given up caring about them. My FH can have 1 groomsmen at this point. I'd say things get even more stressful as you get closer to. Do your best to organize and do as many things in advance that you can, that's what I've done!

I definitely get where you're coming from! My FSIL has been more helpful than my FH when it came to getting addresses for his side, and who will be bringing a plus one, etc. I also made sure my FH messaged the groomsmen about getting their suits and suggested gift ideas, but I feel like I shouldn't have to be the one doing that.

Luckily my wedding party is pretty reliable - dresses are almost all ordered (ordering online with 3-5 week shipping time) but I'm glad your MOH is on the ball now!

View quoted message Oh I see that's unfortunate. Best of luck my friend. It will be okay. If you ever need to vent I've got ears (eyes?).

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We had our photos on a Monday. Payment was due Sunday. He told me on Thursday. So, less than a week and we had to pay the full amount. We got some great photos but the added stress definitely did not help.

I'm sure it will all work out in the end. Here's hoping.

View quoted message Oh dear that is awful. I'm so sorry. How far out were the photos why couldn't you cancel? Even if you didn't get a deposit back it would still be better than spending the extra money? It's really unfortunate that he has decided to start your marriage off like this. But good for you for standing your ground. I really hope that it gets sorted out for you.

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You definitely picked the right MOH with that response! So glad she's helping out!

I feel your frustration! I'm 94 days out and I am SO done with wedding stuff. Ours isn't so much guest and bridal party issues but financial ones. (And the fact that I'm also doing it all myself with little to no help.) My fiancé promised that he'd pull his weight financially with the wedding he wanted (I wanted to elope in Banff/Lake Louise) and he has repeatedly dropped the ball. Two weeks ago was the clincher - he'd had seven months to save for the engagement photos that he wanted so badly and didn't save any. So, a few days before the payment was due (and two weeks before my next grad school tuition payment) he tells me he can't pay. It was too late to cancel. So, here I go having to use half my tuition payment to pay for the engagement session. Now I'm shuffling money from emergency funds and savings to be able to make my tuition payment. I am just done with it all. I showed him all the upcoming wedding expenses and told him that I'm not spending any more money on the wedding (except when my dress comes in) until he gets his act together. We have someone to marry us. Because of the stress I'm beyond caring about the rest at this point.

View quoted message Yeah when I first chose her. I gave her a little card that says keep the Bride calm. And she was like you clearly aren't calm so I'm not doing my job. Let me help.

View quoted message Haha thank you it's therapeutic to rant. I am feeling so much better today. And I have the big venue walkthrough today where I tell my coordinator how everything needs to look. So I'm going to relax and enjoy.

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I am glad she was able to help you! It honestly just takes that rant for people to realize they need to help more and how stressed you really are.

View quoted message I'm so glad things are better for you. I spoke to my MOH last night and she let me rant and lose my mind. Then took some responsibility from me. So this morning I feel much better. 100 days to go. I'm in the home stretch.

View quoted message I don't really have to worry about capacity. Because out guest count is under 125 and the capacity is 150. It's more of a money issue. Also totally relate to the nagging because I repeatedly told him and he was like yep I'll do it and didn't.
Unfortunately I cant even throw my guy under the bus because he is so sweet he NEVER throws me under the bus. Funny story we went to the theater and they gave me burnt popcorn (my guy doesn't like popcorn and said he thought it was fine) but I didn't want to deal with it so he took it back and asked for new popcorn. When he came back I asked if he had said that his girl made him do and he goes. No of course not I wouldn't throw you under the bus like that. I've never forgotten and I just can't be that mean. He's not good at wedding planning. But he's a good husband (I know we aren't married yet but close enough )