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Maegan
Frequent user August 2021 Ontario

We planned an adults only reception, now my FH thinks we should include his nieces. Help!

Maegan, on January 29, 2019 at 14:46 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 19
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Hello,
So our wedding planning has been going great so far. Early on we agreed on an adults only wedding with the only exception being my FH's neices as flower girls for the ceremony. I planned around this accordingly, arranged for their family photos to be taken first so then the girls could be picked up by their other grandparents. I've even offered to put them all up in a hotel that night and pay for their dinner since they'll be doing us this favour. Everyone was 100% on board. The biggest reason behind this is his nieces will be just shy of 2 and 4 at our wedding and in order for them to get a seat at the reception I would have to pay almost 60 dollars (50% of the meal) each or theyd be expected to sit on their parents laps all evening and be without their own plate.
My FH and his parents thinks it seems rude to expect them to be picked up by end of cocktail hour and they should just sit on mom and dads laps through dinner and speeches.
I think this will be extremely annoying for mom and dad and its rude to expect this of them. Not to mention they still wants the girls picked up before dancing.

How should I approach this? I love the girls I just personally don't think weddings are the best place for them. Lets face it to kids weddings are boring, especially kids this young.

19 Comments

Latest activity by Bianca, on February 11, 2019 at 23:28
  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    If the kids are at the reception (before dancing), they need their own seats and meals. It is rude of your FH and his parents to think it's acceptable to just have them "sit on someone's lap". Now, as for whether or not they should attend the dinner, well, that's really up to you and your FH to agree on.

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  • Maegan
    Frequent user August 2021 Ontario
    Maegan ·
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    Just to clarify my FH and I planned this together. We decided on adults only based off of weddings we have been too likes and dislikes and our limited guest list. He only suggested the change of plans after his parents told him they didn't agree and thought it was rude. Him and I as a couple have decided we will just talk to the girls parents and allow them to decide what they want to do. Thank you all for the advice.
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  • Shla
    Devoted October 2021 Ontario
    Shla ·
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    If it's important to your fiance, shouldn't you be open to it? I find a lot of people saying "it's your day! Stick to your guns!" But like...it's HIS day, too. If it was your parents insisting and neither one of you liked the idea, I'd agree, but if it's something HE wants, too, you may need to be flexible and accommodate his wishes, too.

    Why not let him talk to the parents and make the decision from there? Let HIM have the final say. He's part of this.
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  • Stephanie
    Master July 2018 Alberta
    Stephanie ·
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    It sounds like your fiancé was on board in the beginning so check with him on what made him change his mind. And really listen to his answer. I loved having my nephews at my wedding to celebrate with me because they are such an important part of my life. It meant having to pay $80 for them but it was a lifetime of memories for me (and they’re young so they may only remember it for a few years!). This wedding is about you and your fiancé and sometimes it’s annoying to change plans but that’s how life goes. If it’s really important to him, talk about the option with the parents. If he just thinks this because his parents thought it, then let him know why you think it’s important to keep it the way it is.
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  • Natasha
    Devoted June 2019 Ontario
    Natasha ·
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    Ask the parents their preference.
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  • Vinod
    Top August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    As a bride, I can see your point of view for adults only evening, however what about your FHs one request that is also his day since you two are becoming one. Its nice to include the girls for the wedding and the photos.

    Reception wise, they should be allowed since they are family and not everyone gets to spend time with them and see them often. It seems sad they can't be part of your day and the grandparents can't enjoy a evening because of babysitting. For the cost of 2 kids to be seated on high chairs at the venue, I don't see why they can't be there.

    I will disagree on the statement that kids are boring at weddings due to this reason. As family, its important to know that everyone you see and know should be able to spend time and have fun. I personally had family and kids welcome and let me tell you how fun it was just to see them and to see how they enjoyed themselves dancing that evening.

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  • Katrin
    Frequent user September 2019 Ontario
    Katrin ·
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    Hold your ground! But also, if it makes you feel better, I'd ask the parents. What do they want? Most parents want a break once in a while and would probably love their kids being picked up. it may solve it for you if you just ask them.

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  • T
    Curious April 2019 Ontario
    Trish ·
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    Yes! Adults only if its what you wanted and agreed on. Let's face it, kids that young are not there for their enjoyment and will not be "missing out" on anything....we are having just the flower girls stay for dinner and the thought of paying $60 for chicken nuggets and fries makes me sick!

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  • Valérie
    VIP September 2019 Quebec
    Valérie ·
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    Stick to yo' guns!

    My mom keeps nudging me about our choice to only invite our first cousins, their spouses but not their kids. She believes it to be quite disrespectful and that they'll have to deal with the blowback later.

    If people can't accept OUR decision about OUR night, that's their problem.

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  • Casey
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Casey ·
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    100% stick to your guns. We opted for an adult only ceremony and reception except for our nieces and nephews. There are 10 total ( 8 are under 10 and the other 2 are 12&14) one is our flower girl and the other our ring bearer.
    I am leaving it up to the parents of the children as to whether or not they want to keep them at the reception or have them go home with other family members.
    I haven’t even said anything to my sister about it and she is already making arrangements to have my nephew picked up. So the parents may be ok with having the girls picked up. And ultimately it is your day and you guys have final say!
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  • Amanda
    Frequent user September 2021 Ontario
    Amanda ·
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    Stick to your guns! If you are completely transparent to your reasoning and trying to be considerate of the parents then I think you have nothing to worry.

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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    I so agree with you when you say weddings are boring to kids!!

    We are only having maybe 5 kids at the wedding, two are in the wedding party, 2 would be almost 18 and 1 is under 1 year old. The wedding party kids would very likely be picked up before dinner too.

    Anywhere from the toddler stage (1+ years) to 16 years old are the kids who would be bored sitting through ceremony/dinner/speeches for multiple hours. I didn't go to any weddings when I was a kid, except my aunts/uncles where I was 6 and a flower girl. I didn't go to another wedding until I was 17 and 11 and 3/4 months old for my cousin's wedding (she was inviting kids and I was a week away from turning 18 anyways) - the cousins were also 6 years younger so many of us became adults who can drink and have fun at weddings since then.

    Sorry for my ramblings, but I would contact the parents of your nieces and let them know of your plan. Especially if they are still 100% on board with the plan, I'd stick with it. It's not rude - what's rude is expecting the parents to balance a kid on their lap/eat dinner/and enjoy the wedding

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  • L
    Curious June 2020 Ontario
    Leanne ·
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    If the parents of the kids are 100% on board with your plan, then no one else matters.

    If the parents of the kids are leaning more towards having the kids stay for dinner and leave before dancing, then what's the harm to you? You won't be paying extra or needing to entertain them, that would be up to their parents and you wouldn't be forcing it on them.

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  • Leah
    VIP April 2019 British Columbia
    Leah ·
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    Go with your gut.
    Maybe even make treat bags for the kids, with activities, and toys, and a healthy/parent approved treat.
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  • Alycia
    Expert March 2020 Ontario
    Alycia ·
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    I would trust my instincts if I were you. You sound pretty sure, and you have a point about weddings for kids that age not being the funnest. Besides Mom and Dad deserve a night out sometimes. I got babysat plenty of times while my parents attended weddings I don’t feel I missed out.

    Talk to the parents about it, and see what they prefer. Don’t worry about your FH and his parents, in the end the only ones that would feel it’s rude should be the girls parents.

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  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·
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    Stick to your guns!! If it was my wedding I would have them picked up immediately following the ceremony and pictures (then again I'm not having flower girls or ring bearers).

    This is between you, your FH, and the parents of the kids. Ask what the parents would prefer - but mention how much the dinner costs. I just know if they were to find out that the cost of supper is so high they would right away say the kids have got to go! Plus they probably want to enjoy some drinks with their meal... And you could also say due to it being a kid free wedding you can't promise that the speeches will be PG!

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  • Becky
    VIP September 2019 Ontario
    Becky ·
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    My friends were happy with ours being adult only. They said thats lots of time to figure it out. We have the exception of flower girls and ring bears. They are leaving after cocktail hour as well. Grandparents are picking up. I told everyone ahead of time and they said that was fine. Some were surprised and I stuck to my guns. I have been at weddings with kids and I don't want to stress on my day!

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  • Maegan
    Frequent user August 2021 Ontario
    Maegan ·
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    Exactly. Every other guest that has young kids has been delighted to find out this is adults only. I was worried at first but not after that.
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  • Becky
    VIP September 2019 Ontario
    Becky ·
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    I would stick to your original choice! I have had few friends opinions about kids and who have them. They would rather have a night out by themselves specially that age. It isn't rude. They have over a year notice as well. You have had this planned for a while. As you mentioned kids that age just need to be busy or they get bored too

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