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Expert January 2019 Alberta

Venting about Drama

Maya, on July 27, 2018 at 21:48 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 17

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So my mom asked to invite a plus one and her being my mom I said yes. Then I asked who she wanted to bring and she said her ex bf. I know my brother dislike this guy very much. My brother thought he was using my mom and I felt the same way. So I said I wanted her to talk to my brother before so I don’t have a lot of negativity and drama at my wedding. She then makes the comment of what would it do to her relationship if she couldn’t bring her bf because of my brother.

Being frustrated I unloaded and said fine bring him, but that my walk down the isle was going to be different as I wanted my dad to also walk me down the isle part way. She first spazzed and said fine let him walk you down all the way. I said no that’s not what I want. Then she’s like fine then I get to walk you down the last part. It’s just so frustrating, then she goes off that I shouldn’t care who peoples plus ones are or their significant others. My one cousin had her wedding a year ago and her parents are loaded so they could afford to give everyone a plus one. I told my mom that I can’t even afford to invite all my friends. My mom then spits at me that I’ll have my Oma’s inheritance by then and it’s not like I wanted to use that money for the wedding.

My my mom is just being a huge drama queen and it’s really frustrating. Anyone else have some good advice or suggestions what to do?

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17 Comments

Latest activity by Maya, on August 2, 2018 at 05:25

Expert January 2019 Alberta
Maya · On August 2, 2018 at 05:25
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She told me she’s since our conversation talked to my brother and he seemed okay with her being back together with him. I really am not sure if my brother wasn’t telling her the truth, but hopefully it doesn’t create drama.
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Master August 2019 Ontario
Bianca · On August 2, 2018 at 02:47
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I'm so frustrated for you. Your mom is being immature and completely unreasonable regarding her ex-boyfriend plus one. She should know that this would cause drama and not invite him. After all, this is YOUR day, not hers.
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VIP September 2019 Ontario
Becky · On August 1, 2018 at 11:43
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I agree with you wanting to talk to your brother as well. The walking down the isle was a nice gesture fo them each getting a section of walking you.
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Master September 2017 Ontario
Erin · On July 30, 2018 at 10:32
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I would warn your brother of the coming storm. I don't think it is right that your mother is making things so difficult but know that you will get through it.
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Top August 2017 Ontario
Vinod · On July 28, 2018 at 10:25
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Your correct about the conversation between your mom and brother being a good point. My view of the behaviour was meant towards your mom and her ex.
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Devoted August 2018 Ontario
Megis · On July 28, 2018 at 10:25
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Don't worry hang in there. If they are still on the "I'm not coming if so and so is coming" then you don't need their presence at the wedding to cause drama. As mentioned this day is about you and your fiancee. The others should be able to set aside differences
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Expert January 2019 Alberta
Maya · On July 28, 2018 at 10:20
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I know, it’s not that I said to her that she couldn’t bring him just that I wanted her to talk with my brother first. I just don’t want to be in the middle of things and I feel that it really upset me that she doesn’t think I’m going to set that money aside.
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Expert January 2019 Alberta
Maya · On July 28, 2018 at 10:17
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I know, I just had a dream about telling him and there was a big fight. For me I guess I love my brother and I don’t want him to feel negative or leave early if this guy is there. Even if he has changed it doesn’t change the fact that he was using my mom and that when we were visiting that he influenced her enough that she hardly spent any time with us. I just want her to tell my brother first. I didnt want to be the one to say, “oh yeah by the way mom is bringing him.” Wedding is like 5 and a half months away and it’s starting to become stressful.
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Top August 2017 Ontario
Vinod · On July 28, 2018 at 09:42
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Before this got pressed, i was going to mention the 2nd aspect.

You mentioned something about an inheritance. That money isn't all for thr wedding and your not loaded as your cousin. It should make your mom see how hard you're working and wanting to use that money given for other uses and not for plus 1s to other guests. I was specific with my huaband about that part too with whom i wasn't knowing of being invited. Yet, i still did for him (1 common law couple).

Overall, your mom needs to chill and be happy for you, not rude or arguementive. She went through the same her time of the wedding and should realize not to repeat those mistakes.
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Top August 2017 Ontario
Vinod · On July 28, 2018 at 09:35
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Sounds the family is driving ypu up the wall.

First, about your mom. Let her bring her plus 1 since she is family yet have her to her ex about his behaviour and your brother will be present at the wedding not creating a scene. She should understand this is your wish to walk to down halfway the aisle. Her drama isn't about the fight puttinf up with you and figure out the source of her anger.
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Devoted August 2018 Ontario
Megis · On July 28, 2018 at 08:43
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Guest drama is a part of most weddings and especially with family. Try to talk your mom and make it clear that it's your wedding and you can invite who you want. Guests should be able to set aside differences for you. Best of luck with this.
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Expert January 2019 Alberta
Maya · On July 28, 2018 at 06:22
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Only people in serious relationships are getting plus ones. I can’t afford to give everyone a plus one. It’s different because it’s my brother and all I told her is she had to talk to him first about her ex is coming. I have issues with the guy as well, and I have been catering to my moms every wish. She is causing so much drama about that I shouldn’t care who everyone’s plus one is and I can’t afford to give everyone one. She’s also causing drama because she doesn’t want my dad to walk me down the last part of the isle.
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Frequent user June 2019 Alberta
Julia · On July 28, 2018 at 05:20
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Your mom should be able to bring whoever she wants as her plus one. Are any other people bringing plus ones? if so, are you vetting those people as well to make sure there is no drama? She is your mother and everyone should be able to put their personal drama aside and get along for one day to let you have your day, after all they are all adults, they should behave like adults...
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Expert January 2019 Alberta
Maya · On July 28, 2018 at 02:24
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They are back together, that’s the thing. We went up north for Christmas last year which was expensive because traveling the winter road was long and costs a lot. So when we were up there we did like nothing because he was the biggest anti social person and spent the whole time watching tv in my moms room and so did my mom. I just want to make sure my brother is okay with him coming because I don’t want my brother to feel very negative about my wedding because of my moms plus one. Then they broke up just after we got back and it wasn’t good and just before that my brother had a huge falling out with my mom. I’m just not sure how he would react and that is why I wanted her to tell him first before inviting this guy.
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Expert January 2019 Alberta
Maya · On July 28, 2018 at 02:18
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She lives up north and so I don’t get to see her for another month at our engagement party. I mean I’ve been getting closer to my dad and fixing the relationship and that is why she’s upset about me including him in my walk and making me feel extremely guilty about it.
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Master July 2018 Alberta
Stephanie · On July 27, 2018 at 23:19
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It does seem like your mom is causing unnecessary drama. I also wonder if she wants to bring someone just so she won't feel lonely. I was single for a long time before I met my husband and it SUCKED going to weddings alone. Weddings are all about love and relationships, and being single at a wedding reminds you that you don't have that in your life. Whether she's missing it, or jealous that you have it, I can't say. Is it really the end of the world if she brings a guy who was using her? It doesn't mean they are getting back together. It is too bad that you will have to have someone at your wedding that you don't like instead of one of your friends. Family is important though, and I think you should do your best to accommodate your mom's plus one.
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VIP June 2019 Ontario
Holly · On July 27, 2018 at 22:42
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I think you mom is being a drama queen. She's causing unnecessary drama and that's not fair for you. Maybe the two of you should go out for dinner, then have a good talk and heart to heart. Try to get her to talk without being offensive or easily offended. It will be hard but it may be worth a shot.
I totally understand the no plus ones due to cost part. It's the same with us, plus we don't necessarily want a bunch of people we don't know there. We have those with significant and long term relationships plus ones but that is it.
My mother is also not going to be happy with me when she realizes that my stepdad has absolutely no significant part in the wedding as I only see him as her husband and not as a stepfather (rough situation with him, long story..but neither my fiance or I like him). We also have not included any of his family on the guest list and my mom has made little comments here and there.

I really hope you and your mom can get in one page and that this doesn't continue to stress you out. Goodluck!
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