Skip to main content
Holly
Expert June 2019 Ontario

Together or apart?

Holly, on December 28, 2017 at 23:23 Posted in Living together 0 38
Saved
Reply
So this has been a big topic of discussion with my girls and also my fiance.

My fiance and I live together and at the time of our wedding we will have been living together for almost 3 years. So when the traditional spending the night before the wedding apart topic came up we weren't really sure of what to say. To this day we have never spent a night apart since probably September/October 2016. So we came to the conclusion that we don't really care about that "traditional staying the night apart" thing and we will likely spend the night together as usual.

What are your thoughts on this topic? If you live with your FH, will you be together or apart the night before?

38 Comments

Latest activity by Vinod, on August 12, 2018 at 18:09
  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
    • Dispute

    As you were together before getting married, we were the same for 3 3/4 years before getting married last year.

    I couldn't hide anything of the wedding stuff from my husband at the time. So we did the shopping for his clothing together as I chose the accessories to match his outfit.

    My parents bought my outfit as a gift and paid for the rentals of centerpieces: vases & floral ball + money box. Plus I was short on the money for the DJ and they paid it.

    Most of the online shopping and 1 retail store only was taken care by me as I he approved it.

    When it came to the venue and rooms, we stayed in 1 room as you will be doing to save the cost and we have slept together all those years. We chose the modern day style over traditional view as you said.

    • Reply
  • Kaisha
    Super March 2019 Nova Scotia
    Kaisha ·
    • Dispute

    My FH will decide where he wants to stay, we are not superstitious or anything but we will have a lot of extra family staying at our house so he may look forward to a quite night before the wedding.

    • Reply
  • Marcia
    Super August 2018 Manitoba
    Marcia ·
    • Dispute

    My fiancé and I recently purchased our first home together November 2017 (it was also our first time living together) so we have only lived together for about 5 months. We will be apart the night before our wedding, he will be at home and in the morning the groomsmen will come over to get ready, and i'll be in our hotel suite with my bridal party Smiley smile. I think its romantic to spend the night apart and first see each other again when i'm walking down the aisle.

    • Reply
  • Stephanie
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Stephanie ·
    • Dispute

    I've seen some people mention staying at a parents house the night before! Or if you have a honeymoon suite for the night of the wedding see if you can book it the night before (gives a great place to get ready too!)

    Of course if you want to stay together thats great too! What ever works for you both!

    I love the idea of only seeing each other as I'm walking down the isle... it gets me all giddy inside haha!

    • Reply
  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
    • Dispute
    We’re probably going to spend the night together because we’re not very traditional.
    • Reply
  • Holly
    Expert June 2019 Ontario
    Holly ·
    • Dispute
    View quoted message
    Exactly! As long as everyone is comfortable in their day then that's all that matters. My fiance and I both have major nerves with public speech so being able to see each other the morning of will definitely put those nerves to comfort! We don't want to change routine either, which is a huge factor for a lot of couples that choose this. Like you said everyone has different dreams for their day 😊
    • Reply
  • Brittany
    British Columbia
    Brittany ·
    • Dispute

    If you already have plans to see each other that morning, than of course, do whatever is most comfortable for the two of you! So cute, "our normal, comfortable selves"... that's why you're getting married Smiley smile everyone's "dream" of their big day is different, so as long as you're true to yourself, you'll be happy!!

    • Reply
  • Holly
    Expert June 2019 Ontario
    Holly ·
    • Dispute
    View quoted message
    I don't think it will take any specialness away for us. It's just another day for us, I mean it's a special day but ultimately it's just another day and we love being together so might as well spend as much time as possible on that day. We plan to have a wedding party breakfast anyway. I don't think seeing each other the morning of will take away any anticipation for us either so we plan to stick to the plan of being or normal, comfortable selves and spend the night together 😊 Once the breakfast is done, I'll be kicking him out to the other hotel room and me and my girls will be getting ready and having that nice morning/early afternoon together!
    • Reply
  • Brittany
    British Columbia
    Brittany ·
    • Dispute

    In my opinion, spend the night apart. My MOH got married a couple years ago in Mexico, they stayed in the same suite the whole week, and they'd been together 5 years already, living together almost the whole time. But the night before the wedding, I stayed in her room with her, and her groom stayed in my room.

    The morning of, we got up, all excited, showered/got ready for a brunch with the other ladies, and then she went off to get her hair and makeup done, while the other girls came to her suite and I did their hair/makeup.

    It was nice to let her have that feeling of excitement of not seeing him that day, and to have her own time and schedule.

    I'll be spending the night away from my FH, because I want the same experience of building at least some anticipation to see him that day. We will have been living together over 6 years by our wedding, and I think waking up next to him and kissing him/talking to him will take away from the specialness of the day.

    • Reply
  • Amanda
    Frequent user September 2018 New Brunswick
    Amanda ·
    • Dispute

    We'll be spending the night apart. Though, not for any traditional reason, more of a convenience. I'll be decorating the venue late into the night the night before the wedding, which just so happens to be moments away from my mother's house, so to me it just makes more sense to crash there and get ready with her in the morning.

    At first I was against the idea. It was kinda like "ummmm we've been living together for 4 years... what are we trying to pretend here??..." but now I'm set on it Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Katie
    Frequent user October 2018 Ontario
    Katie ·
    • Dispute

    We've lived together for 3 years now, but will probably spend the night apart. It's not for the tradition, it just makes more sense for the next day. A lot of our wedding party is coming from out of town, so he'll stay at our house with the guys and I'll stay at my parents house which is 15 minutes away with the girls, where we will be getting ready the next day. This way everyone is already where they need to be for the next day, and it will save our wedding party a lot of costs not having to get a hotel room for that night. I've always just pictured my night before my wedding having fun with my girlfriends, and same as Candace said, I feel like it will build the anticipation and add to the first look if he didn't see me earlier that day in my sweats haha

    • Reply
  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
    • Dispute
    My husband and i have slept together and did the same the night before. We didn't change the way we thought about one day event.
    • Reply
  • Sashanette
    Curious April 2019 Ontario
    Sashanette ·
    • Dispute
    My FH and I have been living together for about a year, when we are apart we both struggle to sleep. We have planned to sleep apart the night before, my bridesmaids and I will either be at a hotel or My dad's house.
    • Reply
  • Jessica
    Super March 2018 Ontario
    Jessica ·
    • Dispute

    My fiance and I are staying apart, more for logistics than anything. We're getting married in his hometown and most of my wedding party will be at the hotel the night before, so I'll spend the night with some of my bridesmaids so we can start getting ready at 7am Smiley surprise While my fiance is staying at his parent's house and getting ready later in the morning.


    If we were to do it where we live, we'd probably spend the night together since I wouldn't want to spend extra money on a hotel room.

    • Reply
  • Jackie
    Devoted April 2019 Ontario
    Jackie ·
    • Dispute
    Well we’ve been together almost every single day for eight years now. So I think together is what I’d prefer. But I guess we will see as it gets closer to the day. We both sleep better together than apart. And I love my bed lol.
    Do what you both think is best.
    • Reply
  • Dani
    Frequent user February 2018 British Columbia
    Dani ·
    • Dispute
    My finance and I have lived together for 3 years as of a few days before our wedding and talked about this last night. We think we are going to spend the night together. We aren't super traditional but we also sleep better when we are together than apart. We'll start the day together before we split up and go get ready at our families houses and then see eachother at the ceremony. I think I would stress too much and not sleep well unless he was there.


    • Reply
  • Taylor
    Frequent user June 2018 Ontario
    Taylor ·
    • Dispute

    I am undecided. My MOH is parking a camper in our yard to spend the 3 nights she will be down (Thursday, Friday and Saturday) so that she is here to help decorate and here the morning of to come with me to my parents to get ready. I would sleep best in my own bed with my fiancé, and since we are spending all morning until the first look apart, I think I would want to spend as much time before together. With the rehearsal and decorating the night before, I am sure we will be tired anyways, the hall/church are down the street from our house so that makes the most sense. My sister in law can drive my MOH and I to my parents house the morning of since she will be doing our hair starting at 9am. So I guess it looks like sleeping together makes the most sense for us.

    • Reply
  • Lor
    Frequent user August 2018 Ontario
    Lor ·
    • Dispute

    FH and i are going to be apart. Both sleeping at the hotel in seperate rooms and getting ready there so that our photographer has easier access to the both of us. Sleeping overnight with some of my girls so that they are there (some dont drive so this will be easier for them) and this way i get that giddy anticipation of seeing him the next day at our first look.

    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Frequent user September 2018 British Columbia
    Jennifer ·
    • Dispute

    My FH & I have been together for a long time... (12 years next week!) and have lived together basically for that long. We are staying in cabins at the site of our venue, & we are going to be spending the night apart Smiley smile I think it's going to add to the excitement of seeing each other when I walk down the aisle.

    Do what you feel. There are really no rights or wrongs

    • Reply
  • Kristine
    Frequent user October 2017 Ontario
    Kristine ·
    • Dispute

    My DH and I stayed together the night before the wedding. We had already been living together for 3 years so staying apart the night before seemed silly.

    For me it's an out of touch tradition that gets pushed on couples because it's the "way you do things". But it's from when couples lived at home right until they got married.

    Times change, people change, traditions change.


    Do what is best for you!

    • Reply
  • Erin
    Master September 2017 Ontario
    Erin ·
    • Dispute

    My husband and I had been living together for a while before our wedding. We decided that since we weren't going to be able to spend the whole day of the wedding together (getting ready separately, visiting with guests etc), we would spend the night together. We also had our rehearsal dinner the night before so a majority of the evening was already spent with many guests and family.

    • Reply
  • Jenn
    Frequent user September 2018 Ontario
    Jenn ·
    • Dispute
    We will spend the night before together. That tradition is pretty old school, not many people get married without living together now. And the day of the wedding you get ready separately so we figure that’s good enough for following tradition haha
    • Reply
  • Holly
    Expert June 2019 Ontario
    Holly ·
    • Dispute
    View quoted message
    Since ours is out of town we will be in a hotel and no sense paying for two rooms when we only need the one.
    • Reply
  • Julie-Ann
    Curious February 2018 Ontario
    Julie-Ann ·
    • Dispute
    We will be spending the night together at our home with our pups. We both feel more comfortable at home and we don’t think it’s nescessay to not be together the night before.
    • Reply
  • M
    Expert July 2018 Alberta
    Marina ·
    • Dispute
    I am not really sure whether I will have a good night sleep if we sleep apart. Same here, we’ve been living together forever and I do not really see the point. The morning of the wedding I will just go somewhere else to get ready and he will stay in his parents’ home.
    • Reply
  • Ellen
    Curious October 2019 Ontario
    Ellen ·
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    That seems to make the most sense, sleep at the place you need to be at in the morning, less chaos with transportation, keeps the stress to a minimum.

    • Reply
  • Candace
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Candace ·
    • Dispute
    We will each be sleeping apart, I will be at my MOH’s and he will be at the hotel so that we are already where we need to be to get ready the morning of. We have lived together for 4 years now so we were also torn at first but we think that doing it this way will really help to build that anticipation for the first look moment and make it even sweeter.
    • Reply
  • Amanda
    Super August 2018 Alberta
    Amanda ·
    • Dispute
    We will be spending the night before the wedding together. We’ve lived together for almost 5 years now, and I think we will both sleep better if we are together and in our own bed. My girls all suggested a sleepover at my future sister-in-laws place (we are getting ready there) but she has 2 young children, and I don’t want to make things difficult. So my girls have said that the 3 of them will probably stay at one place together. That way, the girls get their sleepover, and I get my good nights sleep. Haha
    • Reply
  • Shay
    Frequent user February 2019 British Columbia
    Shay ·
    • Dispute
    Living with FH but have chosen to spend the night apart. He loves the idea of a traditional wedding (despite us breaking all of the rules prior 😉) and that means spending the night apart. I am kind of excited for it, I miss him a lot at night if we aren't together, you get so used to being beside them...so I think this will make that moment of walking down the isle more exciting for me.

    But to each their own! The girls make some good points about a good night's rest being where youre most comfortable, etc. I know I also sleep better when he's around..
    • Reply
  • Holly
    Expert June 2019 Ontario
    Holly ·
    • Dispute
    View quoted message
    I agree!! Unfortunately that is not a good option for me.
    • Reply
  • Stephanie
    Master July 2018 Alberta
    Stephanie ·
    • Dispute

    I think it's important to get a good nights sleep the night before the wedding. Wherever you sleep best; for me, that's my own bed.

    • Reply
  • Lydia
    Devoted June 2019 British Columbia
    Lydia ·
    • Dispute
    Also, if you are spending the night a part I'd make sure you'll be with someone that night (bridesmaids / friends / family or whatever). I don't know about you, but for us having the same thing with not being separated for even one night since like 3 years was pretty tough to then have to spend nights apart when I had to go somewhere (none wedding related at that time)
    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×
ReCaptcha Verification failed. Please try again.

Related articles

Groups

WeddingWire Article Topics