The wedding nightmares are realllllll....

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A big red flag for me on this post is the lack of contract...

If you have written communication stating that you are to pay a deposit, it is very unlikely you'd be able to get this money back. Whether it states it is non-refundable in the letter or not, the typical nature of a deposit is that it is non-refundable and there's a very low chance you could legally enforce its return in small-claims court.

HOWEVER, a deposit does typically ensure services... If she did bail on you you'd likely be able to get it back, but this is risky. It is super unusual for a wedding vendor to not have a standard-form contract for these services, and its sketchy and suspect if she does not.

I'd ask her if she has a contract you guys could sign. If she doesn't, tell her you can whip something up, then find a standard-form contract on google to send to her.

View quoted message My apologies! I must have mis-read the original message and mixed it up. I meant have a back-up decorator just in case.

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My florist is a completely separate person from my decorator. No concern there.

View quoted message Good! Maybe also research florists who can deliver on a last-mints basis? Just in case!

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I'm on it! I actually asked her for an updated contract outlining that specifically.

Maybe you should see if she has anyone to replace her in the situation that she can't deliver her product to you.

That's what I would do tbh.

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Glad she finally got back to you and explained a little bit about her plans. One less thing to worry about right now!

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She did get back to me. She is indeed in Toronto but states she will be back in time for the upcoming christmas events that they have already booked, and will be taking a little bit of time off before everything gets crazy again with wedding season. She said she's REALLLLLLLY excited to decorate for us and does not want us to go anywhere. She also invited us to view an upcoming wedding in our ballroom on new years eve that she will be decorating, so I'll be able to catch up some more with her then!

By anyone I mean you or her not grapevine lol

Wheb u emailed her did she respond? Has anyone alluded that she might do it?

Surprisingly I haven't had any nightmares yet! I am getting nervous though.

I have less than 200 days until my big day as well, however it's a small affair on family property so I am doing most of it myself... talk about stressful! I also suffer from a lot of wedding nightmares as well. You're definitely not alone!!

Although with the person you want to back out of I would definitely do it if you no longer feel comfortable or that she is set on doing the wedding. You need someone who is able to agree 100% to your wedding. I hope the nightmares soon let up

Well, we emailed her and told her we were keeping her in our thoughts during this time. My wedding planner said she heard that she's thinking of pulling the plug on the business. Hopefully we find out sooner rather than later what she is planning to do because everybody books up here so quickly if I need to find a replacement... stressing a wee bit right now.

So, the thing with my decorator is that she hasn't been the nicest to deal with and we've had to hide from her that we hired a wedding planner because they don't get along. We've considered ditching her multiple times already. Plus we've heard a bunch of horrible stories about how she has ditched out on decorating clients weddings because she found something better and more expensive to do that day... I'm just scared of something like this happening to us at the last minute and not having a back up plan.

The nightmares will eventually pass! We had a bunch of set backs in our planning and I had tons of nightmares but they went away eventually.

I would agree with the suggestions already made. I wouldn't rush to cancel her as she may want to work through the pain. Plus it is not a good feeling to have something in your personal life go wrong and then for your professional life to start suffering as well. Give her a little time to process and then approach her.

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This is a good suggestion. I would try reaching out and just say that you know it's a difficult time and it's impossible to know what will happen but maybe ask if she has a recommendation for who else you can contact should she be unable to perform services. Maybe she has a person who she is making arrangements to cover services for her while she takes care of her husband and she may already be in the process of making those arrangements.

She may already have something in mind with regard to the deposit (refund, put toward new decorator, etc.) and mention it in her response to you. If not, let her know you would like to speak with her about that when she has the time to do so then check your contract to see if there is anything in there about illness, etc. so you can plan your approach.

My suggestion is to reach out and offer your condolences during this difficult time and that if there is something that you can do to help. She may not be your family or a friend but it is devastating for her none the less.

She may be the type of person who wants to buckle down on her work to create an escape from her reality and could be the only stable and happy thing she has in her life.

If I were in her shoes I would be so stressed if my brides started backing out and then I had no income coming in.

Give her some time to process this life altering change before you jump to a new decorator. You have ample time before your big day!