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Becky
VIP September 2019 Ontario

Proposal box nightmare... upset

Becky, on April 1, 2018 at 17:24 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 14
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I sent my proposal boxes out and everthing went well. Everyone said yes. I had two maid of honors as hard time choose between best friend and sister. My best friend and I have been close for years but had a following out a year ago, the engagement brought us closer then ever together and before falling out she always would have been maid of honour. My sister and I are extremely close and right away she assumed she would have been maid of honour. I wanted her to be before my friendship rekindled and I told her my struggles of figuring it out. She didnt remember it and was so upset after everything was shown on Facebook that they were both maid of honour. She didn’t think it was traditional and very confusing for announcing it. She said u need to choose one or other but let me now. I had said a lot about my friend in the year we weren’t friends and I get where she is coming from in ways but disappointed that she is making me choose. I don’t know what to do... feelings will be hurt regardless. I don’t see why I can’t have two maid of honors. My friend wouldn’t care if my sister stood beside me but i dont want to take the title away now. What should I do? Btw my wedding is two years away

14 Comments

Latest activity by Lyla, on April 3, 2018 at 03:49
  • Lyla
    Devoted July 2018 Alberta
    Lyla ·
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    Your sister does not have the right to tell you what you can and can’t do.. your wedding is two years away and look at how she’s already acting.. that seems quite concerning to me. If I were you I’d try to have a talk with her, after all, you need to start learning how to put your foot down before it’s too late, especially with your maid of honor who should be supporting you. Perhaps she’s afraid of clashing with your friend and I understand that, but if she has any problems then she can come to you and figure it out. Also hardly anything in this day and age is traditional anyways, I think it’s great that you have two people so close to you!
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  • Lucy
    Frequent user July 2019 Ontario
    Lucy ·
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    I've always been stubborn so my family knows not to issue ultimatums. If you force me to choose, I will choose the other person.

    Your wedding is two years ago. How many more times will you have to change your plans because your sister doesn't like it?
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  • Alessia
    Frequent user June 2020 Ontario
    Alessia ·
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    I'm sorry you're in such a sticky situation. To be honest, if both ladies are important to you then your sister has to come to terms with that. I am having my cousin as my MOH and my sister is in the bridal party (she jokes that it should be her but she's only 17). The only problem will be if your sister refuses to do it with your best friend - then you have some decisions to make. If your sister is okay with dividing the roles, maybe that could be a compromise - just so she feels like she is still "important". If it were me and my sister had such an issue with it, I would just include my best friend as my bridesmaid and have my sister as the only MOH.

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  • Becky
    VIP September 2019 Ontario
    Becky ·
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    Thank you! It’s good to hear from someone who has been in this situation and see what there feelings were: I thought my sister could have stood beside me and sighed the paperwork and my friend beside her. They could have shared responsibilities as the whole wedding party is to help with bridal and bachorlette. My sister is just you gotta choose, going to give her some down town to calm down then talk to them both
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  • Stephanie
    Master July 2018 Alberta
    Stephanie ·
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    I would clarify with them what you expect. I was a co-MOH for my friend. The bride let us know one person would stand beside her and sign and the other would give the speech. We decided who would do what. The whole wedding party contributed to planning the shower and bachelorette.

    The MOH doesn't necessarily have to stand beside you (and two people can't stand beside you anyway). When I was co-MOH, I was at the end and the other one was beside her. If standing beside you is what is important to your sister, she can have that spot and your friend can take on another role (such as the speech). Or, they can do the speech together and one person can stand beside you and the other sign. Or, one of them could be in charge of your bouquet and train and the other signs. However you want to split the roles, let them know. I think it works better if the bride decides that rather than the maids.

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  • Sarah
    Curious November 2018 Ontario
    Sarah ·
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    I was in a wedding party with two MOHs. I was a co-MOH with another friend of the brides. We definitely had some struggles, but day of all worked out well. I stood next to the bride and held her flowers etc. The other signed the license, we both did a speech. It worked out great!
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  • Sarah
    Expert August 2021 British Columbia
    Sarah ·
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    I would strip them both of the title and just call them your wedding party it’s your day not theirs.My sister in law ended up cancelling the traditional roles because of fighting and her wedding was perfect anyways.
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  • Cindy
    Devoted July 2019 Ontario
    Cindy ·
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    I agree you can have two and they can share the role. I'm sure after time she'll come to realize that it can be a two person role and it doesn't make her less important to you.
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  • Becky
    VIP September 2019 Ontario
    Becky ·
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    Sorry now reading it should have made it more clear! Hoping cooling off time will help
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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    It’s your wedding and you can have two maid of honours if you choose to. I understand that this might be difficult for your sister but she has to understand that this is what you want.
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  • Jessica
    Super March 2018 Ontario
    Jessica ·
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    Oh ok, I thought it was your friend who was upset. Either way, stick to your decision, and tell her this is the choice you've made. Still look into telling her what her responsibilities will be, so she can decide if she wants to plan those things, or pass on the offer.

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  • Jennifer
    Super August 2018 Alberta
    Jennifer ·
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    I agree with Jessica to stick with your decision. It’s not fair for her to say you have to choose. It’s your wedding and this is what you want so she should respect your decision. I’d let her cool down and then talk to her about it.
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  • Becky
    VIP September 2019 Ontario
    Becky ·
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    The person who is upset is my sister who is one of the maids of honor. My best friend doesn’t care and is happy to share the title. My sister feels it’s dumb and takes away from the whole title and excitement. She says it’s untraditional and isn’t okay with it
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  • Jessica
    Super March 2018 Ontario
    Jessica ·
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    Definitely stick to your original decision of having two maids-of-honour. There is no need to pick one over the other, if that's what you have decided already and your friend will need to understand that they both mean a lot to you.

    It may be a good idea to sit with her and discuss what roles she would play, so that she still feels like she will be in charge of specific things. Maybe she's feeling upset by having to share all the tasks with someone else, so by doing that she can make the decision if she wants to be in the role.

    My friend did a maitron of honour and a maid of honour. Are either of them married and you can have different titles for them?

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