Opinions Needed: Baby at Wedding

What you could do, to avoid the baby possibly crying during the ceremony is to have the baby just at the reception. Now obviously that sounds crazy because the mother is your FH sister and she won't want to miss the ceremony but she can find someone, like the father, to bring the baby for just the reception. That way she can still be at the ceremony, but not away from the baby for too long aswell as no chance of the baby crying and disrupting anything. And you have nothing to worry about in regards to you being shadowed because it's your day, everyone is there for you, not the baby. Plus baby will be one of the first to leave. I know I wouldn't want to be out late with my new born for hours.

As a bride i totally get where you're coming from. But as a mom, I'd probably opt out of going to a wedding where i was told i couldn't bring my newborn.

If she's breastfeeding, she might only be able to be away for an hour or two at most.As long as baby cooperates.

Not to mention people she may ask to watch the baby, will most likely be at the wedding.

I get that you don't want the spotlight on her and the baby, but newborn babies shouldn't be put into the "no children" category at all.

I had the same conversation with husband and he didn't want any kids too. She is family and the baby is the new addition to which should joyful to see. If you dont want any kids, i'm sure your nieces and nephews would be disappointed to miss your big day knowing they love you very much.
I had kids from my family side attend our day without thinking twice about it.

I think because she's family and the baby will be SO new I would just let it happen if I were you. My FH's sister sucks so I totally understand the struggle, but some things just aren't worth the argument ahhaha. I also think that the reasons people dont want kids at the wedding dont really apply to newborns. They wont really be rambunctious or cost any extra dough.

Because she's family, I would suggest showing her that you are open to the idea of having her baby there by offering a quiet place in the ceremony space where she can take her baby if she needs to feed or if the baby fusses. Is there a space at the back of the room, or if it's an outdoor ceremony, somewhere by a tree where she can still see what's going on but is away from guests if she wants some privacy to feed.

Same for the reception space. Somewhere not close to a speaker, close to a door so that she can leave, and a space where she can go if needed.

Once she sees that, she can decide if she wants to bring the baby or not.

I'm sorry you feel overshadowed but I know that at your wedding it will be all about you and your spouse regardless of if there is a baby there or not.

I think you will have to make an exception for a newborn...especially if your FSIL is breastfeeding. It will be really hard to make a new mother leave her baby at home as well. I agree with Michelle that if the baby were older, closer to a year, then it wouldn't be a problem to have someone watch them. Most people don't consider infants to fall under the "no kids" rule.

We also stated that we didn't want kids at our wedding but we had our 4 nephews (2-4 years old) and infant niece there as there was no one else to watch them at home and the 2 eldest nephews were our ring bearers. No one seemed to mind or be offended that those kids were there and not their own and the focus was still on us.

Does she have in-laws that she could leave her new baby with? I guess as long as she has a private place to pump it should be alright?

I am unsure I don't have kids, but it may cause a huge rift on his side of the family if you say no.

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You're right. I think I'm just a bit.. sour.. that so far everything has turned into about his sister overall.

She had her year of all about her for her wedding, and I feel we sort of got cheated on that front.

Not worth starting a fight over though - you're right. Maybe i'll just get lucky and she'll want to leave the baby with her in-laws (who she lives with) as they wouldn't be coming to our wedding.

I feel like this is a sticky situation, but honestly it's hard to ask a brand new momma to leave her newborn at home with someone. If the baby was going to be closer to a year, then it would make it easier to politely ask her to get a baby sitter, but if she has the baby before your wedding, it's basically a newborn and will need it's mother.

This is also hard especially because she is family, So all of the people she would trust to watch her baby will probably be attending your wedding and would also make it more difficult for her if she plans on breast feeding.

I think it's generally acceptable to have a newborn come but no children, as they need to feed every few hours or so, which means if she brought it, most people would definitely understand the exception.

I know this isn't sounding like the answer you were probably hoping for, but I think allowing her to bring baby would avoid arguments, and the light might be on her while guests are waiting and mingling a little, but ultimately, all eyes will be on you and hubby on your special day.

I wouldn't sweat it too much, this is your day and everyone is going to be overjoyed by your big day regardless of a baby or not.