How to Tell Someone They Are Not Invited

Thanks for your help everyone! It came up naturally in conversation again, and I told her with budget constraints she "may" not be invited. She took it very well and said "it's fine take me off the list". I know reading that sounds like she was mad, but in person it came across much better. She was very sweet about the whole thing.

I don't really think you have an obligation to explicitly say you aren't inviting her. I talk wedding with a co-worker, but she's never asked for an invite. I can't imagine myself asking someone "When am I getting my invite?"... that kind of blows my mind.

I think that if she asks you point blank, you can give the parents white lie answer, but I don't think you have to initiate that conversation. Maybe you just claw back the amount of wedding talk, and just say you are tired from all the planning, you just don't want to think about it/talk about it for a bit. She may get the hint.

Worst case scenario is that you send your invites out, and she asks about it, and you just need to tell her the parents lie, or mention you are not inviting co-workers. She shouldn't have an expectation to go unless you've told her she should be expecting an invite.

Different opinion here. Just invite her. It's one person. You can let her know that unfortunately she can't bring a plus one. I think it's too late now to say she's not invited. 10 months is a long time to think you are going to someone's wedding. If you do let her know, I do think it will hurt her feelings and affect your working relationship. I invited my coworker because we talked wedding all the time. I'm glad I did. Even though we don't hang out outside of work. Just knowing his personality, he would've taken it hard if I had talked with him about everything and not invited him. My guess is your co-worker has similar insecurities and would feel similar.

I don't think you have to stop talking to her about the wedding planning if you don't want to, especially if she's prying for details. It'll be weird if all of a sudden you start dodging her questions. There's bout 4 girls in my office getting married in the next year, and we're all swapping ideas and sharing vendors. Not gonna lie...its pretty fun chatting weddings lol.

I do have one coworker who I'm friends with at work, but not really outside of work, and she says on a pretty consistent basis "I wish I was going to your wedding", which is SUPER awkward because I'm not sure we'll have room to invite coworkers. But I think some people are just curious and want to know the details because they're excited for you.

Maybe just hint that, judging how numbers are adding up with family/friends etc, you're not sure if you'll be able to invite coworkers. Most people understand that. Just slip it into the convo one day if you're chatting wedding with her.

If you are absolutely dead set on not having her there then I would suggest subtly mentioning how much money it is and that your guest list is way too big and that you're going to have to make trims... then perhaps you could make invitations for your coworkers and your FH's coworkers to come over to your place and have a little after the fact celebration? Of course give out those invitations around the same time your wedding invites go out. (I hate confrontation when I look like the bad guy.)

If you are only worried about her being judgmental then I would say that no body can bring you down and that all it takes is a couple "It's my wedding, so I'm doing what I want and would appreciate you being on board" kind of mentions and she should fall in line. If she doesn't judge you during your current wedding talk then I really don't see how bad it could be at the wedding itself - especially if she doesn't have many people to talk to about it.