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D
Beginner September 2018 Quebec

How can i ask for guest to pay for their contribution before the wedding

Dadou, on March 30, 2018 at 20:34 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 24
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Hi all,

My fiancé and I are getting married this September 22, 2018.

Considering that we have a small budget and about 100 guests, we have decided that we would our guests would contribute to our wedding by paying an $80 contribution.

As the hall asked to be paid beforehand, we would like them to send their contribution along with their RSVPs.

I'm about to send my invites but I'm unsure of the wording on the RSVP. Can anyone help?

Currently, my RSVP goes as follow:

KINDLY REPY BY July 15, 2018

M._____________

____ Accepts with pleasure!

____ Declines with regret



Thank you for including your contribution along with your RSVP

___ Adults $80

___ Teenagers (13-17 yrs old) X $70

___ Kids (2-12 years old) X $25


Food restrictions: ___________


WE CAN'T WAIT TO CELEBRATE WITH YOU!



Does that sound correct ?


Thanks,


Linda

24 Comments

Latest activity by Dadou, on April 3, 2018 at 12:45
  • D
    Beginner September 2018 Quebec
    Dadou ·
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    As I said, it was my wedding planner that suggested this. She said that it’s becoming a current trend that people pay a contrubution to attend weddings nowadays. Some families does, other dont. For the amount asked, in my opinion $80 was not that bad of an amount as most I’ve heard was the price you mentionned: $150 and over. For sure, I was not expect any gifts (physical ones or money) afterwards...I understand people would have already spent a lot (clothing and all...).
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  • Alessia
    Frequent user June 2020 Ontario
    Alessia ·
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    Who suggested doing this? What if you were to pay upfront and reimburse yourself with whatever money they decide to give you afterwards. I’m not sure doing that is a good idea. A lot of people will be offended you’re telling them how much to contribute. Do you expect money on the wedding day as well? On a lighter note, I wish all I needed per person was $80.00. Our going rates for banquet halls is $150.00++/per person.
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  • Jocelyn
    Expert August 2018 Ontario
    Jocelyn ·
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    Your planner suggested the guests contribute in this form? i think that's unfair and you'll receive negative feedback. i highly suggest double checking as i've never heard of such a thing.
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  • Jen
    VIP June 2018 Ontario
    Jen ·
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    This was exactly what went through my mind as well. It just sounds shady, in my opinion.

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  • Andie
    Expert May 2019 Ontario
    Andie ·
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    It’s absolutely okay to mention the cash bar! Actually, I attended a wedding that was a cash bar but nothing was ever said beforehand and most people were mad because it was unexpected (therefore no “cash” on them)!
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  • Stacey
    Frequent user October 2019 Ontario
    Stacey ·
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    You could always throw in a line at the bottom and say “monetary gifts please” ... to me that kind of gives people the hint that your asking for money. And most people will probably appreciate that, it’s difficult buying wedding gifts these days when most couples already live together or have already purchased their household gifts!
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  • Candace
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Candace ·
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    My friend is planning on doing something like this and it has deterred a bunch of people from going.
    Maybe a stag and doe is an easier way to go for raising some funds for the wedding?
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  • Courtney
    Super July 2018 Ontario
    Courtney ·
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    The wording is fine, but as others have said, I would caution against this course of action. Most guests DO contribute by either a monetary or a proper gift, but it shouldn't expected (in my opinion).


    There's some great other options like a Pot Luck or cash bar which help cut costs. You can definitely tell your guests, and should tell them, if this is what you decide to do.

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  • Lucy
    Frequent user July 2019 Ontario
    Lucy ·
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    The wording is fine, but I would check with your planner to make sure this is what they meant. And if they did, fire them and find another planner.

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  • Stephanie
    Master July 2018 Alberta
    Stephanie ·
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    As far as the wording goes, yes, I think it's clear. I might add "each" after the amounts though (Adults $80 each).


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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    To answer your question, the wording is fine. If I received this invitation I would absolutely understand it.
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  • Jocelyn
    Expert August 2018 Ontario
    Jocelyn ·
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    My guests would never show up if i had them do this! i would personally deny the invitation if i saw this....
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  • Holly
    VIP June 2019 Ontario
    Holly ·
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    Yes for sure, tell them it's a cash bar, maybe give them the amounts they can expect. And there are tons of ways to have guests contribute without being so forward. Instead of physical gifts ask them to put money towards a honeymoon fund or house fund or something similar to that. It's becoming much more popular now. Just the way of asking is very important otherwise you can offend guests. So asking them to replace gifts with a "donation" to a fund for you is better than asking them to pay to attend the wedding. Also another comment suggested a potluck, maybe you can consider this? Good luck!
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  • D
    Beginner September 2018 Quebec
    Dadou ·
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    Thank you Renee! Yes, that was my original question! I wanted to make sure it’s clear without sounding too “forward”. But by reading previous comments, I feel like some guest might still find this offensive like the other users tought...
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  • D
    Beginner September 2018 Quebec
    Dadou ·
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    Thank you ladies for your input. I was suspicious when she told me this, but now your replies confirms my instincts.

    One questions remains thought: Is it ok to tell them that it’s cash bar after cocktail hour?


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  • Holly
    VIP June 2019 Ontario
    Holly ·
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    The idea of a potluck is great! Definitely helps save costs and doesn't cost guests an arm and a leg! Especially families!
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  • Renee
    Devoted October 2018 Ontario
    Renee ·
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    If this is how you plan to do your wedding, then that is ok! This post was to ask about the wording of the invite not if we think she should ask them to pay. I believe the wording for this sounds perfect!

    Yes, as some of the ladies said, some people may not RSVP as they may not agree but isn't that the point of sending invites? There will always be some declines.
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  • Jodi
    Frequent user September 2018 Alberta
    Jodi ·
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    I would say no- I’ve never heard of this before. Personally I would likely decline an invite if I had to pay to attend as weddings already cost money to attend- travel, hotels, clothes, gift..etc
    i would reconsider your guest amount or your venue. Maybe do a potluck? That way everyone is still helping out if that’s what you want but not paying/ you’ll save money on food. Consider a backyard bash or possibly elope. You could even have your wedding on a weekday to save money. Best of luck
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  • Holly
    VIP June 2019 Ontario
    Holly ·
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    Your guests will either deny the invitation or show up but with no cash gift or gift at all. When you invite someone to the wedding that you are hosting you're not supposed to charge because then it turns into more of a "event" or "fundraiser" of sorts. I think guests will be offended and choose not to attend. Especially with a high charge of $80. Unfortunately you may not get a good turn out and very likely that you will receive absolutely no gifts. That is what we would do personally.. 80 per adult, plus children being charged too. I'm sorry but thats more of a stag and doe not a wedding thing. I think you should reconsider, for the benefit of the wedding.
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  • Karen
    Expert September 2018 Ontario
    Karen ·
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    I agree with both the girls. Your guest will likely be offended and will not attend. You should talk to your wedding planner, you might have misunderstood what was said. If you didn't, you can always reevaluate your budget and number of guest invited. OR perhaps look somewhere else for your venue that can fit for your budget, and that can work with your plan.
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  • Jen889
    Devoted May 2018 Quebec
    Jen889 ·
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    If your wedding planner suggested this then they are wrong. You should never ask your guests to pay for your wedding.

    Asking for a contribution/pay their part is considered very rude. And most likely you will receive a lot of negative feedback from it. You should be able to host a wedding and pay for it without your guests contributing. You can't rely on people giving you money.
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  • D
    Beginner September 2018 Quebec
    Dadou ·
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    It was my wedding planner that suggested that we make the guest pay upfront for the wedding so that we can secure the number of guest...unless I didn’t understand correctly?

    So asking for a contribution is a no can do?
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  • Alexandra
    VIP November 2019 British Columbia
    Alexandra ·
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    I’ll be honest I would say no to a wedding that expects me to pay for myself. If you can’t afford that hall and that many guests you need to reconsider your choices and pick things that you can afford without your guests pitching in. They’ll likely still give you monetary gifts, especially with no registry, but don’t rely on them for it.
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  • Jen889
    Devoted May 2018 Quebec
    Jen889 ·
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    I'm sorry, what??!....

    Honestly, I don't know if I'd be very happy being told to pay to attend a wedding. Your guests will most likely contribute more than the $80 per person at the wedding. Is there anyway you can pay for the hall yourself and wait for the envelopes on the day of? Its a little forward to put it in the RSVP.
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