Help! Bridesmaid concerns!

Hello Amanda,
Sorry that you’re going through this. It’s such a challenge. Personally, the bridesmaids should be understanding and ease your mind/stress. In this case, we were able to have guests or anyone attending to enter the venue with proof of negative test. I am wishing you all the best in your planning.

In this case, let them know how important it is for them to understand the situation that you are in for your big day. I hope it’s either lifted or it’s cleared out for you.

Unfortunately I don’t have advice for you , but I am sorry that you have to go through this!
I’m in a similar situation with 4 bridesmaids 2 are vaxxed and the others are not. Luckily for now at my venue they allow negative Covid tests. But who knows what could happen! My bachelorette they won’t even be able to come out with us (we’re getting a cabin in Kelowna) it’s sad I never pictured having to worry about these types of things on top of the regular wedding planning worries!!
Who knew this would be our new norm! Feel for you girl and I hope everything works out 🤍

View quoted message

That is hard. I can understand where you're coming from. I was extremely close to my dad's family growing up, but it's been about 10 years since I've spoken to most of them.

There's a close friend I'm wondering if he's vaxxed that we're thinking of having as MC (haven't seen him in person for a year, that's a whole story). I'd be heartbroken if he isn't but would 100% ask him not to come, mandate or not. I feel that's my responsibility as an event host to make sure everyone in attendance feels safe (my personal stance aside). Unless all of a sudden come spring there isn't a single case in the world and everything is over.

For me, we've been engaged for 8 years and health/finances have caused us to keep pushing our plans, then COVID also. Our wedding is about our marriage, people being there is a bonus but unnecessary.

View quoted message

I think March is a good time. You need to keep your foot down with dates and you don't need to stress about this kind of thing. There's more things in life to worry about in life then worrying about what everyone else is doing.

5 months for delivery is great! Hopefully they're true to the time frame. I personally wouldn't wait until the 5 month mark to order a dress though. I would give yourself a little leeway because I work in the clothing industry and it's been super hard for some of our stock in. And if they need to get it altered then they will need time for that as well. My dress alone took almost 8 months to come in and that was before covid!

View quoted message Fair enough. I think the girls who are bridesmaids and I have come to an agreement that March is the cut off cause the bridal shower is May. & i cant handle the stress of wondering because I am DIYing things & if they decide not to come dress shopping in Feb they have till end of March to get an appointment and order a dress for my Sept wedding.
The dress place said 5 months for delivery of bridesmaids dresses.

View quoted message

August 7th and in another province. We picked March because we still need to get suits picked out and stuff like that. Also n the middle of May my fiance and I are having our bachelor and bachelorette party in Vegas for EDC weekend so his brother has enough time to figure out what he needs to do or not participate in any parts of the wedding.

View quoted message Interesting take!
Its always hard because its my closest Aunt and Uncle, my favourite cousins, his wife and their kids. All who I am very close with.
Its just heartbreaking and this has been so stressful & emotional!

View quoted message Fair enough. Thanks for your input!

View quoted message I can’t handle the stress of wondering and worrying about mandates! I’m already so stressed as it is!

View quoted message When is your wedding?

View quoted message

I'm a little late to the conversation, so sorry if this has been discussed.

Even if the mandates change in March, most people (that I know at least) who are for the vaccine and doing everything they can to prevent the spread won't want to risk their safety and everything they've done. You did mention your MIL wanting everyone vaxxed, to me I'd say that's a no brainer.
I'd be prepared that a lot of people may decline attending if there's no vaccination checks, even if there is no mandate. Do you want to risk you MIL not showing up?

Even when Sask dropped all restrictions in July, I still wore my mask. I had friends I hadn't seen since months before Covid messaging me to get together and I told them that we still were limiting our contacts.

If I were invited to a wedding and I knew that someone anti-vax was going to be attending, I most likely would not attend. Most of my dad's family is anti-vax, and I've had no hesitancy about cutting them from my guest list.

View quoted message

If anything, it's more clear cut because they're family, but that's just me. I feel if a family member truly cares for you, they wouldn't put their family in a position that ignores health advice from the vast majority of healthcare workers. You're trying to spare this person's feelings but think of how your guests will feel when they find out they've been interacting with an anti-vaxxer in their midst at your wedding.

I may sound harsh but if I found out a couple is prioritizing an anti-vaxxer's involvement in the wedding over their guests safety, I would immediately decline attending, even if I'm family.

View quoted message I think I would do the same. You really don't have a choice. You need to get everything set.

View quoted message

I totally understand where you're coming from. We've had to postpone twice and having to deal with all the vendors and venue to move dates is a lot of work.

And yes it truly is heartbreaking that some family may not be there because of their decision but they have to live with the consequences. We're on the fence with my fiance's brother (only brother and only sibling) he has to make a decision by March at the latest

View quoted message I’m not moving my date, I’ve made that so clear. I have taught for ever vendor we have and its been a ton of work!
It just breaks my heart because its family, and they need to make a decision.

View quoted message Its family thought, right. So its not that simple. There are others that are family that are not vaxxed too, that I hope will be able to attend if the mandate changes.

View quoted message I’m toying with the idea of them having to make a decision by March break. & if the mandate exists theyre welcome to attend as a guest if it changes and are unwilling to get vaxxed.

View quoted message I think I agree, if they want to buy a dress and run the risk of not being able to wear it. Thats their choice.

My fiance and I were supposed to get married in August 2020 and postponed twice now to August 2022. We're also in the same boat the Best Man (My fiance's only brother) doesn't want to get vaccinated. It's honestly his own loss in my opinion. People need to realize that this isn't going to go away anytime soon with the proof of vaccination to do things and not getting it, will have consequences. You shouldn't move your wedding date hoping that this mandate will blow over. You can't force someone to get it if they're set on not getting it. My fiance has come to terms that he may not have he brother and soon to be sister in law there with us on our big day but we can't dwell on it we just have to move forward the best way we can.

View quoted message

I would tell her now. You literally said your MIL feels very strongly about everyone at the wedding being vaxxed. If your bridesmaid has already made it clear she's not getting vaxxed, period, it should be a no-brainer. So even if the vaccine mandate lifts in March, your MIL wouldn't even want her as a guest let alone a bridesmaid where she would be working closely with everyone involved at the wedding.

Out of all the hills to potentially die on with a close family member like your MIL, this would not be one of them for me. I would just sever that problem from the onset.

View quoted message I think for me it would be when you pick out dresses. If they can't come then I'd ask if they want to be part of it. If they say yes but....I would just say that you can't put it on hold and if mandates change you'd love to have them at the wedding as a guest (if you are comfortable with that). That is just me though. You could say they have to buy the dress in their size when everyone else picks theirs and if something changes they can be part of it again... There is no perfect answer I feel. I was just going to have someone else step in if needed. That is the one nice part of only having a MOH.

View quoted message I would give them the option. What if they purchase a dress in February and aren't able to even attend the wedding? What about deposits for hair and makeup?
Let them know the financial risk of not being allowed to legally attend your wedding is their own and see if they want to opt to back out of being a bridesmaid.

View quoted message Apparently things are going to change in March. So what do I do? wait for March? or May? when have I waited enough time to boot them out of the bridal party? & pray they can attend things as guests instead.

View quoted message Personally I would right away. You can hold off if you think vaccine mandates will be lifted by the shower/wedding though.

View quoted message I’m not going to wait for these people to figure it out. The wedding is happening no matter what. But when do I give them the boot and tell them “sorry I have to move forward”.
I dont want to be stressing about this when the wedding is sneaking up on us. So whats the cut off date?

View quoted message Thats fair. I know my future MIL feels very strongly about everyone thats there being vaxxed.

View quoted message So when do I give them the boot? Shower is in may.

I am lucky enough that I only have one MOH and she only just started getting vaccinated. If she decided she wasn't going to get vaccinated I would be getting married without her. She has been my best friend for 34 years but I'm not putting my life on hold any more. I'm not putting off my wedding (which was already postponed) in case maybe next year the mandate is lifted.

View quoted message

Well, the other side of that coin is all your other guests should not compromise their safety for one person's beliefs. Even if vaccine mandates lift, do you feel it's fair to other people that an anti-vaxxer is sitting amongst them?

And if she is so steadfast on her beliefs, she should stay in her own lane and get out of everyone's way of progress. Does this person actually believe that you need to halt your life to accommodate her beliefs? If so, that's incredibly selfish.

You can wait until next year to see how things play out or you can be proactive based on what the laws are today and tell her it is what it is. If she makes a stink out of it, that's on her since they're her beliefs.

View quoted message No I don't think so. If they can't attend there is no reason for them to be a part of your bridal party.

Is it wrong of me to exclude them from my bridal party all together if they cannot attend my bridal shower because of their vax status?

View quoted message I tried but one of them said “I’m not going against my beliefs for one party” and that broke my heart. This is my good friend of 11 years.