Help??

I’m sorry to hear about the situation you’re in. I can understand where your mom is coming from and she wants to be able to give you the wedding of your dreams regardless of the cost.

Personally, I don’t think I’d be able to go forward with the wedding because I would have too much guilt about my parents finances. But I am an overtly empathic and sensitive person (to the point of it being pathetic). That being said, in NO way are you in the wrong for wanting to continue planning the wedding you’ve been working on. It’s a tough situation and I feel for you.

Is it possible to put the wedding on hold for a year? Is the deposit refundable for the tent? Are his parents able to help out financially?

What about a courthouse ceremony and a backyard reception? Would that cut the costs down?


If you can get the deposits back, would you consider a small courthouse ceremony then a romantic elopement with your FH? The elopement could be half the cost of the original wedding (2,500-3,500) and in turn, would give you and your groom a honeymoon of sorts.

Please let us know what you decide.

best of luck.

I can appreciate how difficult this is, if my parents (divorced), didn't each contribute 50/50 for the wedding, we'd be having a multi-year engagement. To me, I'd rather wait and have the wedding I want, whereas some people are more flexible, and would rather be married sooner. If you can, I would wait an extra year. You can store what you've purchased so far, and perhaps slowly get anything else you need in small increments. Then use that additional time to save up (or allow your parents to save up), so no one is stressed out or going into debt. You want your wedding to be a happy time, so if there's any stress or guilt associated with it, it could taint your happy day.

Best of luck. I hope it all works out!

Honestly if I was in your shoes, as much as it sucks, I’d push it back a year. Give yourself more time to get the money together and have the celebration you really want. I’m about to hit the one year mark on being engaged and we’ll have been engaged two years just before our wedding and I honestly have no regrets on waiting longer to do it. Knowing that it gives us time to put some money together makes a huge difference!

Would there be any chance that you and your S/O or your S/O's parents would be willing to chip in more? I know that it's all on me and my FH for our wedding (which we will of course end up going a little in debt even for a $20,000 wedding - which is on the lower side of weddings).

If you already are at the best you can do financially then it comes down to what is more important to you and you S/O. A wedding you have always wanted - or getting married sooner rather than later.

For me and my FH, we were going to get married this past October (engaged end of December 2017) but decided on buying a house first. To us, the priority was to have a wedding that we really wanted rather than rushing it just to be married within what we thought would be a reasonable amount of time.

Either way you decide to go - congrats on the engagement!!

I wanted a big wedding but didn't want to go in debt. My husband and I had discussed having a small wedding in 2017 but I felt I would always regret not having a big wedding. So, we delayed our wedding to 2018 and saved up over the next year. That ended up being the best decision for us. I thought it would be better to be sad for one year (delaying wedding) than being sad the rest of my life (for not having my dream wedding).

You could have the courthouse wedding this year and a few years down the road, when you have saved up some money, have a reception or a vow renewal and reception.

Help your mom by cut down costs by asking those you know for photography and videography. Wedding dress is the biggest thing she will want to get you, so look into a rental over purchasing one saving tons. Food is the important aspect and try to make the food yourself or have a potluck/bbq style to keep it simple and easy. Table seperate for drinks/booze would help.

Can you delay the wedding and save up for the wedding you want? I know you put down deposits but could you change the date in order to save up?