Guest list struggles

This is LITERALLY the same thing I'm facing with my FH's family. We're sending them save the dates and invitations anyway because it's the polite thing to do. I wouldn't want someone to not send me an invitation because they assume we can't make it.

Certain family members may not be able to make it as you said. However, its hard to say for the rest. Obligations towards family members you don't want is not needed to do as you want to control the guest list. For those you want there on your day, will make it without any hestitation.

I didn't have space to invite overseas family as it would have increased my limit.

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We're getting married next October too (the 19th)!

My parents are paying/hosting the reception so money is an issue, just who I want there vs. who I should invite lol. But I understand not wanting to pay for people you don't want there!

View quoted message We are not doing save the date but rather I I'll send out emails to the ones that make the 'we want there' list, get a feel for what people are saying. We are not getting married until October next year so we have time. I'm only worrying because we are paying for this ourselves and I dont want us to go into debt.

Our families are both dramatic, and word will get out that we got married without inviting certain relatives on my side, we'd get into a few feuds quickly lol.

As much as I don't want to, I am probably inviting some family I know won't come if certain people are absolutely going to be there.

My FH knows which family members are good to invite, and which ones will cause drama at the wedding - so they'll be avoided and not invited.

For us, there's not a lot but still a few question marks we are still debating. As some others said, people you think will say no, might surprise you and say yes. I am playing with those odds too but we have a bit of time before invitations are sent out (April-June). Our Save the Dates will go out to those we know we are inviting by January-February.

View quoted message Most of my family has a question mark beside them. I have kept all the drafts I've made. The list slowly gets bigger and bigger, only 40 or so have been there since the start.

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Oohhhh. yes that does.

my FH and I made our rough guest list. and we have about 20 or so people (some friends, some family, some family friends etc) with question marks beside their name. and we decided that we will make decisions in february about them (as we want to print invites in march).

I agree with Stephanie and Brittany, invite who you would regardless of distance - you may be pleasantly surprised that some may make the effort to save in order to be there for your big day. If they would normally be on the B-list then treat them as such because you can't rely on them saying no just because of money and distance. That is usually when people really surprise you by making the trip as their vacation for the year and will be there for the wedding.

When it comes to the family members that you feel obligated to invite I would say it depends on how close you are to them. If you just don't get along with them or like them then I would say the invitation should still be sent. But if you barely see them or they are like your 3rd cousins or something then by no means should you HAVE to invite them. I have been mentioning this phrase after someone suggested it to me and it works fantastic: "It's our wedding, not a family reunion." Hope this helps!

View quoted message If I only invited the ones I'm close with than that would 7 family members and a bunch of friends. This is where not being close with my family sucks. My dad said to invite the family members that invited me to theirs. I guess we have time as we are not sending them out until after Christmas.

If you don't want them there. don't send an invite. you would be surprised the people that would show up that you think will say no. the same goes with the out of province guests. you never know. so if you want them there. send an invite.

I personally am not inviting family that I am not close with/don't talk to. If we barely have a relationship, you aren't getting a spot at my day when there are other people there I want.

Don't send invites to anyone you don't feel needs one. Parent's or family opinions are just that, opinions... and you have to do what you want, and what you feel comfortable with.

If those people lived in town, would you be inviting them? Or would it be a "B" List situation?

Just because you can afford to invite, say, 150 people, doesn't mean you have to.... invite the 100 you want to have there and spend more on your dress! Haha.

If there are out of town guests that would definitely be invited/attending if they were local, then I agree with Stephanie, provide an evite for them, or maybe even a real one for certain people... But honestly, being cut throat with the guest list is a little nerve wracking as you're doing it, but once it's done and over with, you'll feel relieved you did what you wanted to do.

Your wedding is about pleasing you and your future spouse, not your extended family.

What about making up some evites to send to those who won't be able to make it? It'll be cheaper than mailing them paper invites but they are still receiving something. Evites are less formal than paper invites, but they are becoming more popular.

I understand about not wanting certain family there but feeling obligated to invite them. It's okay to hope they don't come, but I do think you should still send the invitation since they are family. If they aren't that close to you, they may choose not to come, especially if they have to travel.