Guest list - how to respond?

The way I look at your situation is the way I told my husband when making the guest list. We invite those we know only and have met. I felt some of the guests he wanted to invite shouldn't have made the list since I had no idea who they were and never met, yet they were strangers in a way at the wedding and grandma cheek pinch as if I was a child. Not cool! We were paying for the wedding as no one offered to make any contributions towards the day besides my parents helping to pay for the outfit, centerpieces and money box which they felt good in their hearts.

This is about you two and no one else as the contributions are from you two only. His parents feel they want to invite the uncles, aunts and other guests, they should put their contributions towards the list as their choice. I do agree with you its not cool what they are doing and asking to make your list enlarged. The covid card is a good tactic to use avoiding more guests to add for your in laws. They should know better than to say things before asking their own son getting married and you as the bride.

I can totally relate! I know there are certain people I actually have on the guest list that my parents actually DON'T want there, but I realized the decision needs to be made for myself and my fiance, not by them. Thankfully my fiance has been extremely supportive when I get stressed over it, but he has been absolutely right in what he's saying. This is YOUR day and you need to have who YOU want there. His cousin had her mom get way too involved and people were invited she either hardly knew or didn't even like, and it sort of ruined her wedding. It's hard sometimes to stick up for yourself especially if it's his parents over yours, but they need to simply respect your decisions, and your budget. Ideally, you do this ONCE. You're not going to be bridezilla by standing your ground. The main thing in this is that whatever you decide, don't let it cause drama between you and your partner. This day is about the two of you, and whoever is invited should feel privileged, not entitled to be there!

Best of luck to you! Family can be hard on the head sometimes

Hi!

So sorry you are experiencing this. It is difficult. but I agree with everyone, you have to say something. Draw a line in the sand. I am kind of tired of the saying, well if they are paying for it. If that is the case, then keep your money (unless you really need it, but then there should be no strings attached). For our wedding we have both parents a limit of guests. They wanted more, but we booked a venue with certain capacity for a reason, so the parents couldnt have 20 freaking people. This is my second wedding and my fiancés first (and only haha), but we still want it small. His mom said she wants friends there that are fun to party with. Vs friends her son knows, but as I have them a limit, I wont argue with who the 6 are. Compromise I guess? haha., Hope it all works out for you!

I wish that I had been a little more firm with this from the beginning. My mother added like 10 of her friends to our list, to be fair my parents are paying for the reception but that's 10 of SO and my friends we can't invite.

SO and I discussed and decided to let this one slide as my mother hasn't seen a number of her friends in 5 years, and they are all people I was close to growing up. A few of them have already said they won't be travelling due to COVID so come the new year, we'll due a numbers re-eval from our save the dates.

I put my foot down with my dad's side of the family. Out of his 6 siblings (each with 2-3 kids) not a single one of them has called, texted or said hi to me on the street in 10 years and we all live in the same small city.

I'd have a sit down with them (with you FI) and as respectfully as possible, mention that this is your wedding and the two of you only want people present that are important to you as a couple. The guest list was decided months ago and you are both happy with it.

Yeah I wouldn't equate a cash gift to this level of control they're asking for. I was more thinking of weddings of people I know where the parents pay for everything and it's almost as much about them and their family as the couple. If that's the not the case then I think they're definitely overstepping.

Good luck! I know how awkward this situation can be but hopefully your fiance will be able to talk some reason into them

I think if they are 100% paying for the wedding then they can invite these people as long as there is space in the venue. But imo if they aren't covering the costs completely they don't get a say. Maybe to compromise you can offer invitations to these people if some of your guests can't make it (assuming you don't already have a B list). But I totally get if this isn't an option for you either. I would personally just say exactly what you said above - you made these decisions together a while ago and you are very happy with your guest list as is. You can also say that you feel like you don't know these people or don't have a relationship with them and you only want to be surrounded by people you love on your wedding day.

Your fiance really should be taking the lead on this since they are his parents, and telling them that you've already decided on your guest list. And he has a responsibility to you to not let himself get steamrolled and to push for what both of you want. I think if you want to make sure you are heard you can arrange to be there when he talks to them but let him take the lead. And you can help steer the conversation back on track if you think they're trying to steer your fiance off in another direction.