Guest List Fiasco

We originally wanted a small wedding but since my parents were very set that I have to invite family I haven't spoken to in a long time and a bunch of our neighbours we ended up having to find a larger venue than anticipated. They have decided that they are going to pay for the venue including food so I told them they can invite whoever they want if they're going to pay for it.

We were in a similar situation. that said, if they are contributing, they get some say. but the level of that say depends on how large the venue is, how tight the budget is, at what point they brought up these extra people, etc. you can also set reasonable rules, for example, we said no to anyone who we both haven't met, and then made a couple exceptions to that. my FH's parents originally said they wanted to invite no friends, then added 8 to the guest list and we allowed it. now they want to add 4 more and we said no because there is no more room in the reception space. you have to remember that this is a test of how you handle your family, together, in the future, and that you've got to find a way to make it work.

I agree with others who have said that if they are paying for some of the wedding, they get a say in the guest list. Even if it's a small contribution (But trust me, photographer and décor are usually only second in price to food and alcohol, so I wouldn't call that a small portion), they should be able to put some people on the guest list.

Figure out what you are comfortable with, as Jennifer said, and stick with that number. We have given each of our parents one table (8 people), even though they aren't contributing financially to the wedding at all - I want them to have people to socialize with for the evening, as well. In total, out of the 16 seats we gave them, they have invited 6 people between his parents and mine. Not a big deal, and not a fight I'm willing to have.

If they are contributing financially, they do get a bit of a say as to who gets invited. My mom had a couple people she wanted to invite (would have been more but the rest were out of province). Since my husband and I knew them, we were okay with this. I would set some rules with your parents. Give them a certain number they can invite (such as 1 table, or even the rest of their table) and go from there. Weddings were different when our parents got married and sometimes it's hard for people to adjust to changing times.

While yes it is your wedding. If they are helping pay for some. I would give them some invites.
I personally would find a number you are comfortable with (say 10 people. 5 couples). Give them that. And let them choose.

My FMIL lives in Oklahoma (and recently separated from FHs stepdad). She wants to invite 20-ish people
I figure the most arent going to come. And the ones that do (which i will have only met briefly 6 months before wedding). Well fantastic in a good way. Thank you for making the effort. And being there for FMIL.

While yes its extra money that i really dont want to spend. Its also not the end of the world. I personally would just give them a limit/number

View quoted message Agree with this idea. I hope you’ll settle this soon with your parents. Good luck!

Just give them a certain number of people they are allowed to invite and then let them choose who they want to invite. Then just leave it up to them.

Ugh I had the same dilemma and I did eventually work it out with them. They are paying for the venue/catering so I felt like I didn't have much of a say but I laid down a few ground rules:

It is MY wedding. If they wanted to invite strangers to something, they can have vow renewal ceremony, but not my wedding.

I have to know them. I don't want people I don't even know at my wedding. They had their 30th anniversary party this summer and I got to re-connect with some of their invite requests.

They might get B-listed. If I get to over 200 guests to invite, people are gonna get B-listed since my ceremony spot can only hold 200 max.

Keeping that in mind, some of these people might RVSP no since they don't really know you or your FH and might think it's weird they got invited. When we have kids, we're definitely not gonna pull this on them!

I hax the same thing happen. In the end we allowed their friends to be invited because they are paying for the food. As well it was only one extra table of 8. Im really happy i just let them do their thing as it relieved a lot of stress. Its totally up to you though its your day!!

How many people are we talking and how many do your parents think will actually come? I totally understand political invites - if our wedding were in my hometown/country I'd probably have at least 30 of them for people I've met once (or not at all) but it would be awkward for my parents if these people weren't at least given a courtesy invite. Thankfully I'm in Canada and don't have that pressure.

Can you comprise with a limit of how many people you are willing to invite?

I agree with Michelle. Continue to stand your ground and remind them that this is YOUR wedding.
I am currently having this trouble with my FH’s parents as they want to invite people that we don’t even talk to. We want a small wedding and no drama. So some people are not being invited.
Atthe end of the day it needs to be what makes you happy. And who you would want to share your special day with.
Personally, I feel awkward going to weddings where I haven’t talked to the bride or the groom frequently.

Don’t budge. I’d personally explain you want to be surrounded by people you know and love and that doesn’t include people you’ve never met. Parents always try to do this, but it’s best to remain firm.

Sorry to double comment! Maybe to compromise they could go on your B list. Then once you have some declines, they could then be invited. Just leave some room for rsvp time.

I'm the beginning I felt this way but now having invited people and gotten back RSVP's I would say it's not such a big deal. Some ppl will respond no. Not sure how your venue is but I have a minimum to meet to I am now just letting everyone come because I have to pay for it anyway lol in this planning process I learned to just let some things go or else I would be so bitter and upset and arguing. There will be pleanty more hurdles as you get closer. My best advice is to weigh how important this is and if it's worth the fight

I can't see the relavance of politics playing in any wedding. Your parents need to name family members instead of unknown people.

Compromising in the guest list will be hard since they didn't say they wanted to invite politicians. Let them invite some of their friends you've met and associated with before.

I went through this exact situation and I reminded her that this MY wedding, I should be celebrating it with people I KNOW! This is a celebration about the couple, why would I want to share my day with those I don't know and MOST of all don't know ME! Just stand your ground, and hopefully she will give way. My mother just let it go in the end.

My mom had a few people who she felt I must invite, they are all family friends but some I haven't seen in years. Our compromise was they can come but not to the dinner just the ceremony and dance.