Guest List

Oh my! I can't believe someone could be so blatantly rude to your face... especially when she put herself in that awkward position by asking!

Luckily I haven't had that happen to me yet. I have friends at work who ask about the wedding, but when I say anything like "I wish we could invite more people" they reply with "Oh, I totally get it, it can get so expensive!"... So I know they feel like I would invite them if I could, but they aren't offended.

My mom asked me about certain distant relatives, and I said no, but she got a little defensive and asked why. I said it wasn't in the budget to add 10 more people to the list. My parents are paying for the wedding, so she asked if she paid for the extra family if I would invite them. I told her to fill her boots! It's not like I didn't want them, I'm just not going to sacrifice other aspects of the wedding for people I see once every few years.

Please do not feel guilty. I do believe all wedding couples would have the same problem (mine hasn't started yet, not until closer to mid of next year). You can't please everyone. Just tell her straight that you wished you could invite everyone but unfortunately the space is limited. That's it. It's your wedding and you decide who do you want to be there to celebrate it with you.

I don't think that should be your problem! Leave her to be upset. If you invite people out of guilt then get ready to invite EVERYONE in your city!

Perfect response due to not having her as close. Plus its said that ones you don't speak to within the year shouldn't be invited.

ITs soooo awkward! I just went through the same thing with a few friends. Almost all were ‘understanding’ there were a few that haven’t spoken to me since. But come on! It’s your wedding day, your money and at the end of the day just about you two forming a union. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I agree with most people here. It's your wedding, it's your money every decision is yours and hey.... it's impossible to please everyone! But aside from that to ask so bluntly and then make you feel guilty??? Doesn't sound like someone I'd want at the wedding anyways.
I think the way you handled it is exactly how I would! Upsetting someone you see once a year? Not worth the worry!

View quoted message Yes 😔 was a weak moment for me for sure lol but we’re having a big wedding. We’ve invited around 370 so at this point it’s not a deal breaker or anything for our budget aha just very awkward

View quoted message

You invited her?! haha, amazing!

But yeah - I would have felt super awkward too.

That would have been how I handled it. I’ve had issues about who to invite. I have a large family so most of the friends who are getting an invite are the ones from out of town and the ones I’m really close with. I know I might send people a ceremony + dance invitation and they can come for cake.

I don’t think you should feel guilty. The way you handled the situation was appropriate explaining why due to budget she wasn’t going to be invited.

Omg I had someone tell me they didn’t revive their wedding invite and they weren’t invited either. She’s a friend of a friend who I rarely see but I do like I just didn’t put her on the list since we’re not close at all. It was awkward for sure and took me by surprise! I was a wuss and sent her an invite lol I’m usually not so passive but was so unprepared as well I didn’t even think about it I just tried to avoid any conflict. I find it weird that she can’t accept your answer but it’s not your fault she can’t accept it. I would leave her be and let her figure it out sounds like you’ve been polite and honest with her and that’s all you can do.

View quoted message Yeah, it was an interesting situation lol

View quoted message OMG - I can’t handle that someone would assume they were a bridesmaid! How awkward!

There's nothing else you can do. If she's hurt, that's her own issue/insecurity. Don't let that affect your happiness and planning. There's nothing wrong with not inviting someone you aren't close to.

You handled it perfectly!

I've actually had someone assume they were in my wedding party: she asked me when I plan on asking my other bridesmaids and I asked her "what about my bridesmaids?". Then she clarifies saying "Well we both know I'm in it, also when are you sending bridesmaids proposals?" I used to be close with this individual but we had a falling out 2 years ago. I'm not sure if I'm going to even invite her to the wedding, but I had to tell her she wasn't in the bridal party, saying I'm planning on 4-5 max and that I already knew who they were gonna be. She got defensive, but she seemed to get it.

Also, asking when bridesmaid proposals would be sent out seems really rude, especially if you're assuming your already in the party, why would you need a proposal gift? I just asked the girls in person or messaging; I didn't want to put $$ into proposal gifts for someone to say no to.

Seriously, weddings somehow bring out the worst/selfishness in people lol but you have to stick to your decisions/guns and put your foot down!

You definitely handled it perfectly. If you only see her once a year I really wouldn't worry about hurting her feelings lol

Because my wedding is still over a year away I was able to avoid this awkward conversation with one person. We went to college together but she failed out the first year and move back home so we didn't talk for a long time. We talked maybe a few times here and there on line but I hadn't seen her in person since first year. After I got engaged she reached out and suddenly was talking to me all the time, eventually she just asked if she was invited and I simply just said we haven't started the guest list yet. It wasn't a lie, but obviously I didn't want to get into it with her and explain that I simply did not want her at my wedding. When I was doing the guest list another friend asked about her bf, well they are on and off ALL the time, so being as close as we were I was straight with her and said as of right now no, but we will see where we are in the future. She lost it and refused to come if I don't put him on the list ASAP. Some people take it worse than others, as mentioned in another comment weddings bring out the worst in people, SO TRUE. Don't feel guilty for not inviting people that really have no place being there..just do your think and enjoy your day!

You handled it perfectly. I would just keep saying that to everyone. I used to brush it off as still working on the guest list. But now that it's getting closer to the date, I pretty much said the same thing

View quoted message

You said it perfectly.

Don't let her guilt trip you. You're definitely not that close if shes trying to guilt trip you into an invite.

I'm so surprised she asked you directly and then made you feel bad! I haven't had that happen to me.

I agree, you handled it well and explained you have budget/guest list constraints. Most people would graciously accept that. Try to ignore her guilt tripping or tell her that's not fair.

I did have my FH's cousin bluntly ask me if he and his two siblings are getting plus ones. They're all younger and haven't really been with partners long nor have we met them. I sort of indicated we had to work on our guest list/budget constraints. I'm sure he was annoyed when he got an invite sans plus one.

I find weddings bring out the worst in people. Everyone tries to get invited but they just want to come party on your dime.

I think the way you handled it was perfect. And for her continued guilt trips, just either ignore them or tell her flat out you're not that close. Once a year isn't close, sorry lol

I haven't had anyone directly ask me this! Are you having a reception at all? I only invited the closest of our friends to the wedding and other friends like that to my reception. I have friend that I am close with but as you say only see once a year and not as close as used to be. The way you handled it is fine to me, they should be understanding