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Bianca
Master August 2019 Ontario

FSIL Had Request For Photographer

Bianca, on March 30, 2019 at 12:29 Posted in Before the wedding 0 40
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Recently my FSIL proposed the idea that on my wedding day she wants to use my photographer to take a few professional photographs of herself, her husband, and their two kids (since they will all look nice dresses up). I didn’t have a problem with this until she then began suggesting that more photos be taken.

She wants a generational photo of FMIL, her, and her daughter, a generational photo of her husband, her son, and HER FIL. Am I wrong to want to be selfish with my very expensive photographer? How do I tell FSIL that I don’t want this?

I think I’m coming off (to them at least) as a bridezilla but that’s only because I’m super independent and I still don’t have set colours for my wedding (surprise, there are none because I just don’t care about that). How do I tell her “no” to using my photographer? I was going to have a talk to my photographer ahead of time to ensure that she doesn’t get bamboozled into taking dozens of poses photos for them.

Any advice would be extremely helpful ❤️

40 Comments

Latest activity by Bianca, on May 21, 2019 at 11:00
  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    Right?! I finally had a conversation with FH about this and about how I don't think it's a reasonable request. He completely agreed that if there's any time left over, then they could "borrow" a photographer (but jokes on him, I'm still not letting that happen lol).

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  • Emily
    Frequent user August 2019 New Brunswick
    Emily ·
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    Straight up excuse me NO! if shes not helping pay for the photographer she does not get a say.
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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    Thank you for the advice Vinod!

    I haven't seen FSIL since she asked but I'm going to wait and see if she dares to bring it up again before the wedding. I'm so uncomfortable with the entire situation and unfortunately there's no option to tell her to arrange another day with our photographer (she's from OOT). I am glad to hear from you and so many others that I'm not out of line from thinking that her request is absolutely wrong.

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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    Definitely not!! I wouldn't let anyone hijack my photographer at my wedding either!

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  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    If I were in your shoes, I would say lets arrange 2 hours before my time for the photos you want and have a contract with the photographer of her own to pay for. This way she can have all the time she needs and then the photographer is all yours for the day.

    Her ignorance isn't a excuse to take your time or expense away from you and your getting ready to the whole evening of excitement. Talk to your photographer and have a contract set for them and have him contact her to arrange a time to meet. Also mention that this is the only time for them and no other photos beyond that time.

    FSIL should pay you the amount for the photographer if she feels she wants that extra time and for your wedding. Its fair to you and her.

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  • Robyn
    Super June 2019 Ontario
    Robyn ·
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    You're very welcome! I hope everything goes well Smiley smile

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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    Can you come and tell her that please? Hahah... she's seriously so ignorant that she thinks there's going to be enough time for all these photographs. I do love your advice tho and will work hard to ensure that there is no time for her photographs to be taken Smiley smile

    Thanks for the advice Stephanie!!

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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    You make such a good point that it's the equivalent of a headshot. I knew it sounded a little odd that she was asking for a nice family shot, but I agreed until she started talking crazy about all these shots (none of which were to have me in it). I honestly feel like it's their way of remembering the day without me (we don't have the closest relationship).

    I'm going to check with my photographer about how long it takes to get each shot, although I think we're going to stick with more candid, natural pictures since I'm not a fan of the traditional wedding party shots.

    Thank you so much for your advice Kelly! It's really helping put things into perspective regarding this bizarre request!

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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    I'm absolutely going to tell FSIL something like this if she brings it up again. I seriously can't believe that this is something a guest would request tho! I'll be chatting with my photographer and hopefully she knows how to handle situations like these.

    Thanks for the advice Erin!

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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    My FSIL is so ignorant that she would probably ask to see the contract where it says that it costs per photograph (she's ignorant enough to suggest this photo shoot, so I wouldn't put it past her). I'm definitely going to be having a chat with my photographer to ensure that we're both clear about how to handle what I'm sure will be an uncomfortable situation.

    Thanks for the advice Candace!

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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    Aw Stephanie, thank you for saying I'm not being selfish! Sometimes FH's family has the tendency to make me feel like I am.

    I'm having 2 photographers but it's really out of principle and spite that I don't want them taking formal pictures of FSIL. I know that sounds a little harsh, but there's so much history to this and I want pictures of all my guests, not just them lol.

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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    I didn't even think about the fact that the photographer can only take and edit so many photos! I recently had a discussion with FMIL about how long we have for photographs and she has the audacity to tell me that it's not enough time. So if it's not enough time, why are you encouraging your daughter to take away my photography time?

    Thanks for the advice Tori! Smiley smile

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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    Oooo that's a good line to say in case FSIL keeps pushing for it (which I wouldn't be surprised if she did). Thanks for the advice Kayla!

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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    Thanks for the advice Veronica!

    I'm really glad to hear that I'm not the only one dealing with this and I am absolutely going to talk to my photographer ASAP about what is and is not to happen on the wedding day.

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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    That story really makes me feel better that I'm not the first bride to deal with this. I just can't imagine asking someone else's photographer to take personal photographs for you. I'm going to talk to my photographer tomorrow about this and make it clear that this is not going to happen under any circumstances.

    Thanks for your advice Amelia!

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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    I'm glad I'm not sounding like a bridezilla lol. I've honestly tried to be the opposite but this is literally the final straw with FH's family.

    Thanks for the advice Allison Smiley smile

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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks there's not enough time for what they're requesting! Like I said, if it were just one photograph, sure, take it. But they're planning on doing generational photos and this and that and no where did they mention me. I'm sorry, but the bride is a big part of the wedding! I really hope my photographer says she just won't allow it, but even if not, this is not happening lol.

    Thanks for replying Maegan!

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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    I'm going to talk to my photographer and tell her not to allow these pictures to be taken. I honestly don't have the time to deal with the stress of them commandeering my photographer for their photo shoot and I don't even want to go through the trouble of telling them; they can find out the hard way at my wedding.

    Thanks for your advice Kelly! Smiley smile

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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    Ah Holly, this is just what I needed to hear lol. At this point it's totally the principle of things and that's why I'm not allowing her to even get one photo in. And guess what? I have two photographers so I could even spare one for a brief period of time but I really don't want to lol. I wouldn't even need to worry about other family members asking for this strange request since this is something that only someone lacking social etiquette would do.

    Thank you so much for your advice Holly Smiley smile

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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    I'm definitely going to have a chat with my photographer about this and how even if they have time, I don't feel comfortable with this request. At this point it's the principle of it and how bizarre she is to think that I'd be alright with this.

    Thanks for the advice Caitlyn! Smiley smile

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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    So rude, right?! I honestly had no problem if she wanted one nice photo, but to commandeer our photographer on the most photographed day of my life? That's too much. I'm going to have a chat with my photographer about this well before the wedding in order for the bad news to come from her (and not me).

    Thanks for the advice Sarah Smiley smile

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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    That's absolutely what I'm going to do. I'm going to have a private chat with my photographer about this (not even telling FH about this) and have her break the bad news that there is no time for their photo shoot lol. Thanks so much for the advice Casey Smiley smile

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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    I'm absolutely going to take your advice and talk to my photographer about this. I certainly hope that my photographer hasn't encountered this since it's a little wacky! Thanks for the advice Robyn Smiley smile

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  • Stephanie
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Stephanie ·
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    Ok! So photo time goes by WAY FASTER than you think! I think it's fine of her to request 1 photo but the multiple is really getting into your paid time and is kinda rude IMO! I would tell her you're fine with the one photo, and the other ones can ONLY happen once all your wedding photos are done and if theres time left then! She cannot do her family photos before or during! I think that's a fair trade off!
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  • Kelly
    Expert September 2019 Manitoba
    Kelly ·
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    That's pretty ballsy of her to ask to be honest.

    My photographer gave us a shot list for family photos to fill out. She specified that each shot combo takes about 5-8 minutes to coordinate and capture, so if your sister in law is getting a bit out of hand, that might be something you can mention to her. You're absolutely right, you have paid a lot of money for your photographer to capture your wedding day, and its pretty rude for anybody to want to hijack them, even for a few photos. Just say while you don't mind having your photographer taking a couple family photos of them, your photographer has a tight shot schedule, and you want to ensure that you and your husband are getting what YOU paid for with their services. Any normal human being would totally understand that.

    I know the family photos are my photographer's least fav part of the day; its a bit like herding cattle. Photographers want to capture the spontaneous and candid moments. Wouldn't hurt to mention it to your photographer too and just say your sister in law wants to get a family photo because they're all dressed up, but if she tries to bamboozle any more picture, just say no. The vendors you hire will be your champions on the day because you're the one paying them, not your sister in law.

    I work in performing arts and a good chunk of my guests are professional performers. Its the equivalent of one of my bridal party asking if my photographer could take a couple headshots for them because they're dressed up....

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  • Erin
    Super May 2022 Ontario
    Erin ·
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    What's that saying you give an inch and they take a mile. I think you should say that you just double checked your photo package/contract and you are only allotted x# of photos and that it states in your contract that any extra photos of guests/family are not allowed, which I am sure is a legit thing. Just make sure to have your photographer in on your discussion with your FSIL.

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  • Candace
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Candace ·
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    I would just explain to her that the photographer will be getting photos of you and your new husband and will be very busy. She should understand that. I would be tempted to say that there is a charge per photo taken of her and see if she still wants to have a bunch taken.
    For sure talk to your photographer and let her know so she can be prepared for it as well.
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  • Stephanie
    Master July 2018 Alberta
    Stephanie ·
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    Just wanted to pipe in and say, you are not being selfish! In fact, I think you are being very generous by agreeing at first to her having pictures with your photographer! I consider myself fairly easygoing, and there is no way I would’ve agreed! I hired my photographers because I loved their creativity and wanted them to use that on us!
    Also, are you having one or two photographers? I had two, and found that the pictures during the reception were mostly from one photographer so there could be some time during the dinner or dance where one photographer could take a few formals of guests.
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  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·
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    Yup! This is exactly what I would tell them.

    You can even go with the whole, you are only allotted so many photo's because realistically you are only given a certain amount of pics back that are edited so if anything I would tell her that your photographer is willing to take photo's after all of the wedding ones are done for a price (of course it would be up to the photographer on that but I would assume that is what they would say...?)

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  • K
    Curious June 2019 Alberta
    Kayla ·
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    I would go this route. It deflects from you personally saying no, and sets a tone. You could also say you’ve been asked the same thing by many people and to keep it fair you are not able to accommodate these requests.
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  • Veronica
    Super October 2021 Alberta
    Veronica ·
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    Agreed with everyone else! This is actually a concern of mine as well, I have some lets say photo obsessed people among family/friends, and I am worried of my photographer and our money being taken advantage of. But I agree that the photographer should be able to handle this, I am sure they come across it a lot of the time. It's not fair to you and your groom AND it is not fair to the photographer as that is like a 2 for 1 situation.

    So you are not being a bridezilla at all! I would say no from the get go and also warn your photographer.

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  • Amelia
    Super September 2020 Ontario
    Amelia ·
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    My photographer actually brought up this scenario when we initially met with him. He said he'd once been asked to take a quick formal photo of the MOH with her SO, so he stepped away quickly to do it and the bride got quite upset. He specifically asked us how we felt about it so I would definitely go to your photographer rather than your FSIL. It would save any drama or unpleasant conversations since she could just tell your FSIL that it's a professional rule that you and your FH need to be her focus for the day.

    No kidding though - if you can shell out thousands for your day, she can pay a couple hundred for a short shoot.

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