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Candace
VIP May 2019 Ontario

Friends wedding

Candace, on February 28, 2018 at 13:01 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 8
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So a friend of mine is getting married two months after me (I got engaged last March she got engaged two weeks ago) I'm happy for her but she is planning what to me sounds like a wedding disaster and I don't know how to tell her.
She wants to have the ceremony at city hall and just have a reception after which is all fine, but they don't have a large budget because the groom wanted a small ceremony and small reception, so to avoid having an expensive (but big) wedding they are using a family farm for the reception which no one from their guest list lives near other then the aunt and uncle who own it. 70-80% of guests live 4 hours from the venue. They want to have a stock the bar party so they can use all that alcohol at their wedding and they hopefully only have to provide mixers. They want to have a potluck dinner for over 100 guests and the farm is in the middle of nowhere so they have to shuttle everyone in and out.

When she was telling me about her plans all I could think was that it's going to be expensive for the guests since we will have to provide the alcohol and enough food to serve around 100 people. Everything I have read says that stock the bar parties are great but when the alcohol runs out, and it says it quickly runs out they quoted around 1.5-2 hours max, a lot of guests tend to start leaving. When the guests leave they have to find a way back to their hotel room for the night and then drive 4 hours home the next day.. My fiancé and I want to mention this to her but don't know how to approach it

8 Comments

Latest activity by Catherine, on March 1, 2018 at 09:49
  • Catherine
    Frequent user June 2018 Ontario
    Catherine ·
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    My friends had a wedding like this, and they asked for a potluck dish instead of a gift. It was in the country, we could take their shuttle or tent on the property and we brought lawn chairs to sit on. Best wedding I’ve ever gone too. And our dishes were not meant to feed 100...if a hundred people brought food for a hundred people, it would get out of hand. We aimed to feed 25-30. I’d say make suggestions to help her sort out the logistics, but it’s her vision and I’ve seen it work beautifully.
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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    She should just be aware that if she does go ahead with her wedding plans, she most-likely will receive less gifts (monetary or otherwise).

    I attended a wedding that was a good 4 hours away (in traffic) in Muskoka and it was a pain in the ass. Thankfully they provided food and alcohol so it wasn’t TOO bad, but we were at the mercy of the hosts to shuttle us to and from their venue so it was annoying when I wanted to leave.

    Good luck to your friend!
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  • Courtney
    Super July 2018 Ontario
    Courtney ·
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    I wanted a potluck wedding originally, so I am definitely in favour of the idea.

    HOWEVER - that seems like a lot of asks.. and I'm not sure how the logistics would work. I would gently talk to her about that.

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  • Breanne
    Expert August 2018 Ontario
    Breanne ·
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    I agree, it doesn't really sound like the best ideas... One or the other might work (ie. the venue OR the potluck OR the stock the bar) but all together it sounds like a huge imposition on the guests to be honest.

    I think one logistical standpoint may be to suggest that the potluck might not be feasible for a lot of the guests - most food that you would bring to a potluck won't withstand a 4 hour drive or cannot be prepared/stored in a hotel if they're staying nearby. And what would happen if half the guests weren't able to bring food?

    I'm with Holly in that I don't think I would go if I got this invitation. Four hours to drive is a lot and with having to pay for gas, a hotel room, a couple bottles and a potluck item for a crowd of people - that's a huge undertaking.

    Also, maybe suggest she start looking in to things that they will have to rent even for a venue that's free - between tables, chairs, tent, electrical equipment, port-a-potties, dance floor, bar equipment, glassware, plates & silverware... It may not be as cheap as they think once they start doing the research and they may be better off to find a local hall or legion which are generally well priced and provide a lot of that.

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  • Erin
    Master September 2017 Ontario
    Erin ·
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    As someone who got married at a farm that is 3 hours from where most of the guests came from (and where we live), it is not a bad idea to have the wedding there. We contacted a local hotel and reserved a block of rooms for our guests and they chose to stay there or not. We arranged for a bus to do pick up and drop off for guests at our location. Not having to spend money on a venue was a HUGE money saver for us. Much like any other wedding, if people really want to be there they will make it happen.

    I would agree with you that a potluck wedding may not be the best plan since it requires so much of the guests and the logistics behind seem crazy. I also have never heard of a stock the bar party so I cannot really speak to it but it doesn't sound like the best option.

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  • Candace
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Candace ·
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    She hasn't mentioned providing a hotel block but she mentioned not knowing what everyone's price range would be for a hotel so she doesn't know where people will stay, so sounds like she won't be
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  • Stephanie
    Master July 2018 Alberta
    Stephanie ·
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    You could ask her if she's been to a wedding like that and let her know that you found an article that she might want to read about a stock the bar party. She might not realize that they aren't the best option.

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  • Holly
    VIP June 2019 Ontario
    Holly ·
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    Well I know for sure I wouldn't be attending that wedding, especially since I am planning a wedding and that's expensive enough I don't want to be spending all that money for another wedding. If I was in your situation I would just politely mention the possible cost for the guests. I'd let her know that it is a concern for myself and possibly other guests too. And as for the distance are they providing a hotel block to the guests? Or are guests on their own for that?
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