Flaky bridesmaids

I feel like I've been blessed with my bridesmaids - they all keep telling me they will take care of things and every other day they ask me what I need help with and what can they do. One of them even said that I shouldn't be giving them presents at all, that I have too many things to take care of.

I think the best for you would be to sit down with them, talk to them and explain what your expectations are. I agree that they are not free labour, it is your wedding after all. But wanting help from them is also nothing to feel guilty about. In all situations communication is the best thing, and don't expect everyone read your mind. Hopefully, if they are close friends of yours or family members, they will understand.

I agree and disagree with a few things. I for sure would never look to my girls as free labour, if I needed help with something I'm sure they would but I would never EXPECT them to do a whole bunch of stuff for me.

Everyone has their own lives and things get busy! I agree that the last minute bail, and the napper is a little rude to me when you had something planned but again things do happen!

If it is stressing you out I would for sure just sit and talk to them, work out your expectations so they understand and maybe layout timelines of when things NEED to be done for you!

The only absolute I have given my girls is that I want them there the day of my wedding ahaha!

Your bridal party (in a perfect world) should help you plan and prep for your wedding, but not everybody gets lucky with wonderful bridesmaids that go over and beyond. One thing I have learnt while planning my wedding is that while people may be "happy" for you, because its not there wedding they don't carry the stress or burden for helping, so you will end up having to do the majority of stuff by yourself, with your fiance, or close family members. Oddly I've found that for some reason weddings bring out the best and worst in people, I lost 1 friend during the process (not sure why). You're also very kind as to purchase the dresses and pay for the alterations for your bridal party, my bridal party had to pay for theres. I do not think your overreacting, it is a stressful time especially to plan a wedding without a supportive team. Hopefully if they are good friends you can share your feelings to them in a nice way and let them know you would really appreciate some help and effort as you are feeling overwhelmed. Especially if they agreed to be a party of your wedding. But in the end don't focus to much on all the stress and problems, because its your day and as long as your future husband is at the aisle, nothing else will matter !.

View quoted message I couldn't agree more with everything you've said.

Oh wow. I get it's a hard task to get everyone in the same room but that's so disrespectful! I hate to say it but this is usually when you see people's true sides... Sad.

I'll say one thing, I realize that people have busy lives, and things come up, but "peopled out" and a nap are probably the two flakiest, stupid reasons to miss something like a dress fitting... GEEZ. I feel badly for you.

And someone said something about "since when are bridesmaids considered free labour"... um, since ever? That's the point of them. They are supposed to be a group of BRIDES MAIDS, to help the bride have an easier time with getting married. People know what expectations of bridesmaids are, we've seen enough movies, or heard enough stories, or been to enough weddings to know better... Real friends will make the experience better, not worse.

I would speak individually to your girls, explain that you felt hurt and kind of rejected for them not prioritizing the wedding, and that moving forward you need them to take appointments and requests seriously.

I have never understood why people agree to be in a wedding party and then don't actually help out. I haven't had any help from any of our party, except for when it came to the stag and doe and only a few helped. My FH and I have done all of the planning for it. I was able to get my MOH to come with me to pick out the dress and that's it. Everything else has been planned through text.

Weddings really do bring out the worst in people. My MOH just got engaged a few months ago and I'm waiting for her to ask me to help plan hers. They also just bought a house and are renovating so all of her spare time has been going towards that, which I do understand, however I have asked her to do a DIY project for me but she can never find time to do it.

The only advice I have for future brides is to not bother with a wedding party unless you absolutely know that they will be there for you. The party has caused more stress than anything through this whole planning process. We wouldn't have had any sort of stress if it were just the two of us!

View quoted message Oh boy.. well don't even worry about it, just enjoy your day!! 😊

View quoted message With 52 days left to the wedding. I doubt it lol I'll have to deal with it until the end.

Thank you for your support

View quoted message Wedding make people crazy, especially when it's not even their wedding. It's weird lol honestly $50 wouldn't be a big deal, she can find a way to squeeze that in if it's so important. I know how you feel with everyone telling me things and not realizing it's adding to my stress.. hopefully she can settle down and come around soon!

View quoted message No, he's just a guest. He does need to get the pants hemmed and arms shortened but I was super annoyed how she just brought up that it wasn't in her budget. My brother had to get a suit taken in last year and my MIL charged him only $50. Not like it's costs hundreds lol.

I haven't lost it on her yet as I'm just completely fed up with her attitude and just let it slide. She sees nothing wrong with her attitude or the things she says. She thinks it's ok to "tell me how she feels" and doesn't realise it stresses me. All this because I chose the dress without her being there. I went with my mom and happened to find it.

View quoted message That's unfair for you MOH to assume her BF gets the same treatment.. is he in the wedding party? Because if he's not then he doesn't even need to get his suit tailored because no one really cares what his suit is going to look like lol honestly if my MOH didn't get involved then complained I'd probably lose it and let her know how I feel. Sorry you're dealing with that.

Ugh. Poor you!!! I feel you. My FMIL is a steam stress. She's doing all the tailoring for everyone in the bridal party for free. My mom and MOH have been horrible in the whole process.

I have been telling them since February they need to go get this fitted as it's down time for my FMIL. My mom couldn't be bothered. My MOH made me make an appointment, showed up wearing a sports bra! Can't pin anything. Tried the dress on, started complaining how she hated it and she chose it under pressure, it's not flattering etc. I basically went postal on her and was super upset.

Flash forward to last weekend where my poor FMIL made them both do their fittings before my bridal shower as she was getting fed up. My mom was awful, don't do this, don't do that etc. My MOH finally like her dress as my FMIL was able to pin it back properly.

Yesterday I got a text fromy MOH asking when she should get her boyfriend to bring in his suit. She thought it was going to be free and complained that if it will cost her money, she didn't budget for that and to forget it.

Keep in mind, she's paid for ZERO so far for the wedding, save for $20 on earrings. I've paid everything for her and my other bridesmaid, I even paid my mom's dress.

In reality I think bridesmaids are supposed to be helpful, but the majority really aren't. I even get bitched at because i do "everything without her". She has taken zero interest any diy projects so I've done them with the FH. Now that there's nothing left to really do, she tells me how disappointed she is that she's had no involvement in her best friend's wedding. I can't win.

That's inconsiderate of the girls to make the plans with you and then bail. I think that is the most upsetting part of it since you were doing it to help them.

At this point I would advise them where they can pick up their dresses, and you can give them ONE more chance for you to hem them yourself. If they miss the appointment with you again, it's up to them to find a seamstress. You have enough things to do before the wedding that chasing down the girls to help them out isn't a high priority for you.

Talk to them and let them know how it makes you feel. I had one bridesmaid who was being a bit difficult in terms of getting together or dress shopping appointments. I asked her if everything was okay with her, and if she really was able to be there for the things I needed her there for (pretty minimal: Dress shopping, alterations, rehearsal dinner and day off.. bachelorette and anything else is optional). She wasn't being flakey to be mean, but I think me talking to her helped a lot and things improved.

View quoted message Thats exactly what I did. Unfortunately in my case she decided she didn't even want to be a guest either... Which proves I did the right thing I guess.. I haven't replaced her, not sure if I will..

I had a bridesmaid that was flaky and stressing me out and I honestly just told her maybe she would be happier just being a guest and essentially fired her.. since I replaced her I have been happier and her replacement has been more helpful then the original bridesmaid ever was. I talked her quite a few times before hand to try and figure out why she was being that way but ultimately I think it was right to let her go as a bridesmaid

I totally get that, would be very frustrating! My daughters Bridesmaids don’t all live in the same city, so it’s tricky for sure! The maid of honour should absolutely be helping you out more. If they are unable to do the job as your right hand then they should have declined. Hope it gets better for you!

Honestly, I've never understood the whole deal with bridal parties being free labour to help with the planning and prep. Sure, it can be great if they do, but when it comes down to it, it's your wedding. No else should be responsible for making it happen except the bride and groom.

That said, what exactly are you expecting from your party? Was it truly necessary for all bridesmaids to be there while you hemmed the others dresses or did you just want them all there? I've been to a dress fitting as a bridesmaid that took 2 hours because I was the last to get pinned. If I had been able to go by myself to would have taken 15 minutes but the bride wanted everyone there. For a busy person 15 mins v 2 hours is a huge time commitment.

You and your party need to get on the same page on what is expected from them for this wedding. There's nothing more stressful to everyone than different expectations.

I would definitely talk to them! Especially your MOH so she can help you. I have a flaky BM she doesn’t live near me though so that’s hard but she is so bad at responding to messages and phone calls. My MOH and other BM’s never know what’s going on with her I always have to reach out to her one on one and typically we try to talk in a Facebook group chat to make things easier. I’ve mentioned it to her a couple of times that the girls have a hard time getting a hold of her or we never hear back from her about stuff and nothings changed unfortunately. If I can’t rely on her to go get her dress on time I’ll probably have to replace her but I hope it doesn’t come to that. Hopefully you can get through to your girls at least your MOH, they should be there for you to help you plan such a major life event and not add to your stress! I would just be up front and honest about how you’re feeling I’m sure when they hear it they will feel bad and apologize. Good luck!

Wow!! That is fusteraring! Sorry to hear about all of that. It is hard when you have different people and all such different lives. You buying everyone’s dress and doing the alterations is very kind. They should be more considerate and try to set up times with you to do the alterations.

I have 3, and im lucky i dont have this problem. getting them to think hair & makeup looks is not easy.

It's such a tricky thing! Yes it shook us be implied but if you don't know or haven't done it before then how would you know? And don't forget trying to coordinate different personalities and schedules is hard as is!



I have 10 girls (yes, 10!) and it's been quote the roller coaster! I managed to get 7 out of 10 into David's last week and this week coming I will go to David's twice with 2 that I just couldn't get in at the same time. My sister is living away from home right now so she will go alone and send pics (all wearing different style just have to choose)

Remeber in life in general it's all about compromise and understanding, hard as that can be especially when your in bride mode! Just try being frank, open and honest with them to snap them into BM mode. Also, do you have a MOH? I have designated her to round up the troops and she has been good at messaging the group about tips, important info ect.

Have you had a talk with them and let them know what you expect of them? I would start there if not.

I also agree with Holly that if they can't bother to show up for the alterations, they should have to pay for it themselves. If they aren't going to help out, they shouldn't get the same benefits as those who do help.

I know a lot of people might say that their only duty is to show up and stand there with you on your day, but that’s untrue. These girls agreed to be your bridesmaids and it sounds like you literally couldn’t be making it any easier for them.

I’m really sorry you’re going through this, maybe have a one-on-one with each of them to let them know how their actions are making you feel while you plan one of the biggest days of your life.

Good luck ❤️

If they can't bother to show up then you can't get their dresses done and they will have to deal with that, not you. If the dresses are too uncomfortable for then because they don't fit nicely then that's their problem unfortunately. My original MOH was super unreliable so I replaced her, she continued to be extremely unreliable so I dropped her from my wedding party completely. Talk to your girls, and hopefully they will be more responsive then my girl was. Express your concerns and if they still can't be bothered then maybe you either need to reconsider or just have them deal with it themselves. Sorry you're dealing with this! Goodluck!