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Amelia
Curious October 2018 Nova Scotia

Feeling torn

Amelia, on January 20, 2018 at 10:31 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 9
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My fiance and I are having a hard time coming to an agreement on what we want for a wedding.
I want a late morning ceremony with a brunch reception and lawn games with our main families and close friends.
He wants a courthouse ceremony with just 2 of our friends for witnesses and no family at all.
We tried to compromise by having a small wedding at our local park with just our parents and close friends but now my family are all upset and are starting to say they'll pitch in and help out with costs and everything. And one of my aunt's has already booked her flight for the date even though she never received a save the date or invitation or anything. She only knew about the date from talking to another one of my aunt's who lives locally.
My thoughts are maybe we should have the ceremony and reception on different days. So we can have the small ceremony my fiancè wants, and the reception with family that I want.
Has anyone ever done this? How did it work? I don't want to hurt my families feelings by not inviting them.

9 Comments

Latest activity by Erin, on January 23, 2018 at 09:51
  • Erin
    Master September 2017 Ontario
    Erin ·
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    I think you guys need to find a compromise that works for both of you and ignore the input from others. It is your wedding and the only people you really need to please are you two!

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  • Ap2017
    Super September 2017 Ontario
    Ap2017 ·
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    Whatever you choose don’t let anyone bully you otherwise, they’ll get over it (and your aunt gets a nice family visit instead of a wedding Smiley winking ) <--THIS!

    You guys need to sit down and figure out a compromise that works for the 2 of you, not everyone else - this is your day after all! If you spend all your time wedding planning worrying about not hurting anyone's feelings, you'll drive yourself insane. Just know that at the end of the day, the people who love you will be happy for you regardless of what your wedding day looks like!

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  • Jessica
    Super March 2018 Ontario
    Jessica ·
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    My brother in law had a small ceremony with just immediate family (sibling and parents) on one day in September with a backyard BBQ followed by a larger reception for family and friends the following month in October. I think the month difference was to save some extra money to afford the reception. Whatever you choose don’t let anyone bully you otherwise, they’ll get over it (and your aunt gets a nice family visit instead of a wedding Smiley winking )
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  • Candace
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Candace ·
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    My fiancé initially mentioned going to the courthouse with our MOH and Bestman and our parents for the ceremony then having a large reception where everyone else celebrated with us. Maybe that is a fair compromise for you both? You could do them on seperate days or you could go to the courthouse in the morning and have either a late lunch reception or a dinner reception 😊
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  • Emily
    Devoted October 2018 Ontario
    Emily ·
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    My FH both wanted a small wedding. We had toyed with doing it on two separate days but ended up choosing to go with a small ceremony of just our immediate family and a few close friends and then are having a larger reception to accommodate other family members and more friends to share in the celebration.
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  • Stephanie
    Master July 2018 Alberta
    Stephanie ·
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    I had a friend who invited people to the ceremony only but not the reception. The reception was small but they wanted everyone at the ceremony to celebrate with them. It all depends what the two of you want. It sounds like a private ceremony with a bigger reception might be a good compromise for you.

    My cousin got married in Japan and streamed the ceremony. It was just her and her husband. They then had a reception in Canada a couple months later. No one was invited to Japan but we all got to celebrate with them at the reception.

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  • Vanessa
    Expert August 2018 Manitoba
    Vanessa ·
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    I have a friend who wanted to get married in a court house. But her husbands side of the family and everyone wanted something bigger so they settled on a boat wedding in San Diego as that's where their living. It was a lunch cruise lasted 4 hours. Was beautiful. More than we ever thought we'd see. small wedding. All on one spot. Captain married them. She had about 15 people their and him about the same. Compromising is hard. I'm still working on it with my FH and our venue.
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  • Jen889
    Devoted May 2018 Quebec
    Jen889 ·
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    Why don't you just go to the courthouse in the morning and then do you reception. This way he gets what he really wants and you get what you really want. Courthouses here in Quebec open at 9am, not sure where you are, so it would be completely feasible.

    Family always sticks their noses when it comes to weddings. Stand your ground and explain what you guys want and that's it.
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  • Jackie
    Devoted April 2019 Ontario
    Jackie ·
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    If it helps, I went to a friend wedding but not her reception. She had a two day wedding. So the following day she had her reception. Not sure what the reasoning was for it but that’s how she did it. No way is the wrong way. If it works for you both I’d say do it! It’s supposed to be a happy day. Don’t let anything stress you out. Enjoy and best of luck Amelia.
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