Dress Code

I think you could easily express this to people who are going to be in lots of photos, like parents and grandparents.


Other guests might be able to accommodate, while some might not be able to afford a wedding gift and new outfit. As long as you won't be too heartbroken if someone wears their go to LBD I'd say go for it.

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Yeah, I mean....you asked for opinions. Just giving mine. Based on your responses to everybody though, it seems like you just wanted people to say what you wanted to hear.

Its your wedding girl. Do whatever you want. It'll be a great day no matter what.

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Megan...Thanks you so much...I love idea...about how to bring idea of dress color code in the invitation...even if 90% know it already...we have talk about it in person..but I will fallow your advice. Yes it is small wedding...family and few friends. Only there will be one couple, who is my husbands contact person in business, to whose wife I feel little bit uncomfortable to ask it...so that will be written in our invitation.

Yes there is a lot of things what is written, but so much things are changing with modern times. I am often old school..I always go to friends or someones home with mini gift, chocolate, wine or something.

In past when I was younger, people were going to theater and opera in suits and beautiful dresses. Today it is finished. You will see man in jeans.

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Kelly...That's why I felt not too bad that I ask something like that because we have small wedding...30 people...and all are close family...and only few very close friends. And there is no people who will have problem of buying something for wedding ( i will buy something for my mother and something for my daughter in law,for then not to s[end money for clothing ). Today women can buy dress or costume for 23-40 $ even. We are taking care of our guests...we pay their stay in hotel. Transportation, and we dont ask any gifts. So I dont see any problem.

I will have for each guest boutonniere and corsage and I want to have big picture together. And I hope that each will have some nice picture to bring home where they are alone as well. I want to make each guest special. I will advise, if they want they can change after ceremony. I think it is much ruder, if i ask you to come for my wedding and you agree and then show up as you said in black dress. If your close person ask you such a small thing as please could you wear for my party any color you wish from pastel tones, and it is difficult for you to do it, I guess that person means nothing to you and you should not go to that wedding, that's it! That's why I am going only to few weddings, only to my very close people.

View quoted message What a nice way of addressing the issue.

I wouldn't be offended, but I would absolutely be annoyed at this request.

Firstly, it is an added cost for your guests. I know that I only have a few fancy dresses in my closet that I rotate through for weddings and special occasions. I would have to buy a dress specifically for your wedding. Not everybody has the budget to just go buy a new dress.

As others have mentioned, pastel colours don't work on everybody. For myself specifically, this would absolutely be the case. So not only would I have to purchase a dress, I would have to spend money on something that I don't look good in, or feel confident in, or even like. To be totally honest, I would probably just show up in a dress I like and not give a crap about your pastel request. Sorry.

I understand that you want everything to be harmonious in the wedding photos, but how many pictures are your guests going to actually be in? And the photos they are in. they aren't the pictures you're printing and handing up around the house.

Maybe consider these colour restrictions for just the close family members that will be in the family photos?

I think it depends on the size of your wedding. If you are having a small intimate wedding with just close family, then coordination might be feasible. Everything that I have read online dictates that it is still considered a little rude to try to dictate what your guests wear - they are adults, after all! It might be a great idea for you to publish your wedding colours on your invitation e.g. "Our theme for the wedding is burgundy, navy, and gold! We would LOVE to see you wearing something that matches our theme!" or something along those lines might go over better than "please wear ___". At the end of the day, I think you'll find you're much more focused on marrying your FH that when you look back in 5-10 years, the colours your guests wore won't really matter to you. Best of luck

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Thank you Stephanie for your positive review!

I guess, since wedding is so small, and we will not fallow a lot of traditions. I mostly was taking this wedding, as I would organise a fun party. Where I want to make special everyone of our guests. Usually boutonniere and corsage in wedding, you give only special people. In our wedding, everyone will have one.

I personally have never seen a dress code on a wedding invitation but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. I think what you’re asking isn’t outrageous: men can easily buy dark clothing and women can find light dresses. As a guest, I may be annoyed if I have to buy something especially for a wedding. But, it’s general enough I could still find something I like.

View quoted message Thank you Natalie😊 Finally, some one easy going! For me, if some one forgets and dress different, it will not make me angry🤣 it will make me lough!

I not only love this but would totally not be offended at all. You’re incorporating all of guests into photos and asking for a dress code means you’re including everyone into your plans. Here’s the reason why I didn’t do it though.

There will always be that ONE PERSON who didn’t read it and show up in something totally left, and the only thing worse for my OCD other than colour madness is ONE OFF madness. Imagine everyone in pastel except for ten of those out of town folk who didn’t adhere to the notice?

If you have a small party and can guarantee the cooperation than do it.

View quoted message Wow...if it would be your sister in law, you would refuse to go, because of dress code? Thats rued as well! 🤣
In the end, the ones who refuse, because of dress code, are as un polite, as you all say, asking dress code is not polite!
Tree with two ends!
Anyway, will all have our opinions! Thats good!

Umm this is just my thought but i would personally be offended being told what to wear lol. plus i dont have pastel colors so my FH and i would have to go out and buy new clothes. i probably wouldnt even do this people will be upset and talk bad about you

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Thank you BunnyBride for your opinion!

You wrote, what I was thinking! About pictures. You need a good photographer, who can place people right way, to play with colors.

Yes, all that drama of pastel colors, was only because of good pictures. I have so bad experience, when people come the way they want, the pictures after is a mess.

Even, if I am not person who will spend much money on photographer and videographer for our wedding. I still want nice pics.

I told that in other answer, that wedding will be small, and biggest part is close family and few friends. And we will take fantastic care of them. We will sit at the table with our guests, not separating us from them. The ones, who dont know our family as good, we will sit close to us. We take care for so many things, for our guests. That, if some one will not like our request for dress code, he will forgive

Also...after I read your comment...I was at that moment at our family member house, my husbands sisters house. And I ask her, maybe,I should cancel that idea and let you all dress the way you want. Just ask few of you to dress pastel. She was stressed. She said...a lot of girls have already pruches the dresses and so on. And then she told me, it is your wedding Liga, you can ask to us whatever you want. So, I guess problem solved. The official invitation I will send only in December and wedding is only next June. I guess in our family, we have different mindset. Again, if I would have big wedding..I would not do that..I would maybe ask only closest family member, again just for pictures. I even will advice close people, If some one want to change after Ceremony, he can do it. Since our wedding will be in special private club, with dressing room.

I remember...when I went to the last wedding, few years ago, I was dressed in black. There was no dress code. I was looking so heavy on the pictures. Definitely I regret my choice of color and cloth.

I was telling my future husband. That there is a lot of negative reaction toward my dress code idea on weddingwire. And so we laugh, it is a good idea, when you have too many people, who you need to invite for your wedding, so with this dress code, you could reduce number of people..

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If I am not wrong. You are a man! I don't ask to dress in pastel tones a man! I was asking that to girl guests only!

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Hy Bianca...The more I think about it.. the more I understand it is weird, to ask what I ask! But, yes, wedding is small, and very close people. I even start today to talk with one of our family guests, who knows about my idea of pastel colors. When I started to talk, maybe it is not right to ask, to dress in pastel tones.

She was almost in stress. She and other guests, have already pruches there dresses. She, just made me feel good, that they want to be in colors to much me, and it is my wedding and I can ask what I want ( that what she told )

I guess, as you said, people who love us,dont have any negative thoughts on that.

What do I think? I would probably laugh at this with my husband and if this were not a good friend/family member, we would probably decline.

Would I be offended? No, but like I said, we would probably decline if this was an invitation to a wedding of someone who we were not close with.

You do you tho. There's been weirder requests at weddings and the people who love and care for you and your FH will surely have no issue with this request.

It's not offensive, but it's problematic. I wouldn't enjoy it!

- the feeling of the guests

My personally opinion is don't think it's a great idea regardless of the size of the wedding and proper etiquette debate aside. Most "age old" wedding traditions and etiquette are less than 70-90 years old anyway so it's not like they've been around for crazy amounts of time anyway...but I digress on that tangent. :-P

My personal opinion aside: This is also your wedding and you know the guests best. They are your friends and family after all! :-) Sounds like you've already asked some feedback which is great too.

I would say use your judgement by thinking honestly how you think each of the guests would weigh in on this. Not just what they might say to be polite or not hurt your feelings on your big day. If there are some fashionitas or very independently spirited, it might leave a really bad taste in their mouth (I think I'd fall in this category...lol), but other laid back people might not really care too much. Stick to your guns once you've made a decision and remember you can't please everyone. If the majority of friends are honestly okay and supportive, go for it. :-)

Here's where I do the devil's advocate/food for thought section:

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Amelia made a very good point about not every person looking good in pastel. I do graphic art and photography...and, if it is photos you are worrying about, the people who don't like pastels are most likely the ones that shouldn't be wearing them in photos (e.i. too close to skin tone or too jarring with). If it's jarring or off to the eye in real life, that's going to transfer to your photos.

On the other end, I had a friend who wore a pink pastel top when getting pictures taken....and, well, every one double takes the picture because it matched her pale skin a little TOO well...lol. I guess the point is, restricting everyone to one option is just as much as a gamble as letting them wear what they want. Same goes if someone is uncomfortable in those colours. Tense body language will show up in photos as well.

The artist in me has to point out colour disharmony comes from certain colours being next to each other regardless of saturation (pastel vs. more vibrant/full). The reason it looks good in the photo you posted is because those three colours are equal distance from each other on the colour wheel (like the one you posted), which naturally jive together. That might be good to keep in mind for the bridal party/close family photos :-)

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Also, a tangent thought, how far in advance are you notifying guests of the dress code? Your wedding is in the summer, so a lot of the stores might have moved away from the spring pastel stock by then. Might be good to give people a heads up while the stores are still heavily stocked with pastels to lower any shopping stress.

Sorry this response was so long.
Hope you're planning is going well :-)

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I definitely, would not do this, if we would have big wedding. Since 90% is our close family, people who could be dressed as bridesmaids, but we dont want that part. So far...there have been only good reaction, and a lot of jokes, that some are planing to dress as rainbowor dress differently, to make me react.At least they will remember it forever!Yesterday seeing, so much negative opinion. I was thinking...maybe cancel that color code. But my husband said, no.Since is small wedding and so close people, there will not be a problem.again..I would have big wedding, I would not do that. I agree its not something you ask. But I would not take it personal if someone would invite me and would have some request to me. Even if some of lady would dress in black...it would not be a big deal.There will not be a FACE CONTROL So many beautiful tones..in pastel colors.

The other thing to consider with your request for pastel colours is guests' skin tone and hair colours. For whatever reason, all the women in my family look washed out and completely ridiculous in pastels. We found that out the hard way when we've gone dress shopping for them lol. As a guest, I wouldn't be happy if I was asked to wear something I know is not flattering on me.

I, personally, would likely decline an invitation to a wedding that had a rigid dress code unless it was immediate family. It’s one thing to ask for a certain type of clothing (eg black tie- but I would probably eyeroll at this pretty hard because most “black tie” dress codes do not come with true black tie weddings, in my experience), it is another thing to ask for certain colours, etc. Makes it feel like it’s all for instagram.

Considering you already have to have the guys in formal attire, aaaand you are paying for accomodations, aaaand it is a small wedding... I would think it's not a big ask and that it would be fine to request this.
Only way I see it being a problem is if it were me - I'm plus size so finding fancier dresses to begin with is hard so finding a specific type makes it even worse. As long as you give your guests lots of notice it should be fine.

View quoted message Kelsie... No, problem. I just did not think,that people would take it so offending.. So was surprise, and all the people who gave answer, think the same! I guess, I was waiting for different answer!

P.S. I will give it second thought.

View quoted message You asked if I would be offended, I gave a blunt answer that I would.

All I gave was an answer to your question

I am a little bit surprised, that people, feel so offended. And all I ask is to have pastel color dress code. Which includes a lot of choice. In my mind, much more rude is to ask money for wedding or specific gifts. I guess, each have his own thing, what is right and what is wrong.

Etiquette. I recently read, that it is not nice to make party for reveal of the gender of your baby. I think, in the end, we should do what we feel.

What i wanted to say with that. Not All what is written in etiquette and other type of things, fits the situation.

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I will need to rethink all this definitely! There is a lot of things what people dont do anymore in weddings, and new things they do.

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I understand what you mean! But our wedding place is special Private club. Where there is rules from the manager. Men must to be dressed in full suit. So, to add extra about colors for girls, I think it will not be too bad. Plus, it is a small wedding 30 people. Mostly family and very close friends. In the end people are dressing there bridesmaid in the same dress. And no one really complains about thatBut anyone can wear what he wants, all I ask is color keep calm.

We will take good care of our guest comfort, free transport, free hotel. We dont ask for gifts.So, in my mind, I dont ask anything bad.

Etiquette says you shouldn’t put a dress code on an invite unless it’s a genuine black tie wedding.

I will be frank, I would find this very off-putting. As per etiquette, there is a very limited selection of appropriate dress codes (white tie, black tie, cocktail, business formal, etc). The rationale for only having certain dress codes is that advising guests on the formality of dress is appropriate. Directing anything beyond that is generally not seen as polite and beyond the scope of the host.
If I were told to wear certain clothes/colours/hairstyle/etc, I would feel more like a prop than a guest.

I probably wouldn’t do this - guests want to like what they’re wearing not be told what to wear by then ride.

themes are fun for like birthdays ...maybe even a bridal shower but telling your guests what to wear to a wedding - I wouldn’t. You want your guests to be comfortable in the photos too.