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Super July 2018 Ontario

Disappointed

Courtney, on March 31, 2018 at 19:24 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 13

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I've pretty much done most the wedding planning on my own. My FH has been there if I need an opinion but not really done any of the leg work. It's fine. I enjoy the planning.

I have asked him to do one thing. Ask his sister to do a reading at the ceremony. For months I've asked him if he wants her to and for months have asked him to ask her (I think it's important the question comes from him due to some other stuff).
I have to have our finalized ceremony into the officiant on April 7. So he said he'd ask his sister yesterday.

Day has come and gone and no ask. Which I pointed out and he just shrugged. I expressed to him today that I'm upset he hasn't done it or seemed to care that he didnt and I didn't really get a response.

I'm disappointed. I'm frustrated that this so far has been the one wedding thing I've asked him to do and its not done. If I can't rely on him for something so simple what is that setting for marriage. (This sort of thing isn't super uncommon in our relationship. If he doesn't want to do something it doesn't get done)

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13 Comments

Latest activity by Erin, on April 17, 2018 at 14:52

Master September 2017 Ontario
Erin · On April 17, 2018 at 14:52
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It sucks that you have had to deal with this extra stress but at the same time you said that this is not unusual for him so I also don't get why you are surprised/upset. I think you just need to lay it out for him and tell him either he asks her or she is not involved. Also tell him how this makes you feel. If you are really set in having her involved then maybe you should just ask her yourself.
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Curious July 2018 Ontario
Cathy · On April 3, 2018 at 20:29
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You know who you are marrying so why are you disappointed? Like you said this is not new behaviour.......
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Devoted July 2018 Alberta
Lyla · On April 3, 2018 at 04:01
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My fiancé was also like this until I sat down with him and showed him all the expenses in our budget, all the detailed decor, stressed the hours I’ve spent researching, and the drama I’ve dealt with. We spent a few hours talking about it and thankfully since then he’s been really supportive. I’m not sure what your approach is, but maybe try tell him your concerns.. marriage is a partnership and he needs to realize he’s slacking on that front. I wish you luck
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Frequent user June 2020 Ontario
Alessia · On April 2, 2018 at 14:34
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I would be very frustrated if I didn't have support. I'm pretty much planning it all on my own as well but he is supportive when I ask questions. Plus he gives his input a lot too - even if it doesn't make sense I appreciate it.
I would have a talk with him and let him know how you are feeling. You should not feel alone in this process!
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Expert August 2021 British Columbia
Sarah · On April 2, 2018 at 03:00
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That would drive me crazy!When my FH doesn’t do something I want I have no issue throwing a fit lol..Being the only woman in a house of all men this works for us but might not work for you.I would sit him down and let it all out because you don’t want to go into the wedding angry that he didn’t help.
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Master October 2019 Ontario
Allison · On April 1, 2018 at 17:03
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I get what you're feeling, our date is pretty far away still but I hope my FH steps up closer to the date. I've already asked my wedding party but he has yet to ask his... I'm hoping he does soon! He is heading our house renos and I'm in charge of the wedding planning. Hopefully things work out for you Courtney, but if you want something done, you might have to do it yourself.
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VIP June 2018 Ontario
Jen · On April 1, 2018 at 11:45
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Just ask her yourself if you really want it done. Sometimes you can't rely on others to do the things you want done. Unfortunately, this person seems to be your FH. Express to him your concerns regarding this.
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Master August 2019 Ontario
Bianca · On April 1, 2018 at 10:33
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My FH is very similar in the sense where I have to push him to get things done. Have a good, sit-down conversation with him where you tell him how important this is. If all else fails, ask his sister yourself and just have it done with. I know it’s not ideal but it might just be what has to be done.
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Devoted November 2018 Ontario
Emily · On April 1, 2018 at 08:48
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I'm sorry you're so frustrated. Maybe you need to have a serious talk, and say that it's about more than just him asking his sister at this point. You just want reassurance that you will have help when things NEED to get done in life's difficult times. Just remind him that you should be a team, and the wedding is celebrating your relationship, not just you as the bride. I hope things get better ❤
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Frequent user April 2018 Ontario
Amyfanggg · On April 1, 2018 at 08:35
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Awww I am on the same boat. Mine was about asking his friends for their address to send out the invitations. He kept pushing back because he does shift work and so he's tired all the time and he forgets. He is also just forgetful in general. I cried more than once due to stress and I've used those opportunities to tell him how upset and stressed I was. I had to explain why it was important for him to do it by a certain date and that I wanted him to do right there and then in front of me. lol. Honestly many times, I've just taken his phone and texted his friends to get what I needed.
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VIP September 2019 Ontario
Becky · On March 31, 2018 at 22:17
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That is very frustrating! My fh isn’t overly into it and I do all the planning but I love it. I have had a few times we’re just ask a few things and like u mentioned doesn’t happen and can be simple things. Hopefully he comes around! Just keep letting him know ur feelings
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Expert August 2018 Ontario
Jocelyn · On March 31, 2018 at 21:57
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That sucks!!
mine has been helping me wherever possible- the menu & cost, and having friends who are helping us as well. i've also expressed my desire to have a certain passage read (if you've seen a Walk to Remember, it' be familiar to you)...and lucky for me, he's agreed to this.
i think you're better off completing this on your own- it saves time & hassle. if he wont help you with this, how do you expect him to help down the road (or is this merely a show of the "i don't care...do what u want" attititude?)
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VIP June 2019 Ontario
Holly · On March 31, 2018 at 19:31
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That's very frustrating and I'd be extremely upset, especially if it's something that happens a lot. Honestly if he does have the habit of not doing things then you're probably best to just go and donor your self, even though it's just one more thing to do. Maybe bring up that if this is how he is how can you rely on him as a husband. Usually when you put things into hard perspective it will hit them a little more. Especially if you show and express how disappointed in him you are. I'm sorry you're deal with this, I hope you get get it sorted. No one wants to go into a marriage with that thought. Goodluck!!
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