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Gina
Super April 2019 Alberta

Decided to Elope!

Gina, on June 12, 2018 at 15:38

Posted in Plan a wedding 63

Strictly for venting post. Haha. For the past couple months, we have been planning our wedding. We’ve put deposits on Venue, Photographer, DJ and photo booth and already booked the officiant as well as my hair stylist/Mua. And to be completely honest, this is not as amazing as I thought it would be....
Strictly for venting post. Haha. For the past couple months, we have been planning our wedding. We’ve put deposits on Venue, Photographer, DJ and photo booth and already booked the officiant as well as my hair stylist/Mua. And to be completely honest, this is not as amazing as I thought it would be. Family has stressed me out beyond belief. So many decisions I was pushed into in order to make others happy. It stopped feeling like we were doing this us, and it felt like we were doing it for everyone else. We are paying for our entire wedding, and I looked at my FH and said “ At least $32,000 of our money will be going towards a day that I’m stressed about having” I do things out of obligation to make others happy. I’m a people pleaser by nature. And why does everyone have opinions about everything?!?!? I don’t even want to go dress shopping with other people. I feel like the joy has been taken out of the whole process... we have been together for 9 years, and we both are so excited to be married. Sooooooo we have decided to cancel it all! We are going to kananaskis next year (March Or April) and we are getting married on a Thursday!! We will have the ceremony outdoors at the mountains, and rent out a private dinner room to have dinner and drinks. We will stay at the hotel for 5 nights, and let people know that anyone can come if they want to celebrate with us, but I’m not doing any of the normal wedding stuff. Let me tell you, I feel amazing about it! I have actually slept the past couple nights since deciding. My anxiety about the wedding and family is completely gone. We are not going to have a wedding party. Our photographer will come as they do elope weddings in the Rocky Mountains, so she will change the contract (awesome)
people, do not let others push you into choices you wouldn’t have made on your own. It’s your day, don’t even ask for other people’s opinions. And most importantly, choose your wedding party wisely haha.
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63 Comments

  • Erin
    Master September 2017 Ontario
    Erin ·
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    AMEN sister!!! I am so glad that you have decided to do what makes you happy!!! Smiley smile All the best to you guys!!

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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    This is AMAZING! I'm glad you have decided to do what's best for you and your FH.

    I'm also a people pleaser but with the wedding, I've put my foot down on a lot of stuff! I also try to not spill lots of details so people will only know about things when they get to the wedding. My FH came from a household with divorces and evil stepmothers and for the longest time he didn't want to get married/have kids. When his sister had her first kid, he changed his mind and wanted that stuff. With that decision, he wants the wedding with family and friends who matter to us, same with me. I've always dreamed about having a larger wedding.

    His 30th birthday is a month before our wedding on a Monday so the weekend before, I want to surprise him with a "we-cation" where it's just us somewhere close to home for two days. Give us a chance to un-plug and un-wind from the wedding.

    In the end, it's about you and your FH and your continued commitment to each other (and kids!)

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  • Tatiana
    Expert April 2018 Ontario
    Tatiana ·
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    Congrats on your decision, at some point before we got married i looked at a destination wedding since that was my idea, but because some family memebers couldn't travel (health issues) we did it here. But we did things our way and were a united front when family had very strong opinions.

    I still plan to do a renewal by the beach in the future lol

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  • Maya
    Expert January 2019 Alberta
    Maya ·
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    Yeah, they have always done it and I don’t understand why. When we first started dating they joked that if we didn’t work out that they would be keeping me. I came into their lives during a time of loss as his grandmother was sick and past away a month into dating. His family was so close then and his one cousin was killed in Afghanistan 9 years ago and they always get together on his birthday and the day he past, but it seems that they aren’t as close anymore, or that my disputes with that one cousin has caused a falling out for us. We were planning an engagement party and his sister calls and asks about setting up a family gathering which is really a birthday party for her. We had planned to do our engagement party on August 18th the same week as that family gathering and then it was like it’s hard enough to get people together for one weekend in the summer let alone 2 in a row. So now I’m leaving it up to him to deal with his family for inviting them and if they don’t show it’s no bother to me. I know I say that and don’t really mean it because it does bother me, but if they miss out then it’s their loss.

    I admire you for knowing and doing what you want. I’ve got to start being more like that, I know what I want, but I’m usually a big people pleaser and I hate conflict that I don’t normally stick to my guns. I hope you have an amazing wedding and I’ll be excited to see pictures Smiley smile I would love to get away right now.
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  • Gina
    Super April 2019 Alberta
    Gina ·
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    That’s terrible, I’m glad you stood up for him! i feel the same way about people not talking to me anymore. I think people were really bothered by the fact that I knew what I wanted. But it’s hard for me to stand up for myself because I was trying to make everyone happy. I don’t know if I had the guts to change my wedding, or if I didn’t have the guts to stick it out with a big one haha
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  • Gina
    Super April 2019 Alberta
    Gina ·
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    I think it’s amazing that you’re having the wedding of your dreams! That’s what it is about! And that’s exactly how it should be. I haven’t been planning my wedding my whole life. When we first got engaged, I suggested a wedding in the mountains. We priced it out but it was way to expensive (we had to commit to book 30 rooms!) now that it’s an elopement, it will cost half of what our current wedding would be, and we get 5 days away haha. I think that’s why I’m taking this so well. Lol. I will definitely post pictures! I can’t wait to see your pictures!!!! Your wedding is going to be incredible.
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  • Gina
    Super April 2019 Alberta
    Gina ·
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    Exactly! I wasn’t sleeping at all! To an unhealthy degree. Thank you so much! I wish you the best over the next 10 months. Your wedding will be amazing and will totally be worth it!
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  • Andie
    Expert May 2019 Ontario
    Andie ·
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    Good for you! I hope you don’t have anymore stress now that you’re doing what makes you guys happy!
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  • Maya
    Expert January 2019 Alberta
    Maya ·
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    I wish I could do this, I’m getting more stressed out about my fiancé’s family and in the beginning they wanted everything at his one aunts house and now it’s like none of them talk to me or us anymore. I kind of had a falling out with one of his cousins when she was being very mean to my fiancé although she said she was only joking. I just feel if a joke makes someone feel like sh*t why bother with it. This same cousin is due about a month before our wedding and I know his family is going to be so occupied with the baby.

    Congratz on doing what makes you happy Smiley smile I wish I had the guts to do the same.
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  • M
    Devoted August 2018 Ontario
    Megis ·
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    Congrats! I'm glad you found what makes you happy and not others. Spend on yourself and your significant other. Smiley laugh
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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    I'm glad you were able to make a big decision to change your wedding vision and go with your gut!

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  • Brittany
    British Columbia
    Brittany ·
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    Congratulations! Seriously, you're so right, it's your guys' day, if you're not the happiest people in the room, something's gone horribly wrong.

    I need the wedding, I have been dreaming about it forever... but I realized reeeeally quick into planning that when someone asked "why" and tried to push back, it's "cus I waaaaant it thaaaat way!" (sorry, cheesy 90's moment) I'm done justifying my decisions, and I'm done feeling bad for sounding bitchy because my reasoning is "because I said so".

    Please still post pictures! It sounds like it's going to be beautiful!!!

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  • Carmela
    Devoted April 2019 Ontario
    Carmela ·
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    AHH-MAZZ-ING! I’m so proud of you for sticking up for yourselves! You hit every nail on the head in your blog! It’s becoming so overwelming, that I’ve already had 4 nightmares about it and I have another 10 months to go. You mention one great point and that’s not to get ANYONES opinion. I’m exactly like you.. a people pleaser and it’s so stressful that it has made me sick. I’m so proud of you!!! You definitely stood up for what you wanted and I wish you guys all the best!
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  • Gina
    Super April 2019 Alberta
    Gina ·
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    It’s so true that weddings bring out the worst in some people! I have never said anything negative about anyone’s wedding, or shot down their ideas! It’s unbelievable how some people make you feel.
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  • Clarissa
    Expert October 2018 Saskatchewan
    Clarissa ·
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    That is so amazing. And I'm glade you both found a solution that was right for you. It baffles me that people get so ademant about how you have to behave and what you have to do on your own wedding day. Cant they just butt out and let you be you on this day and have that be enough?

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  • Gina
    Super April 2019 Alberta
    Gina ·
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    Haha, that’s so sweet!!! I love that he was so excited!
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  • Helen
    Frequent user September 2018 British Columbia
    Helen ·
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    Nope! my day my way. Or his way. Same same. When we got engaged one of the first things he said to me was "oh my God I'm so happy, it's been so long since the family had a big wedding!" I think my jaw dropped to the floor and at that point I realized I was totally done for. He is the baby by far so it's been 20yrs since his last family wedding, and here I am 40+ thinking "I'm way too old for this crap, let's save and retire early" and he's a giddy teenager. Hopefully he'll keep me young well into my 60s lol.
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  • Gina
    Super April 2019 Alberta
    Gina ·
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    I’m so glad your FH takes your side! That’s so important! My FH wants to move away to get away from family, so I think you have it right! Haha. We agreed from the very beginning that our honeymoon was more important because we’ve never been anywhere alone (we always go with the kids) so we aren’t compromising on that, and at least it’s more money we can put towards it. Lol
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  • Gina
    Super April 2019 Alberta
    Gina ·
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    Thank you! It was my dream to have a mountain wedding too. At first he said no, because of the cost (we were going to do a full blown wedding there). But I think that now that he sees all the crap the family is causing, he’s excited to do it. It’s great your FH cares about your wedding and wants to celebrate with everyone! Your day will be amazing and I’m so glad you’re not going to let others opinions get in your way!
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  • Holly
    VIP June 2019 Ontario
    Holly ·
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    I totally understand you, my parents got divorced when I was 16 that's also when I learned they haven't truely loved each other for about 10 years.. and my mother side of the family is the same, both her sister and brother are divorced and mt grandparents haven't but they live together because they don't believe in divorce..so for the longest time I never thought love was "real" until I met my fiance.
    And yeah I'm already standing my ground with the baby, once again it's mostly his side.. so they get all mad and complain to him and he ignores them because he agrees with me lol fun stuff.. but we live in BC and they all live in Ontario! So it's a little easier that way lol

    I'm glad you're getting the wedding you want and not spending all your money on an extravagant wedding you may regret at the end. We are also total opposite of extravagant..we are get married in a barn with about 70 close friends and family. The perfect wedding for us! And it's a budget wedding so it's even better lol
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  • Gina
    Super April 2019 Alberta
    Gina ·
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    Good for you for standing your ground and telling them where to go! I proud of you for doing it, and trust me, you’ll need to keep that up when the baby comes!!! It’s funny because I’ve actually always wanted to elope! FH wanted a big wedding. Either way was good with me though. I come from a long line of divorced people, and marriage has always scared me (until I dated my FH) I have seen all my Aunts and Uncles have extravagant weddings, and all of them have been divorced. I’m FHs family, no one is divorced! (Except for my FH) haha.. our friends won’t care at all! I’m sure some will even come out for the weekend. But when it comes to family, they can kiss my..... their the ones who drove me to it in the first place. Haha
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  • Helen
    Frequent user September 2018 British Columbia
    Helen ·
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    Omg I am soo jealous, and proud of you! I've wanted to elope in the mountains ever since I was a little girl but my fiance is dead set on having a wedding so I have compromised. It's what he wants so we are not compromising for other people, so I can live with it. I tried to convince him many times but he's just not budging so I'm going to let him have his groomzilla day and everything will be fine. Your day is going to be so amazing congratulations!
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  • Holly
    VIP June 2019 Ontario
    Holly ·
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    I noticed when we first started to plan that everyone thought they knew what our wedding should be like, and they disagreed with what we wanted (mostly his side). One day I just was done...stopped answering questions about the wedding, refused all offers to assist and told them if they don't like it then I'll cross them off the guest list. Finally they shut up and let us be, but let me tell you I was so close to eloping! I thought that was what I truely wanted, but it really wasn't and my amazing fiance helped me realize that. For others, like you, eloping is the perfect choice! Your choice! And I'm so happy for you that you're able to do that, your planning sounds amazing and obviously something that makes you and your FH happy, which is the most important thing!
    Hopefully your friends and family can put aside their opinions and just deal with the situation you've made and choose to love and support you, regardless of how they feel about it.
    My future in-laws have finally moved on from causing wedding annoyances and are now focusing on annoying me about my pregnancy and the baby (luckily not in a overcontrolling mean way just a way too involved and clingy way) ..wish me luck lol
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  • Gina
    Super April 2019 Alberta
    Gina ·
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    Thank you Keri! I think sometimes it can be so easy to get lost in the idea of a wedding, and really lose focus on why we are doing it in the first place. At the end of the day, it’s about the two people who have decided to spend their lives together. We love the mountains so much, so we are thrilled to changes things and do it this way!
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  • K
    Frequent user August 2022 Ontario
    Keri ·
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    AMAZING!! What a fantastic thing to decide on and bring back to you and what you both really want! Really happy to read something so real and inspiring as this. Thank you for sharing and congrats galore, it sounds dreamy! Smiley love (I've been wondering about similar things too with ours, so it's great to hear more stories like yours)

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  • Gina
    Super April 2019 Alberta
    Gina ·
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    Thanks Jessica! It definitely feels like the right thing to do!
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  • Gina
    Super April 2019 Alberta
    Gina ·
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    People definitely don’t get it!!! There were so many factors that compiled, then this weekend more drama occurred and that’s when we pulled the plug on this whole thing! We are laid back and try and keep the peace, so it’s hard to deal with crap that you shouldn’t be involved with in the first place. Lol. You should definitely have a big wedding if you want one!!! I love big weddings. This will be my FH second wedding, and we are mid 30’s with 4 kids! I really wanted the wedding to be about the 6 of us, and that’s not what ended up happening at all. Haha.
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  • Jessica
    Super March 2018 Ontario
    Jessica ·
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    That's fantastic to hear! It sounds like you've made the best choice for you and your fiance, and that totally rocks! Marriage is about love and weddings should be about celebrating it in the way you want. Have an amazing day with the both of you remembering why you chose to get married!

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  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·
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    You go girl! Proud that you stood up! People don't understand how hard and time consuming wedding planning really is. They aren't the ones calling the vendors for quotes and contracts, and then budgeting all of this! It's expensive and time consuming. If I didn't want the big 250 people wedding I would be right with you doing a small "elopement" wedding just because it would take 1/2 the stress of my life away.

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  • Peggy
    Super May 2019 Alberta
    Peggy ·
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    That's fantastic - do what makes you happy!

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  • Sara
    Devoted October 2018 Ontario
    Sara ·
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    YOU GO GIRL!

    That is the most refreshing post I have read in a while. I completely and totally agree with you, it's YOUR wedding you do what YOU (both) want and ignore everyone else.

    I think what you're doing is amazing, weddings can be such stressful times and they often bring out the worst in people, you shouldn't have to listen to others or please others for your day. Some one once told me that you are required to be selfish on your wedding day, because everyone will always want to do what they didn't for their or want to have what they didn't have for theirs and they will project it onto you - which is not the idea of the wedding at all.

    Your wedding should be about your FH and you celebrating your legal union, that's it - especially if you've been together for so long, at this point your wedding is just signing a piece of paper since you've clearly already made the commitment to be together.

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