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Maya
Expert January 2019 Alberta

Coworker invites dilemma

Maya, on September 8, 2018 at 06:28 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 21
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I am feeling a little bad as I’m addressing my invites and I would like to know what others have done about coworker invites.

So I work in a daycare with 15 other team members. I am not friends or that close with all of them. There are 3 that I feel closer to than the rest and there are a few I really dislike. I kind of feel like I’m discluding people by not inviting them, but for one we can’t afford to invite everyone and two I am not that close with the rest. Is it okay for me to invite those few to the reception and then just give everyone else a ceremony invite. I know my boss wants to come to the ceremony and I would just do that for all the rest of the coworkers so as no one feels totally left out.

21 Comments

Latest activity by Kaisha, on September 15, 2018 at 21:09
  • Kaisha
    Super March 2019 Nova Scotia
    Kaisha ·
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    I will only be inviting the people in my department (approx. 18) I will have worked there just barely a year when I get married but I am fairly close to a lot of them. They will all only be invited to the dance though as I don't have space to invite them to the rest.

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  • Maya
    Expert January 2019 Alberta
    Maya ·
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    No I don’t hang with them outside of work, but I can truly tell they care about me especially when I went through my miscarriage. Also I know that one day they will look after my future kids as I work in a daycare.
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  • Julia
    Frequent user August 2019 Alberta
    Julia ·
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    Unfortunately I’m at my max just with family and close friends...before I even get to my co workers. I plan on inviting the ones I am closer with to join us for the dance Smiley smile
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  • Sara
    Frequent user January 2021 Alberta
    Sara ·
    • Dispute

    When it comes to inviting coworkers, I'd say it's 100% A-OK to invite just a couple and not invite the rest. What isn't OK is to invite most but only exclude a couple.

    Main question though should be if you really are that close with the three you want to invite. Do you hang out outside of work? Do you think you'd still be friends 5 years down the road if you no longer work together? I personally am not inviting any coworkers because even the ones I am closest with I only hang out with once in a while outside of work.

    I'm confused about your question about inviting to the ceremony or reception. Are you suggesting you will invite the rest of them to go to the ceremony but NOT the reception? Or you will invite them to the reception but not the ceremony? In some circles, evening-only guests are totally normal and if you think they would want to come and you can afford to host them at the reception, go ahead. But I wouldn't invite them to the ceremony but exclude them from the reception - that's rude. The reception is a thank you to your guests for coming.

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  • Jennifer
    Super July 2019 Ontario
    Jennifer ·
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    Invite the 3 you are close with. and don't invite the rest. no biggie. but I wouldn't extend the ceremony invite to them either. I personally would feel 2nd rate if I was only invited to the ceremony.

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  • Brittany
    British Columbia
    Brittany ·
    • Dispute

    I work with several of my family members, plus 4 of my coworkers are invited (through being my friend or my fiance's friends, as he used to work with me)... However I can not let myself feel bad for the "B-list" coworkers who probably think they are good enough friends... but aren't close enough to be invited to my wedding.

    I would say just invite the 3 you're close with, and ask them to try not to bring up the wedding too much at work. Then just don't advertise it. No one should be invited to a wedding out of guilt... It's 100% up to you, and you shouldn't feel bad about it. Also people "wanting to be there" and more or less imposing themselves, still doesn't mean you need to invite them.

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  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·
    • Dispute

    I think that as long as you have received interest in people coming for just the ceremony and perhaps the dance portion of the reception then go for it. For me I will only be inviting the friends from my work (4) and their plus ones - although I hang out with them outside of work too.

    As for the boss and others (like 90 people in my office), I won't be extending any invite. Of course my ceremony should only last about 15 minutes at most Smiley tongue

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  • Stephanie
    Master July 2018 Alberta
    Stephanie ·
    • Dispute

    15 people is a large enough group that if you are inviting 3 people no one should feel excluded, because the majority are not invited. I only invited 2 co-workers (and only 1 of the three other people in my department). If you don't see them outside work, you don't have to invite them.

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  • Janis
    Curious June 2019 Ontario
    Janis ·
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    Do exactly what you want with having the three close coworkers. At the end of the day, this is a celebration for you. You don’t have to feel obligated on excluding the rest. I think today, most well rounded people understand wedding etiquette and how it costs money for the bride and groom.
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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    I would just invite the coworkers you are close with. I think the ceremony invite is ok too, even though some might want to come to the reception. You could just invite them to the ceremony, and drinks/dancing after dinner. That way, you're not spending $$ on a plate you don't want to.

    I work in a very small office where there are 3 of us, so I'm inviting the 2 and giving them plus-ones (they both have SO's).

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  • Maya
    Expert January 2019 Alberta
    Maya ·
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    I’m not giving many of my coworkers plus ones that I’ve invited to the wedding. One is my bridesmaid so she will have a plus one and the other I met his fiancé, but the rest aren’t getting plus ones. I can’t really mention that as there are a few that I have already decided to invite as they are truly close to me. When I went through my miscarriage last year I could tell the people that were caring for me and thinking of me.
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  • Stephanie
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Stephanie ·
    • Dispute
    A ceremony invite is fine! If you mention your FH and yourself decided no coworkers to the reception due to number limits they should respect that! In in the same boat theres a few coworkers I would like to invite but I feel like if I did one or 2 I could have to do everyone (7) and then plus ones and it's just too much...
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  • Maya
    Expert January 2019 Alberta
    Maya ·
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    Problem is my director is expecting an invite to the ceremony. If they were to try to stay for the reception I would have them escorted out.
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  • Melissa
    Frequent user September 2018 Quebec
    Melissa ·
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    I would opt not to invite those you aren’t close with or dislike. If you give them a ceremony invite, and they learn of the reception that day, they may just show up or be upset.

    I gave invites to those coworkers I was really close to and I mailed them (don’t give them out at work).

    Dont feel bad bad at all. Weddings are expensive and it’s okay to want your nearest and dearest.
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  • Gina
    Super April 2019 Alberta
    Gina ·
    • Dispute
    If you are close with a few of coworkers, you should totally invite them without guilt. Many of our friendships come from co-workers, so there is nothing wrong with inviting only the ones you are close with! My FH invited about 8 coworkers, and their spouse. There are a few I haven’t met, and some of them we hang out with on a regular basis. There’s a bunch of co workers he didn’t invite, which is totally fine! I didn’t invite any co workers, because I work alone haha. You could always mention to other co workers that you didn’t have room to invite everyone and you apologize, but there is more then enough room at the ceremony if they would like. Although it’s tough to navigate, I think most people understand that you can’t invite everyone
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  • Maya
    Expert January 2019 Alberta
    Maya ·
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    Well then I will have drama lol. Not going to pay 70 dollars for a people I dislike and who are rude to me to come and eat at my wedding.
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  • Sandy
    Newbie September 2019 Ontario
    Sandy ·
    • Dispute
    I am very close to most of my co-workers but not all. I am still inviting them all but I have mentioned to them that there is no plus one allowed and it is just them individually invited. I have invited them all to avoid drama. I have about 13 co workers that will be coming. It's completely up to you though, I at first wasn't going to invite them because our original venue could only hold a certain amount of guests but our venue now allows us as many as we want and I would love to have my co-workers be apart of my big day. I personal think either you invite them all and they decide whether to come or not or don't invite any at all either way there will always be drama, do what makes you happy.
    Good luck! 😁
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  • Maya
    Expert January 2019 Alberta
    Maya ·
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    Well certain people have asked for an invite to the ceremony that’s why I’ll be doing that for coworkers. I have other friends who have asked to just come for ceremony and dessert and dance. Some even say those are the best weddings they have been to are the ones they don’t go for dinner.
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  • M
    Newbie October 2020 Ontario
    Melissa ·
    • Dispute
    I would just invite the people you like. As long as you aren’t excluding just one or two people. If people are mad about it then oh well? It’s your wedding and you invite who ever you want! And as for inviting people to just the ceremony, I wouldn’t do that? Because who just wants to get all dressed up for the ceremony, we all know people actually go to weddings for the food and drinks at the reception! Lol! Good luck girl! I work in a department with about 20 people who are all in the same department but all do different jobs and I’m only inviting the people I work the closest with, which would be 5 people. I still talk to everyone else everyday and it’s not that I dislike them. It’s just I’m closer with the other 5 people and I actually WANT them at my wedding!
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  • Maya
    Expert January 2019 Alberta
    Maya ·
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    I already knew I was inviting some I was really close with because I know they truly care about me. I mean I would give them the invite quietly so no one else noticed, also none of the others should be surprised as they are either not close to me and some are down right rude.
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  • Monica
    Devoted June 2019 Ontario
    Monica ·
    • Dispute
    Omg totally in the same boat as you! I can’t decide whether to invite my colleagues or not... some days I think yes, I’ll invite and some days I think it’s better to not invite them.

    In the end - I think I’m not going to invite anyone from work at all, to alleviate any drama that may ensue and just bluntly let everyone know that it was for close family and friends only. No colleagues from work..
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