Church debate

View quoted message Oh wow! I didnt even think that was possible but thank you so much for reaching out and letting me know. We haven't booked our officiant yet, so we will definitely give him a call and see. Hopefully he can help us.

Thanks Daniela! And good luck with your planning

Hi Ali! I know im super late to the post and not sure if you have found a solution (hoping you did!) if not, I also had this situation and came across dream wedding officiants. Ray, the owner is somehow recognized by the church to perform ceremonies outside the church with the consent of the priest from your church. I dont recall his explanation as to how it fully works but I think he offers a great compromise! It doesnt hurt to give them a call and get him to explain in detail hopefully thats a happy medium for both of you and families! Www.dreamweddingofficiants.com and its Ray (he was also very nice!). Good luck

My fiancé and I are not religious, and we did hire an officiant for our wedding. Basically, the lady that is doing ours will do whatever we want. So i suppose if you find the right person, they could incorporate some religious components, and really whatever you and your fiancé choose

You all have given us some good points for discussion and food for thought. Thank you for taking the time to understand our situation and offer your advice. I think we have some difficult conversations to be had in the upcoming months.

Maybe a compromise would be to have a protestant minister marry you instead? That way it would still be a religious ceremony, and more of them are willing to have the ceremony anywhere. It's what's included in the ceremony that makes it religious, not where the ceremony takes place. And that way, the ceremony would be shorter (I've heard Catholic ceremonies can be an hour long).

I think you would have to have pre-marital counselling, as most churches have that as a requirement, but I think it's great: we didn't have any issues in our relationship and were able to talk about a lot of things that we hadn't thought about (and that most couples don't).

If that isn't an option for you, have your fiance talk to his parents and explain your side. Every parent wants their child to follow in their religious footsteps, but eventually, they will come around. At least every person I've talked to who hasn't followed their parents religion: the parents are upset at first but do eventually realize it's not their decision to make for their child.

I think your fiance needs to have a sit down talk with his parents, and ask them blatantly: will it really be a deal breaker for them not to get married in the church? They may realize that if it really came to a breaking point, they could relinquish the idea of him getting married in the church.

Also, aren't you not allowed to get married in the Catholic church unless you've done the pre-wedding courses/ been baptized, etc? I have no idea... but for some reason that sounds like something I've heard.

I hope it works out for you! If his parents were open before, they may just be going through their own phase of grief/upset that they are coming to the realization it's really not going to be in church. Hopefully it will pass and they can support you guys!

Thank you for your replies. I really appreciate the honesty. For context, my fiance and I are already living together as it made sense financially and he is not currently practicing. Having the Catholic ceremony would be to solely appease his parents as I fear without it, there would be a tear in the family relationship. This is hard, and I get that there's no right or wrong answer for what to do.

I see both sides of the story and the only suggestion is to conpromise having the wedding at the church if your FH is wanting that option and for his parents. FH has a choice and can tell his parents otherwise that he prefers not to choose the conpromise.

The reception held at the hall is fine as its set. This is something you two need to discuss and his parents point of view to consider.

If your FH is practicing in any capacity, you should get married in the church. Think of it this way. Getting married in the church prepares you for the ups and downs of marriage (mandatory marriage prep which is honestly, not very religious and pretty fun), making you more prepared for life together. Without this, it's more about the day and less about the lifetime together.

You should focus more on the life after then the day of, and you have to understand that even though you're not Catholic, he is. Even if he doesn't practice. And yeah, you can absolutely not have a priest perform a marriage mass outside of a church.

For most of our relationship, my FH was Catholic and I was not, so I kind of in understand where you're coming from. I was only baptized last year, and I cannot imagine not getting married in the church now. It's more about the ceremony itself and the sacredness of it, than the place it is performed.

I hoped this helped and didn't feel too preachy

I know that The Catholic Church doesn’t marry outside of the actual church. It is a religious ceremony that is to be held in the church and nowhere else. They also won’t marry anyone on a Sunday.
They are quite strict on it. My aunt and uncle were going to get married in our church but my uncle, who thought he was baptized, had to go through a long process before getting married in the church. -long story short- they went to Vegas instead.

Do what YOU both want. His parents will understand