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Frequent user June 2019 Ontario

Bridesmaid choices

Amanda, on February 11, 2018 at 11:16 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 6

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So I am trying to narrow down a choice for bm. I have my sister n law to be or my sons god mother.... here’s some back story. So my sister n law to be (fiancé sister) didn’t ask me to be a part of her wedding I was a little shocked and surprised by that but asked me to be involved in picking out dresses etc she wanted to treat me as a bm just in case they needed a another. So now I think well she didn’t ask me why should I ask her is that fair that she be a part of my day when I wasn’t a part of hers ? Then there is my youngest sons god mother, she’s also married to my fiancé best friend I have known her for 4 years and obviously value and love her enough to trust my kids with her as a god mother. But lately she hasn’t been present, haven’t been around to do family things with , when asked she’s always busy with other things but hubby is always available. I just feel that if I don’t ask her she may get offended but I feel she needs to be a little more present in our lives etc! What would you do about the whole situation? Opinons and suggestions welcomed.

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6 Comments

Latest activity by Amanda, on February 12, 2018 at 10:07

Frequent user June 2019 Ontario
Amanda · On February 12, 2018 at 10:07
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Thanks everyone for the advice
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Master September 2017 Ontario
Erin · On February 12, 2018 at 09:22
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I think you need to consider the person that means the most to you and that you would like to stand up there with you. Choosing a BM should not be a "tit for tat" situation; just because someone did or didn't ask you should have nothing to do with your decision. Both of my BMs lived far away and I didn't need them for any of the planning. Yes it would have been nice to have the afternoon of shopping for dresses but that's about all I really missed.
If you feel like your friends is always "too busy" for you recently then you should talk to her.
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Master July 2018 Alberta
Stephanie · On February 12, 2018 at 01:51
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I think it depends what you expect them to do. If you want them to help out with decisions, go to menu tastings, help with diy projects, go as a group dress shopping, then someone who is local is better. But, if you're okay with having someone who will just be there the day of (or a few days before) then it's okay to ask the one who lives further away.
It sounds like they will both be in your life for a very long time, so either one is a good option. Personally, I would choose your fiancé's sister, because it's nice to be able to have your family involved in your wedding.
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Super July 2018 Ontario
Courtney · On February 11, 2018 at 16:38
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Honestly - my bridesmaids have not been needed for the majority of my planning, so having a bridesmaid who is quite busy, should not impact you too much.
So far I've just needed my Bridesmaids to be available for my engagement party, and to go dress shopping. They've been there for a phone call or a text message when I need to vent or be excited about something, but I appreciate they are all really busy people!

You should think about who is most important to have with you that morning, to see in your pictures and who is sitting with you at your head table. Don't think of it as a reward for being around, or an item to take away since they didn't ask you to be in theirs.
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Frequent user June 2019 Ontario
Amanda · On February 11, 2018 at 11:34
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Thanks for your input. I have checked in with her as we just seen them yesterday. I could ask both but I want to make even numbers. I am not thinking of it as a prize but more who’s going to be fully committed to us and the planning process.
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Beginner July 2018 Ontario
Jaln · On February 11, 2018 at 11:30
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My suggestion would be to stop thinking of it as a prize to be given out and consider who you WANT to stand up with you. Who means a lot to you, who you're going to enjoy seeing in the pictures 10, 20 years from now, who plays the bigger role in your life and future? Everyone gets busy sometimes - have you checked in with your friend and asked if she's doing okay?
Of course, you could also ask both of them, if that would be easier!
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