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VIP May 2019 Ontario

Being too emotional?

Candace, on March 5, 2018 at 00:08 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 19

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So my fiancé and I have a friend who is getting married a couple of months after us. We got engaged last March and she has been helping me with all my planning until she got engaged 3 weeks ago. Initially she said they were going to have a ceremony at city hall and a small reception afterwards and skip almost all the traditional stuff. Now every time I talk to her she says they changed stuff and each change makes it more like my wedding. She has also rushed into all her planning and already went dress shopping. While dress shopping she tried on the dress that I want and sent me a picture of her in it and kept telling me how fun the experience was and that I would have so much fun when I go shopping next month.
All of this has me upset because I spent the past year researching and planning wedding stuff and it feels like she has come in and stolen my thunder and now I've lost interest in doing my wedding stuff because of her changing her wedding plans to make it more like mine.. am I over reacting like my fiancé says? Anyone else have something like this happen and upset them?

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Latest activity by Stephanie, on May 29, 2018 at 15:35

VIP May 2019 Ontario
Stephanie · On May 29, 2018 at 15:35
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Oh I would 100% feel the same... ESPECIALLY the dress!
Did you tell her that was a dress you had wanted to try previously? She may have just tried it on to show you to build your excitement? I'm guessing she didn't say yes to it...
I can easily see how that would be very frustrating. But I honestly don't think you need to stress or worry about it! I've seen many topics here about comparing your wedding to someone else or someone else comparing yours to another it will always happen! Focus on your day and your wedding and don't worry about hers!
Plus yours will be first so if she copies everything then she'll look bad haha!
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VIP May 2019 Ontario
Candace · On May 24, 2018 at 10:24
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Thanks, I'm glad that someone understands!
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Beginner October 2019 Ontario
Emma · On May 23, 2018 at 15:13
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I would feel that way too! Especially if its the same dress, venue theme etc etc. I know in my social scenario my fiancé are the first on both sides ( in laws and my family) of our generation to get married so stealing thunder isnt even on the radar. You should talk to her. It almost is like shes trying to prove something by jumping the gun. Sorry to satisfy your paranoia. I just identify with your feelings.
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Super July 2018 Alberta
Bethany · On March 9, 2018 at 00:22
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I have a bridesmaid who is doing the same thing, except it is practically one week before. In some ways you feel like you just want to get it done and over with, I totally understand. Just remember though, you get to marry your best friend at the end of the day! That's how I have dealt with mine 😊
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VIP May 2019 Ontario
Candace · On March 8, 2018 at 22:32
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I'm only upset because she is taking my ideas, I worked hard to plan my wedding and all the little details and she is taking the ideas. If she was having her own ideas then it would be great to plan our weddings and everything together but unfortunately that's not how it is
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Curious July 2020 New Brunswick
Jessica · On March 8, 2018 at 21:28
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For my opinion you dont overreacted if one of my friend did that to me i think i dont take it at all...its a lot of time finding the right thing for a wedding and its just happen once so i think its very not ok from her to stole your idea and most of all how can she try the same dress!!!! Its time for you to tell her that its not ok with you 😊
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Expert July 2018 Alberta
Marina · On March 8, 2018 at 20:44
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Honestly, with all due respect I think you are overreacting.

I wish i has had a friend that was getting married the same period as me, then we would be able to talk about everything and plan together and help one another!

After all, don’t forget the only thing that should matter: you are getting married to the person you love. It’s not about the questions or the interest of your environment. It is not a sprint and certainly not a competition. It is just a celebration of love!
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Master July 2018 Alberta
Stephanie · On March 6, 2018 at 19:32
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I had a friend who got engaged a few months after me and is getting married two weeks after me. So, since her engagement is only 6 months, she has had to do a lot of quick planning, whereas I had most of my big things done by the time she got engaged. I just looked at it as a great person to talk to about the planning process (although I didn’t give too many specifics) and about some of the nerves or anxiety that arose. I also suggested we share some wedding items (although our weddings are completely different so we won’t have much to share).
If you think it’s getting to be too emotional for you, maybe you should suggest to not talk about your weddings together. Just let her know you want to keep some things a surprise and want to be surprised by some things at her wedding.
Is it annoying that she got engaged and is getting married so close to you? Yes, I felt annoyed too. But, it’s not the end of the world. And, once it’s all over, it might be kind of nice to have anniversaries close together! My friend and I have both decided (with our fiancé ‘s) when we want to start having children, and we both want to wait 2 years, which means we will likely have children the same age, which is exciting to think about!
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VIP May 2019 Ontario
Candace · On March 5, 2018 at 18:26
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That is another thing that has me so upset, because she is planning so fast, whenever we hangout people ask about her wedding and she always has new stuff to tell them and then they ignore my wedding stuff
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Super July 2018 Ontario
Courtney · On March 5, 2018 at 15:37
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I think having similarities in the weddings, though frustrating, is pretty normal. The trends that are in place now, will often times lead to weddings looking fairly similar. She was also planning right along side you before she got engaged, so I'm sure she was offering up some of the things she liked or preferred that got incorporated into your wedding vision as well!

I think if this is causing tension for you, I would plan separately from this point forward. You can always talk to her too, to express how you're feeling.
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Devoted October 2018 Ontario
Marleau · On March 5, 2018 at 14:46
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Which may be the case but don’t let it bother you, your wedding is 1st so everyone is going to see it before hers so that shouldn’t even matter. For really special things you can always keep them on the dl if you don’t want her to use them but for little things I wouldn’t sweat it.
The plus to your wedding 1st is that when hers rolls around people will know where she got her idea haha
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Master September 2017 Ontario
Erin · On March 5, 2018 at 14:24
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Yes you can totally feel upset about this. It is hard but remember that you are the original. They are your ideas and you are getting married first so if anything it will look like she copied your wedding. Don't let this take the wind out of your sails though! It's your wedding and planning it is super fun and exciting! I think maybe you guys shouldn't plan together anymore though if you think she is going to keep taking your ideas. There will always be similarities in weddings, no matter whose they are. Just remember that you and your FH are reflected in all these small ways in yours that will distinguish your wedding from hers.
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Devoted October 2018 Ontario
Renee · On March 5, 2018 at 13:14
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I have a close family friend who got engaged after me and is getting married before me. Her colours are the same and she even got her dress from the same place as me! I think it's better to remember that with all the wedding trends we see and research we do there will be alot of similarities in weddings of even those closest to us. Unless you're doing something really unique to you, it will be hard for her not to have similar things. Your tensions will be higher as a bride naturally so maybe it's best not to plan together especially to save the friendship!
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VIP June 2018 Ontario
Jen · On March 5, 2018 at 11:38
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Your feelings are definitely valid. You're allowed to be upset about this. I have gone through the same thing. Except I was the one to get engaged 2nd. My friend had asked me to be in her wedding party. I agreed and started to help her plan. A few months later my fiancé proposed and we started planning right away.
My friend and I would share details of our wedding and would get together to do planning. I found that she liked a lot of the details that I had chosen for our wedding and she began taking those and making them her own, including dress colours, styles, and even my decorator. It got to the point that whenever somebody would ask me about my wedding while at work she would step in and cut me off to talk about her wedding instead. It was very frustrating and definitely difficult to feel happy for her.
She started to act jealous and angry towards me and even made a comment about my fiancé and I getting engaged after her and her FH and married before them, in a very snarky way. She then became very demanding about what she expected from me as a bridesmaid, including the need to spend $3000+ on her wedding and upcoming wedding activities. It became all too much so I had to step down as a bridesmaid. We ended up parting ways for a bit but then made up shortly after. We decided to not plan our weddings together as it was causing tension on her side.
Maybe the two of you need to plan separately. Or, better yet, talk to her about how you're feeling. Let her know that you feel as though she's stealing your thunder and that you felt very betrayed when she tried on the dress you wanted, but let her know that you're still happy for her in the same breath. Talk to her like an adult. The only way to resolve anything is to use your words. Good luck.
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VIP May 2019 Ontario
Candace · On March 5, 2018 at 11:27
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The difference is that she isn't talking to me about using some of my ideas, she is just doing it.. and I thought we would plan our weddings together but she is starting with everything that I haven't done yet other than the ideas she is taking :/
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VIP May 2019 Ontario
Candace · On March 5, 2018 at 11:25
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I just feel like anything I plan now she is going to use in her wedding :/
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Frequent user June 2018 Ontario
Catherine · On March 5, 2018 at 09:03
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My friend (and bridesmaid) and I are getting married only one month apart and, to be honest, it’s been great. We went dress shopping together, have shared the task of researching various vendors, and will share a few things for our weddings such as table numbers and Edison lights to split costs. You can’t control how you feel, so if you’re upset then you’re upset, but try to reframe it as a good shared experience. Not everyone wants a long engagement...my fiancé and I are getting married in June, only 6 months after he proposed. I don’t think it’s fair to expect your friend to delay getting married because you’re also getting married the same year . Like the other girls said, at least you go first. Feel what you need to feel about this, but then, if you can’t try to put yourself in her shoes to understand her excitement. It will all work out.
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Devoted October 2018 Ontario
Marleau · On March 5, 2018 at 00:37
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Bianca said that perfectly, don’t let her rushing to do things and like your ideas ruin your wedding vibes. I know it’s hard and I would probably be a little upset to, but take it as a complement that she likes your style. Means your doing an amazing job planning, and dress shopping will be so much fun when you go next month. Just remember like Bianca said, your wedding is 1st.
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Master August 2019 Ontario
Bianca · On March 5, 2018 at 00:29
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I think your feelings are valid. It's definitely going to be an adjustment sharing the limelight with your friend who is probably just so excited to plan her wedding. I think it's nice that she likes a lot of the ideas you've chosen for your own wedding and that she's inspired by it for her own.
Your wedding is going to be first so even if she copies a few ideas, yours will still be first and they will just help your friend enjoy her day more.

Both your weddings are special and should be treated as such! Just look at this as a special oppourtunity to plan together!
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