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VIP June 2019 Ontario

a Little Rant!

Holly, on August 14, 2018 at 16:15 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 25

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Hello ladies, I just have something I really need to vent about. Who better to express my frustrations and concerns than other brides planning their weddings!

So this is a wedding party related situation, the groomsmen. One in particular. We will call him Jay and his fiance Ell. (Fake names are fun 😂).

So Ell and I were talking about weddings, her and Jay just got engaged so I was asking about her wedding planning. The topic of groomsmen suits for my wedding came up and then she asks me, "Are Jay and I just wedding guests? Or is Jay a groomsmen?". This took me by surprise because my FH asked Jay to be a groomsmen a year ago and he happily said yes. Since then they had talked about the wedding, suits, possible bachelor party and other groomsmen related things. So I told her that. She then says, "He says that he didn't get asked so...." I explained to her again, we asked our wedding party pretty much at the same time. We even had a wedding party "date night" which Jay decided not to go to. Then she changes her story and says, "Oh well he hasn't heard anything since, and you moved so he just assumed he wasn't one." This really annoyed me because he's just assuming things now instead of asking and clearing up the situation. We have a Facebook group where all the bridesmaids and groomsmen are on. Including him, when we made it my FH added him, then Jay removed himself so I readded him, then he deleted me off of Facebook. So I told her about the group and she very rudely says, "Well he doesn't even have Facebook..but okay.." Turns out he just recently deleted his account. So I end that with her, tell her it's not my business if he is or isn't a groomsmen.
So now both my FH and I are super irritated with the situation..all the assumption and lack of communication on his part. He was the groomsmen I knew we couldn't rely on so I'm not super surprised that an issue with him came up. If it were my decision he wouldn't be in the wedding party, or even at the wedding to be completed honest. My FH is hopefully going to sort it all out tonight but just the situation just added unnecessary stress!

Sorry, I know that's long but all you ladies always have such supportive comments and suggestions. Just needed to get it out!

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25 Comments

Latest activity by Holly, on August 20, 2018 at 14:07

Frequent user November 2019 Ontario
Holly · On August 20, 2018 at 14:07
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Did you guys end up sorting it out or are there still issues? That's a super crappy situation I'm sorry you have to go through that.
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Frequent user September 2018 British Columbia
Helen · On August 15, 2018 at 17:34
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Its funny I didn't even see that this was the case before I commented #nailedit
That poor guy is in for a world of hurt if she stays that possessive- never heard of a groomsman running away with a bridesmaid when his fiancé is there. Its sad that she was trying to ruin your day with her jealousy and driving a rift between your hubby and him
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Master September 2017 Ontario
Erin · On August 15, 2018 at 15:21
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Sounds like Jay needs to have a chat with Ell and sort out some issues...especially before they walk down the aisle! It sucks that it is added stress for you though.
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VIP June 2019 Ontario
Holly · On August 15, 2018 at 15:00
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It is very silly...but that's her problem and she has to deal with it lol
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VIP June 2019 Ontario
Holly · On August 15, 2018 at 14:58
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Yeah all my bridesmaids are in long-term relationships but it's not like him having a bridesmaid partner means anything more than the minute they walk together.. he doesn't have to marry her 😂 It's super weird!
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VIP June 2019 Ontario
Holly · On August 15, 2018 at 14:55
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She was kind of like this before they got engaged too. Honestly it's just her personality I think. I've known her for a few years but not like super close but what I have learned about her is she is very difficult with things.. hopefully she calls down and gets over it because she needs to!
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VIP June 2019 Ontario
Holly · On August 15, 2018 at 14:54
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Yeah it's super annoying! All the bridesmaids are in long-term relationship, and same with all the other groomsmen.. all their significant others are okay with it because why wouldn't they?!? It's super weird.. like I'd understand her being upset about it if it was like a single ex gf if his or something but it's literally just a stranger to him, he hasn't met any of my girls. It's just a weird and childish situation!
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Frequent user September 2018 Quebec
Melissa · On August 15, 2018 at 14:48
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Agreed, she sounds insecure. What does she think will happen if her fiancé walks down with a bridesmaid? Lmao. That he’ll leave her for the bridesmaid he doesn’t even know because they walked arm in arm down an aisle for one minute? And same - In all weddings I’ve been to and participated in, most of the bridal party and groomsmen didn’t walk down with their significant others. The only married couple walking down at our wedding is FH’s sister and her husband because she’s a bridesmaid and he’s a groomsmen, but everyone else is either married or in long-term relationships and don’t seem to care.
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Frequent user January 2021 Alberta
Sara · On August 15, 2018 at 14:34
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I do not understand where she is coming from at all...
It isn't typical to have both halves of a couple in a wedding party... the vast majority of weddings I have been to, and all three that I have been in, it's been a pretty random assortment of friends/family who are paired up for the walk down the aisle with whoever is closest to their height haha with the exception of the Best Man and MOH being paired together. I have literally never encountered an SO who was upset about not also being in it. That's weird. Ell is weird.
Sorry for your headache. This is so silly!
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Frequent user September 2018 British Columbia
Helen · On August 15, 2018 at 13:57
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Sounds like she may be the problem. This is why I have mostly guy friends. Could she be jealous/protective since she is engaged now?
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Super August 2018 Manitoba
Marcia · On August 15, 2018 at 11:34
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Wow that's pretty annoying! I can't stand people like that, like are you a friend or not? We had a married man in our wedding party be a groomsmen and his wife was totally fine with it. Jay needs to stand up and put his fiance in check, she shouldn't be so insecure she already got the ring, that is definitely selfish of her!! I'm annoyed for you girl!
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Expert January 2019 Alberta
Maya · On August 15, 2018 at 00:12
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I totally understand that situation. My FHs best man is the one who is like your groomsmen. I have met him a total of 2 times in 2 years and each time it was like pulling teeth to get him to agree to meet. Luckily he won’t be doing the best man speach and one of my FHs groomsmen will do it.

It sucks that shes adding that stress on you. I just have a question, is she a bridesmaid or not? I ask because maybe if she is not maybe she is projecting her jealousy of Jay being in the wedding party and not her. Who knows really what goes through peoples head. With my fiancé’s best man I put my foot down and said we needed to meet more before the wedding and if he was choosing to bail then he would no longer be in the wedding party. I work with children and what we learn is about giving them choices and the same goes for adults. It’s not an ultimatum but either Jay you are choose if you want to be in the wedding party or not. If you are not choosing and not perticiparing I will take it to mean that you are choosing to not be in the wedding party. I hope it all gets sorted for you, relax and don’t let the stress get to you.
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Master October 2019 Ontario
Allison · On August 14, 2018 at 21:45
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The commuity's got your back Holly! I like seeing other people rant to remind me I'm not the only one having issues with wedding planning. It's super frustrating that Ell is causing a lot of problems with your one groomsman. However if Jay gets flaky on the wedding/assumes things with out properly communicating, I would not have him in the wedding party. You don't need the added stress!
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Devoted August 2018 Ontario
Megis · On August 14, 2018 at 20:42
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Oh wow. A big part of being a bride is deali g with guests and the drama they bring to your wedding. Just hang in there
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VIP June 2019 Ontario
Holly · On August 14, 2018 at 20:11
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UPDATE!
It's the fiancee! From what has been said between they guys it seems that all fingers point to Ell as being the issue. We have come to the conclusion that she doesn't want Jay to be a groomsmen, for whatever reason and then that was confirmed when Jay asked, "who will be the bridesmaids I'm partnered up with? I'll need to know that.." He definitely doesn't care about who he walks with, definitely just her..
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Master August 2019 Ontario
Bianca · On August 14, 2018 at 19:57
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I was thinking the same thing! It sounds like Ell is trying to instigate something that really is none of her business.
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Frequent user September 2018 Quebec
Melissa · On August 14, 2018 at 18:17
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Agreed completely!
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VIP June 2019 Ontario
Holly · On August 14, 2018 at 17:28
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I was thinking that too, but we are just not close enough for her to be a bridesmaid. She knows I have one less bridesmaids than the groomsmen so maybe she is trying to get in. I don't want her in it so that's he issue. But here is hoping they guys talk and figure out what's going on and why the confusion happened.. at this point it's just a headache that I want sorted ASAP so we can continue planning the groomsmen suits.. wedding planning seems to always have drama hiding somewhere lol
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VIP June 2019 Ontario
Holly · On August 14, 2018 at 17:26
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I definitely think the issue is him not wanting to. If he would have just come straight up and told my fiance that from the beginning we wouldn't have cared. But now it has my FH questioning their friendship and that suck! Both of them are the avoid conflict and not talk about it kind of people, at least with friendships. So I'm really hoping my fiance will just suck it up and talk to him lol or I will and he doesn't want that.
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Frequent user October 2019 Ontario
Sarah · On August 14, 2018 at 17:23
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Maybe it’s her trying to get in on being a bridesmaid? A friend of mine invited his friend to be a groomsman but didn’t know his girlfriend at all and she was really jealous that he would be in a bridal party walking with another girl so the guy didn’t end up being in the bridal party “because it wasn’t fair to his girlfriend that she wasn’t in the bridal party”. I would tell your FH to speak to him and say you were asked to be in the bridal and for some reason your fiancée says you think you weren’t what’s the deal?

Hopefully it sorts itself out. Don’t stress about it.
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VIP November 2019 British Columbia
Alexandra · On August 14, 2018 at 16:54
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Wow some people just really know how to make things difficult. Honestly it sounds like Jay doesn’t really want to do it and is skirting around the subject since he felt the need to delete you after you re added him to the group. Either that or he’s trying to stir up drama. But I don’t think he didn’t know. Especially if he removed himself from the group twice. Hopefully once your fiancé talks to him everything will be smoothed out!
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VIP June 2019 Ontario
Holly · On August 14, 2018 at 16:51
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It's definitely stressful, especially with the wedding in less than a year. I mean we still have lots of time to sort it out but if he forgot once who know if he'll forget more! Biggest fear is he either forgets or neglects getting his suit. Luckily my fiance seems to have a handle on it. Pretty much if he forgets or anything again then he's out. And if he for some reason decides he doesn't even want to be a groomsmen anymore then my fiance doesn't even want him at the wedding. They've been best friends for years, since high school! They used to be roommates. But now my fiance doesn't even know what their friendship even if after this. Fingers crossed this gets sorted, I'll definitely update when there is an update.
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Master July 2018 Alberta
Stephanie · On August 14, 2018 at 16:39
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That's super annoying! For some reason, weddings seem to bring out the worst in some people...hopefully your fiance can get everything sorted out with him!
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Expert October 2018 Saskatchewan
Clarissa · On August 14, 2018 at 16:32
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That sounds extremely frustrating. I think your on the right track of staying neutral and leaving it your FH to handle.

Try to let it go as you can’t control other people’s actions and just focus and getting ready for your day and what you can control.
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Curious September 2020 Ontario
Julia · On August 14, 2018 at 16:27
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That sounds super stressful.... I personally wouldn't want someone by my side that I can't trust or rely on beside me on my most special day. I'm actually having the same problem and is thinking of picking new ones.
You don't need the odd on stress from people!
you guys got thisss.
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