Why do my friends suck?

We could be friends cuz she's not upset about it but I don't even want to at this point. I don't even see the point in being friends anymore. How long has it been since she's MIA? Is it typical of her?

Sorry you lost your MOH... Can't even imagine... It might take some work but I think you will still be able to be friends, she gave you an out... Glad the other one turned up... I haven't fired anyone but one is still MIA.

Sorry to hear about your friend who was to be MOH - it sounds that you might have outgrown each other. You know her best, and Tiffany seems to have additional insight as someone who comes from the same area as you guys, and from what you've both said, your friendship/wedding isn't enough of an incentive for her to step out of her comfort zone. IF you did want to hold on to that friendship, perhaps mentioning that might be enough of a push? Anyways, glad to know the others are there for you, and the other one was just away... bronzing in Jamaica.. lucky girl!

Yes I think it's exactly that. She's going to a province she's never been to before, alone, and not knowing anyone but me. Plus she's broke. So I get that it's a major inconvenience to her but I think I would still pull thru for her. So as much as I understand it I still think it's unacceptable. Her boyfriend won't come with her so I think that adds fuel to the fire sort of thing. It's just way easier for her to stay at home in her comfort zone. I'm still like mad and upset over the whole thing and our friendship is going to virtually over, we don't see each other anyway! But I'm super glad the rest of my bridesmaids are there now lol I thought another one was ditching out but turns out she was just in Jamaica. I'm sure she told me that too I just forgot lol.

Hi,I don't know your friend or all of the situation, but as a fellow Nova Scotian (currently living away as well) I know that some people are scared of the idea of travelling too far from home. Could that be part of it? It is expensive to travel for a wedding. My brother moved to Alberta and got married out there and I traveled from the Ottawa Gatineau area to be there. I wasn't in the wedding part but with flights, rental car and hotel stay it cost easily 3,000. Mind you, I did go for a week instead of only a couple of days, which would have cut costs significantly. I do know what it's like though. I lived here for over 10 years and my best friends mostly live far away.

LMAO! Well, I'm glad you found your bridesmaid lol

Soooo just want to say that my moh still sucks and she's out but the one bridesmaid I thought was ghosting me was just in Jamaica for the week. So at least it's turning out only one of my friends is shitty lol.

Exactly! I know I wouldn't be. I was a bridesmaid once and a MOH for my best friends wedding years back and I was there for EVERYTHING. I helped plan pretty much all of both of their weddings. I even had a girl from work ask me to be in her wedding party just before I got engaged and ended up having to back out because she gets married a month and a bit after I do (thankfully 2 years in advance) but STILL help her with things. And the only reason I backed out was because I knew I couldn't give her the time she needed and couldn't afford what she expected from me as a bridesmaid (she expected me to fork over money to pay for her stag and doe, bridal party, buy a $400 bridesmaid dress, expensive shoes and 2 trips- one to winnipeg for a weekend during March break when my kid isn't in school and another to vegas for her bachelorette).... unrealistic expectations.

Sometimes it's hard having friends lol

That's exactly how I feel and honestly I don't ask for much, just a text once a week maybe. let me know you're still coming. I just don't think I would be like this as a bridesmaid or moh.

This is true I was just being dramatic I don't think mike would fire anyone anyways I was just pointing out another reason I'm annoyed Hahah. As for her tho she's fired.

I feel ya, except for the whole MOH ditching. I haven't been able to talk wedding with either of my girls. My MOH works a lot and spends all of her spare time with her boyfriend. Shes horrible for ditching out on plans too. I find that I don't even bother messaging her about wedding related items because she usually doesn't answer or will give one word answers. My bridesmaid is the same way. Everything else thats happening in her life is much more important and anything to do with me needs to be put on the back burner. I have a lot of time before the actual wedding day but I like to have everything done well in advance. It's very frustrating. I hope everything works out for you.

You can have an uneven wedding party. "Firing" anyone you've asked already can be a relationship ending move. It should be avoided at all costs as it is very hurtful

I'm so sorry you are going through this Bethany. Sometimes, when people are students and have been asked to take part in a wedding can be an undertaking. It's sounds like she is struggling and is being honest with you. I know what it's like and think you might have to accommodate her and find out more where the actual issue really lies. Have you asked her about this? At times, people are afraid to divulge this information. The other possibility is that she's doesn't know how much is involved with her role and expenses that goes along with it. I would have a discussion with her further to make sure that you have all the information and then make an informed decision. Also, if you choose to fire her, make sure you find someone that is able to fill this role and is in contact with you before dismissing the current one. Wishing you all the best.

I still feel like she's not making an effort and hadn't really made an effort the whole time then two months after I asked her she said she didn't know if she could come cuz of money but that she'd talk to her parents. She waited another two weeks to talk to her parents then I texted her yesterday and asked if she ever talked to her parents about it. She said yes and they're supportive but that there's other things that factor in so she still won't know for a bit. I was like are u kidding? My wedding is in 6 months. When exactly will u know cuz my fiancé needs to know if he needs to fire someone if you're not going to show up. She's like well is there no one to replace me if need be? I was like no not really you're the maid of honour I didn't have a back up. It sounded stupid to me so she's out im firing her. Then my "back up" moh hasn't gotten back to me in a week. I just hate them all lol.

Great advice Valerie. After reading more of the MOHs background, I agree with you. In the beginning the discussion board was presented differently and it seemed that the MOH wasn't making an effort. Bethany, Seeing that the maid of honour is letting you know early makes it sound like she's really trying not to put you in a difficult spot! Starting a career and trying too move ahead can we so difficult. It's great that her parents can help out too. Sorry you feel alone where you are living. Valerie is right about getting a hobby or participating in an activity! I think thats a great idea! My original point of view would still stand if your bridal party just weren't making an effort to get back to you and not taking the role seriously, but if they are, and they are trying to be honest and upfront with you then maybe it's best to find a solution that would work for both of you. Good luck and I hope it works out!!!

Hey hun! It does sound really crappy to feel abandoned by your friend, especially given that you are away from home and not easily making friends And I totally understand that feeling of just wanting to elope when the wedding-planning stress is cranked up all the way!!! That being said, I've read all of the comments here, and I agree with what Valerie has said so far! If she is a really good friend of yours, which she seems to be since you are very upset at her potentially not being able to make it, she is probably trying to not let you down by being upfront about her financial/career issues. Based on my previous assumption about her being a close friend to you, I would also assume that she would absolutely love to be there for you, but she does have to protect herself and think of herself. If you were in her shoes, student with little disposable income, soon to be on the job market (I don't know what field she's in, but finding a job is soooo hard these days), how would you feel about potentially missing out on your close friend's wedding? Probably pretty crappy, but I am sure you would hope that your friend would be understanding! I was my friend's MOH, and I was living 2 hrs away (not as far, I know), I still had some student debt since I had graduated the year before, and within one month, I finished a job contract, moved back home for a new job, quit that one the day before her wedding, and started a new one two days after her wedding, and was studying for a certification exam. It was brutal. What helped was being able to freely talk about all of this with my friend, and her being so understanding of my crazy life schedule at that time! Perhaps she is going through a similar crazy schedule or feeling very anxious? Have you thought about how much responsibility you want your MOH to have and have you spoken to her about this? Maybe she is also worried about your expectations of her and not being able to do all that you want or she feels that you deserve? Since she is living so far, perhaps her sole responsibilities could include her being a long-distance support system for you during your wedding-planning, and showing up to your wedding in a pretty outfit? Are you planning on going back home? If so, perhaps your bachelorette party could coincide with a visit, to again minimize her expenses? Do let us know what comes out of this! And I hope you start feeling better soon - wedding planning is super stressful, and I can understand that not having your closest friend near you makes things even harder! Best of luck, please don't hesitate to turn to us for anything else!! Oh, and congratulations!!! xoxoxox

It's easier as an outsider to think from another point of view. But it sounds like she's trying not to stress you out and setting up expectations by saying that there's a chance she may not come to try and give you an out... even if she does really want to come. Personally I wouldn't ask anyone else to be MOH in place of her, as much as your friend would understand, it would probably really hurt her feelings. I would just do what you can to alleviate costs for her (have her chose her own dress, you can just tell her colour and length, maybe help her find like an Airbnb in the area that would be cheaper than a hotel). It seems like you want her there as much as she wants to be there, she's just worried about letting you down if she just really can't make it happen. But I understand your side, it feels like she's making excuses and that really hurts, but I really feel (well hope, because I don't know the intricacies of your friendship) that she's just setting expectations. That she will try, but a career opportunity would come first, and as anyone currently in the job market knows... it's HARD out there and you need to do what you have to to get into the field you want, and sometimes that comes at an unfortunate expense.

I get what you mean with making friends... it's seriously so hard to make friends as an adult! On that front I suggest getting out an doing something you're interested in (be it a sport or a class or a hobby), but as hard as it is, do it alone because people will be more open to approaching you. The last time I moved to a new city and didn't know anyone, I did some fitness classes... it was probably a good month or so before I noticed a woman about my age that was went at the same time as me and slowly we started chatting (tv shows and movies are the easiest common topics) and by a few months after that we became friends. Everyone finds it awkward, you're totally not alone in that!

It's nice you see her side of it cuz ur makes it seem less like a personal stab at me. She lives in ns, where I'm from, but I live in Alberta now. So she'd have to fly here. She has no money cuz she's a student so she told me she'll let me know when she talks to her parents. So I asked her if she talked to her parents, she said yes and they're supportive but now she doesn't know if she can come in case she gets a job ... and she won't be offended if I ask someone else to be my maid of honour... I cried lol. And since I moved to Alberta from Nova Scotia a year ago and I'm naturally kind of a loner, I don't have anyone I can think to be my maid of honour. It's just totally awkward for me. N it hurts

Oh I'm so sorry! Can you just have the girls pick their own dresses so she could get something in her price range? You could just let your friend play it by ear until closer to the wedding, maybe she won't even have a job and it will end up being a non-issue! I mean it hurts that it feels like she's not making you a priority, but maybe she's just hoping to get a job in her field and doesn't want to have to request a day off (if it's a place that works weekends or whatever) so soon after starting. I mean I was nervous asking my job for extra (unpaid) days off for MY OWN wedding because I've only been there a few months. Maybe just tell your friend it's important that she's there with you and do what you can to just not expect much from her. It's difficult but your wedding will never be as important to other people as it is for you. She might just have other things going on in her life

My bridesmaids are my two litte girls who are 6 and 9 so they will be there no matter what! Haha

But I hear you on friends. I invited a gang that I play volleyball with on Friday nights and the only one coming is my good friend who has to be there because she is the officiant! Everyone else is going out of town since it is Easter weekend.

Is there anyone else you know who you know for sure would be there for you that would could ask? Sometimes we really see who our friends are in moments like this. If the others won't even respond to you and are backing out, they aren't this friends. However, your friend admiting early that she can't afford it be there is maybe a blessing then you finding out last minute! Might be a positive way to look at it.

My moh is the one that said she doesn't even know if she can come. Then the person I thought of as a replacement isn't even texting me back. I have no moh right now.

Sorry to hear you are going through that Bethany! I have only 1 MOH. But I didn't pick more bridesmaids because most of my friends are older , and have kids, mortgages, bills, etc and I didn't want to put that extra financial burden on them and I think deep down I was afraid with everyone's busy lives, they couldn't be there for me like I hoped. Ive read a few discussion boards of brides who are experiencing the same as you and now I'm not regretting my decision at all. I supposed if your MOH doesn't respond and you do replace her, maybe you can keep it to just your MOH? Wouldn't that help your stress? Let us know how you make out.