Who to invite to my wedding?

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Thank you! I love how you worded that at the end - it's not a family reunion, it's my dang wedding. It shouldn't be an excuse to get family together because the people that should be there should be the people that are always there.

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Great advice, thanks! I especially like the whole making friends a priority. I was questioning that and I know that my mom and dad may not approve of putting friends first but when you only see an aunt or uncle once a year at most it wouldn't make sense from my POV or my FH's seeing as how we have been together for just over a year and a half.

Love that last option too - I will for sure give that one a try

We started by making a list of all the people we could imagine at our wedding (venue only holds 140, but our goal # is 120), then began cutting people.

I have a very large extended family, but I don't have a relationship with them, so I made the decision to cut it off at cousins. Aunts/uncles invited though. My fiance has a lot of distant aunts/uncles and cousins that are currently on the list, but he's also not close with them, so we may end up cutting them later.

There will be a 9 month old present (my MOH is due in Feb), but other than that, we're not inviting kids.

I think its important to make the list, do some revisions, them walk away from it for a while. Then, when you re-visit it a few months later, you'll have an even better perspective on who matters most to you.

My fiance and I are also that kind of people where our friends are our family, and its more important for us to share this day with our friends than it is the distant cousins we never talk to.

We have a b-list of people we would love to have at our wedding (like co-workers that we see on the daily) that we'll invite if there's some cuts, or people RSVP no.

Good luck. I know the guest list is one of the harder things. Important thing to remember is that its your wedding, not a family reunion.

All such good advice from everyone.

we made our rough guest list with a LOT of question marks beside people. for us, I have a larger family (but a fair amount I don't talk to). and we have a large friends base that we wanted invited.

-if you haven't hung out or had good talks in the past year. bye (granted I haven't seen my BFF in 6 years...but we talk weekly obviously they get an invite)

-a friend is from a family with 8 sibilings on her moms side and 10 siblings on her dads side. so a lot of cousins. they decided no cousins at all. just aunts/uncles

-don't be afraid to not invite cousins/family that you don't have a relationship with.

-we are giving the plus ones. but we only have about 10 people that aren't in relationships. so we are ok with that.

-I am inviting my cousins. but not their kids. if they don't like that. well too bad. we don't want a lot of kids at our wedding (there will be 4-6, plus a newborn).

-make your guest list...then walk away from it for some time (I didn't look at mine again for another month or 2). then we looked at it. and slashed some people off. haven't looked at since. we made a decision that in January we will start going through it again (with invites being ordered in march). so gives us 2 months to cut. we have approximately 220 on the list. our goal is 190 invited.

-we made our friends a priority invite wise. especially with the core group of people that we hang out with and talk to almost daily. they will get invites before some cousin I only see once a year. if you have a handful of friends that are that. make them a priority.

the other option. just get drunk and start crossing people off the list! hahahah (my friend did that) hahah

View quoted message Glad to be of help!

Yeah, that’s true. I had to draw the line when my fiancé wanted to invite his grandmothers sister and her family. I mean they will be invited for the ceremony, but not the reception. I mean sometimes too much extended family makes it very hard with wedding planning. have huge native families and am drawing the line of first cousins for my dads side. Our venue can hold up to 600 people but even if we could afford that many I would still limit my wedding size to 200 maximum.

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I love this. I will definitely keep that in mind. Thanks

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This is one of the bigger problems with our guest list - kids. If it was only about the money then we would be able to have them all but since we can only fit 250 people at the venue we think that we will have to cut out all of the kids...

As for the rule of if you've met them before we would love to use that one but unfortunately we have only been together for one and a half years and engaged for 9 months so we haven't exactly gotten many opportunities to meet family from out of town.

And yes - thats's one thing we agree on. Our friends are more of a priority to us than an aunt or uncle just based on us wanting people we know and like at the wedding lol

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Right? My mom and dad had a Ukrainian wedding so there was a guest list of 450+ people at theirs! It's crazy!

With that being said - they are all located 4.5 hours away where most Ukrainians settled in MB so at most we see them once or twice a year.....

I like the idea of asking the family though, if we were to ask his mom I'm sure she could give input as to who really actually should be there and who it would be nice to have there only if we can find the room for them.

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I think that we too will have to go with the not plus 1's at all. Unless I know them they will have to call and ask if they can bring one. Otherwise the invitations will have the S/O's name on the invite. Thanks

View quoted message Thanks for the help

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I am so relieved to read this! Lol

I read this out loud to my FH and he loves all of these tips (especially #4)!

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Sounds great to hear that it took a few months for you too. Me and my FH made this rough draft back at the 1.5 years to the wedding mark and now that it is close to the 1 year mark I was trying to look over it and realized how much actually needs to be done with it.

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Thanks for the advice - and you are so right! This is about the hardest thing we have done thus far in regards to planning the wedding!

Honestly, my fiancé has a large family on his dads side. There’s 11 aunts/uncles, plus their S.O’s. then they each have about 2 kids each who are all adults because my fiancé is the second youngest. So we just cut his cousins as needed since he doesn’t have a close relationship with them. We always try to think in a way that if you weren’t invited to their wedding, would you be upset? And if the answer is no, then no invite!

For us family got priority, I have 2 really large native families and then my moms family. My mom still warns me that kids will be brought to my wedding and I’m just going to say they need to pay because 2 kids = 1 adult. I am unable to invite all the friends I want for the reception because their isn’t the money. We do have some family ages 10-18 coming, but because they are traveling far.

For plus ones they only get one if they are in a serious relationship or if we have met them before. We do have a list of people we will invite to the ceremony and the dessert and dance, but these are people that requested this and are totally fine not attending the dinner. As for friends we kind of have an equal amount and then we have a list of shared friends. The people who are most important to you should be the ones that make it on the list.

I completely agree with Peggy.
My FH is Italian (hello big wedding) and we do not want this. There are many cousins that could be invited, but in the 5 years we have been together if I have not met them or talked to them on a regular basis they will not be invited
same goes with any plus 1’s if the relationship is not serious, or if I have not met them
Some extended family don’t want to go to a wedding for the exact reason of not being close to the couple.
Talk it out with both sides of family to help narrow it down. At the end of the day it’s your wedding and those you want there should be there

I had main family members only from my side (Canada and U.S.) not overseas. Husbands side most came except for some and his brother.

Co workers were included all but one from his work and 2 showed up from mine. Our friends that are close were accounted for inviting. No plus 1's at all.

For friends, I only invited those I’m very close to and see on a regular basis.

For family, only those we’re closest to. I don’t have a lot of first cousins but tons of second and third cousins. So, we limited it to people we were close to and who knew our parents.

I would do as others suggested, start with those you’re closest to. Place everyone else on a b-list perhaps?

Our list was over 460 people; we had to cut it down to 200 (got it down to 208).

A few of the 'rules' we used:

1) Our first major rule was 'If we haven't hung out with them in the last year, we are not inviting them.' A facebook chat/quick text message did not count.

2) We also had to cut out second and third cousins (I have a HUGE family), especially if I only saw them at extended family weddings/funerals and otherwise never heard from them. We do have a few 2nd cousins, and their families, that I see on a semi regular basis still coming.

3) We also didn't allow +1's if A) we hadn't met the person before and B) it wasn't a serious relationship (IE: they had only been dating a month or two)

4) If my fiancé and I couldn't both agree on someone, then we didn't invite them. We each got 10 'free cards' so to speak; 10 people we could invite without the other person's agreement.

5) If they are the sort to be super flakey and bail on plans last minute a lot, they weren't invited. If I can't trust you to meet me for coffee, I can't trust you to show up at this event.

That's tricky! It sucks when your list just continues to get bigger and bigger.
Besides parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts/uncles ect.. priority goes to other family members you see a lot, including the kids. Then it's family members that you don't see as often but you and/or your family feels they should be invited. Anyone you can't imagine not being at the wedding has automatic priority. Then for friends invite all close friends you see and socialize with still, then later if you still have room you can invite those friends you don't see as often or childhood friends. Last priority is plus ones...if you don't have room then get rid of them! That's what we did, our guest list was completed with no plus ones but adding them would be too much so we made the decision that no one gets a plus one unless they are in a serious relationship (over a year, engaged, married).

Biggest tip I have for you is to focus on those you can't not invite. Once you have all the people you couldn't imagine not have there then you can add the others. It's not easy but when you two sit down and talk and look through the list you'll get it. It took us a few months to finalize the guest list so don't worry about how long it is taking you.

Goodluck!!

I would stick to family you’re close with. We didn’t invite all our aunties and uncles or cousins. I have ones I haven’t seen in 20 years. Even if it’s my dads sister, I have zero contact with her. It can be so hard to cut down lists, mostly because we don’t want people to be upset or get offended. I only invited 2 of my cousins. (With their spouses) re-write your list. Start with the most important people in your life (with their +1s and their kids if you’re close with them) and go from there. You’re young, so I’m sure you haven’t gone to long without speaking to your friends lol. But for me, I didn’t invite any friends I don’t have regular contact with. I love them all dearly, but it’s not feasible. Also, I don’t think it’s a good idea to choose all family. Make sure your close friends are there with you to celebrate! Good luck! Making the list is probably the hardest thing to do!