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Stacey Tc
Devoted August 2022 Saskatchewan

Wedding party - disagreement

Stacey Tc, on March 25, 2021 at 13:14 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 10
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Background: I met my friend Sean in 2017, we became close quickly he is my best friend and like an older brother.

We have been in multiple shows together, and started a theatre company together. In 2019 he was part of my support team (with S.O & future SIL) while dealing with counselling for an assault and rescued me & drove me around after I was t-boned. That fall I told him during a conversation (with fiance there) that I want him in my wedding party (not S.O's side).

We hadn't actually started booking anything before covid (just preliminary planning) so now that we finally started planning, S.O is hesitant about having Sean involved because we've only talked to him or seen him 3 times since covid. I know it's hit him really hard because his mother got really sick just before covid.

I've only had one good friend my whole life (my MOH) and I met her in high school. I can't imagine not having Sean stand up with me, but S.O keeps making comments of "we'll see if we ever hear from Sean again" and "we have barely heard from him in a year". S.O keeps recommending I have his BFFs wife stand up with me, she's nice and we get along, but I couldn't imagine with being in my wedding party.

This is really important to me, everything else we have been compromising on. If Sean himself backs down, fine but S.O doesn't want to even want me to reach out and ask if he still wants to be in the wedding party.

Any advice?

(Please no comments of are you in love with Sean, or is S.O jealous. All 3 of us have had discussions of this and the perceptions of a hetero-normative society. )


10 Comments

Latest activity by Vinod, on March 28, 2021 at 12:20
  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
    • Dispute
    A tough call to make knowing friendship during the Covid times are hard to keep track. You choose who you want party of your wedding party as long as your happy with your decision despite of what your S.O. says. Sean does have a lot going before the covid times and to be there for his mom as your assured she is needing him as much as possible. Friendships are just hard right now to know where it is and how others are doing in this time. You do whatever it takes to reassure your in control of your friendship with him and to put S.O. in his place if he is being insecure about this whole situation. Just because there isn't much communication, it doesn't mean Sean will back down at any point. I do feel what you say because work does the same for me as I can't keep in touch with many friends and family feeling tired/exhausted.
    • Reply
  • Rayanne
    Featured June 2022 Ontario
    Rayanne ·
    • Dispute
    I have to agree. You are the one to pick the people you want on your side and he should be picking his own. If he wants his buddy's wife put her on his side.....
    • Reply
  • Hank
    Featured September 2021 Ontario
    Hank ·
    • Dispute
    It's your bridal party. He shouldn't be pressuring you into using random people from his side. How would he like it if you demanded he picks a random man you know that he's not close with to be one of his groomsmen?

    And if seeing someone more than 3x this past year during two major lockdowns is the bar for entry in a bridal party then I'd have to kick everyone out of mine. Like, seriously?
    • Reply
  • Geneviève
    VIP September 2020 Ontario
    Geneviève ·
    • Dispute
    I agree with everyone else and it’s like you said, Sean is dealing with a lot. I can’t even imagine how difficult it must be navigating the pandemic, especially with an ailing parent. And it makes sense that he keeps away if this could affect him or his family. I know our cases in NS are low but we’re not seeing anybody either and don’t want to risk our immunocompromised relatives.
    I’m sorry that your SO is questioning if Sean should be there. If there is another reason, hopefully you can talk about it and settle the matter. Otherwise, maybe if you’re able to reach out to Sean and just check in, it’ll quell your worries. He’d probably appreciate the virtual visit.
    • Reply
  • Stacey Tc
    Devoted August 2022 Saskatchewan
    Stacey Tc ·
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    Thanks Smiley smile

    Yes aside from the pandemic stuff, I've tried explaining to S.O that there's other stuff happening with Sean. Some of it he knows about but not all the details. Not my place to share someone else's hardships with him.

    It's reassuring to hear from others, this has been such an emotional year!

    • Reply
  • Abigail
    Curious May 2022 British Columbia
    Abigail ·
    • Dispute

    Friendships aren't about seeing each other constantly or talking 24/7! I only have one friend I constantly message but other than them, I don't see a lot of my friends during the year, specially during a pandemic! Also - the fact that Sean has also had a lot of huge personal things happen to him on top of a pandemic? I agree with Christiana about this

    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Super June 2021 Ontario
    Samantha ·
    • Dispute
    I'm with Christiana. Everyone is just trying to make their way through this unfortunate mess as best as they can, and it feels like friendships have deteriorated. I just texted one of my really good friends last week after not talking for about 5 months and we both said that we think about each other almost every day. So while it feels like friendships are no longer there, it's not so simple and in some cases just not the case at all.
    Anyway, it is important to have the people that you feel most supported and loved by to be by your side, just like you'd want for your FH, and that's what the wedding party represents most in my opinion.
    • Reply
  • Liberty
    Featured May 2022 Alberta
    Liberty ·
    • Dispute
    I agree with Christina! It shouldn't matter how many times you've seen them since covid started! Do you and Sean communicate often via text or anything else? When you do see him, does your friendship feel just as close as always? I think if you want Sean in your party, he should be!
    • Reply
  • Stacey Tc
    Devoted August 2022 Saskatchewan
    Stacey Tc ·
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    Thank you, hearing that from someone else makes me feel better.

    As far as I know there shouldn't be any reason he'd be a risk. He's always been such a kind respectful guy, and him and S.O have always gotten along. The 3 of us went out regularly pre-covid.

    3 times is a lot, I've only seen my MOH once in a year haha, one time of those times he was at my work because he's a rep for a company we deal with. The other 2 were outside when SK only had like 60 cases in the whole province.

    • Reply
  • Christiana
    Super November 2020 British Columbia
    Christiana ·
    • Dispute

    It's really unfortunate your SO is pressuring you to kick Sean our of your wedding party. Does SO not like him for some reason or has he done something in the past that would make him a risk to have in the wedding party? It's just weird to want him removed and replaced with someone you aren't close with because you haven't seen him much during a PANDEMIC where we are told to limit our social interaction.

    I know for me keeping in touch with friends has been really hard this year but it doesn't mean that I don't care. Some people are just not good at keeping in touch when they can't see people in person or when they're under a lot of stress. And honestly seeing someone 3 times in the past year that isn't in your household is kind of a lot. I only have one friend (now ex-friend because we had a falling out) that I've seen more than 3 times in the past year. Most of my other friends I've seen online a few times and in person like once last summer. I don't think you (or your SO) should measure a friendship on frequency of interacting rather than who actually makes you feel most supported and loved.

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