Wedding Colour dilemma

I understand it is upsetting, but we are humans and we do what other humans do, don't put too much stock in it. I don't think many people remember the details of the colours, especially enough to compare it to her wedding later down the road. We are all planning off of ideas in blogs, here, on pinterest, at wedding shows. None of us are the first to use any colour combo or "unique" attribute of our weddings. I am 43, I am bound to duplicate stuff from all of the weddings I have attended because that is what I know. Putting all those ideas together will create a new feel, its the touches of you and him like pics, stories etc that will be the differential.There are sooo many moving parts in a wedding she wont have a cookie cutter wedding. Keep some things to yourself if they are different than what the general wedding does. It sounds like you are both on trend and have similar tastes, nothing more. If she is doing this with malicious intent then I would think long and hard about your relationship.

Everyone and their dog have an arch and yard games - you can;t expect that someone else won't love what you did and want to have that kind of fun at their event. She will get them from someone else in the end if you refuse to sell them to her, and honestly this could drift a rift between you as sour grapes. Let her have her day, have her colours, be the bigger person.

I totally understand your frustration. I would try not to let it get to you (easier said than done I know). I would really focus on your day and your husband, as the two of you are what make the wedding unique not the decorations or the other things. Do you normally share your wedding details with her? If so I would avoid it if you can, if she is BM or MOH I understand that makes it hard to do so.

In regards to the archway and games I wouldn't worry too much about that it could be just come down to cost (as 2nd hand is cheaper than brand new)

I can understand why you would feel frustrated that she doesn't care but don't let that ruin things for you! Your weddings will be different even if their colours are in the same family. No wedding colour palette is completely unique either so stick to your guns and don't overthink it.

Stick with your original plan and the subtle details that reflect you and your FH will be the defining factors that people remember.

Weddings are the day for the couple and what colour and theme you want will happen. What ypur friend does may not be the same you. Keep things going for you. Just don't let her day get in your way of happiness.

Your friend may be taking ideas you have for her day though it may not make you feel good. Consider the thought of her happiness and to be taking some decor off your hands since it wouldn't be needed any longer.

Just know you two are going to be marrying the man of your dreams and leading happy lives. This fued within you shouldn't let you get the best of your day.

Your wedding will still be unique. The colours might sound the same, but when it's all put together they really won't look the same. You think they're going to be very similar because you are seeing it all piece by piece in the planning, but once they come together they will be so different!

And if you really don't like it, don't sell her the archway. Just tell her honestly that you really don't want to sell her it because you're worried it might make things look to similar, and maybe offer to help her find a different one?

Either way, just take DEEP BREATHS, and remember that you're overthinking it because you're so deep in the little elements and you can't see the big picture. When it comes down to it, everything will pan out just fine

I’m sorry to hear your sturggling with this but keep an open mind. I’m all about keeping things unique but I am using similar colours and rustic style my one bridesmaid used for her wedding. I would not change your colours at all, they sound wonderful. As much as it is irritating that she is picking things similar to yours, take it as a compliment that you have great taste. Plus your wedding is 1st, let her have all your left over items.
Regardless of colours and decor both your wedding will be unique because your to different people. She may even change her colours as time goes on. I know it’s tough and I would most likely feel the same way, but your friend clearly looks up to you. Try to look at the big picture, your friendship is more important... plus there just colours and decor
Have an awesome wedding with your dark blues and purples!

I understand your feelings and as everyone has said below, those feelings are valid! But don't let her bother you!! This is about you and your day! You seem to be constantly thinking about everything she's doing and less now about what YOU'RE doing! Colours are colours! To be honest my colours too are blues/purples and golds! It's almost hard to make a wedding super unique as it seems like everything has already been done! Focus on you and your fiancé and the wonderful day you'll share together!
And as I said before... if her wedding is after and she's copying everything? That'll just look bad on her in the end it won't take away from your day because it's already happened! And hey! Save some money too sell her everything! (Sell it for more if you wanna be sneaky haha!)

View quoted message This is such a refreshing outlook.

I thought it was just me because this is my second wedding. But it’s so true things like colours, dresses, favours, arches etc are REALLY not what’s important. They are really fun but not important. Trust me NOBODY will remember any of that in a few years.

You are marrying hopefully the love of your life. And your friend is marrying hers. Embrace how happy you will both be. Think about that. Not silly things like colour schemes.

Your feelings are valid, but don’t let one day in your life be the end of a friendship. I know that we all feel differently about situations, and we all have different points of view. I’m in my mid 30’s and I’ve been through so much in life. I’ve lost countless friends and family members. I would do anything to have them back and celebrate my big day with us, and that will never happen. To me, a wedding is a celebration of our love for eachother. The colour scheme is just a fun thing to do. But in the big picture, it’s truly not a big thing at all. I’m doing Tiffany blue, not because it’s unique, but because I love it! My FSIL loves Tiffany blue, if she was engaged and wanted to do the same colour, I would give her everything I had from the wedding. Even though our guest list would be almost the same. Any friend who wanted to do the same, I would gladly hand it over and let them use it. It would be such a compliment! Plus I’m spending a fortune on stuff, it would be great to have it used more then once! I know not everyone feels the same as me, and I get that. And that’s ok. But this could be something that brings you two closer together, instead of further apart. Sometimes we need to take a step back and reflect on what is really important. And to be honest, your colour scheme is beautiful! It’s so elegant. I went through 4 different colours before settling on mine. I’m super indecisive lol

View quoted message I think you're thinking too much in to it!

I dont think any wedding colour theme is really "unique". I'm doing charcoal, eggplant, and succulent green with accents of lavender and lighter grey. Purple is a very popular colour and I dont think it's fair of anyone to feel like they can "claim" one part of a wedding, no matter the setting especially when they're in different locations, times, and settings.

I feel like maybe your frustration is more of an underlying issue of jealousy that she is getting lots of help and you're not. (Based on the other comments you've made)

I think all of the colors and themes are so different, I definitely dont think she picked her colors with malicious intent. Just my opinion though!

*Edit*

Your weddings SHOULDN'T be competing. lol

View quoted message “Scheme” I see what you did there! 😂😂😂😂

In the grand scheme of things, the colours you choose for your wedding don't really matter. Nobody will remember the tiny details, so they aren't worth stressing over.

Its silly that you'd consider changing your colours. Your weddings should be competing with each other.

Let it slide. Plan your day exactly how you want it. Let her do the same. And maybe keep the remaining details quiet.

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I have no problem with her being engaged and planning her wedding, I have my wedding party helping me plan my wedding now. It is mostly that it upset me that she chose a very similar colour scheme as me and when I expressed that it upset me a bit she didn't care at all.. even if she seemed to understand and acknowledged that it made me upset I would be ok with it. And like I said it isn't just the colours, it is other elements of my wedding that are being incorporated into hers as well

View quoted message It’s ok to be upset and frustrated when you put in all this time already planning all these details carefully. And for that reason I wouldn’t change any of it. Your wedding will be first so if your worried about them being too similar it will come off as she copied you. And just keep reminding yourself that your wedding is about the two of you and to not get caught up in the “who’s doing what” games. I know it’s hard not to as my wedding is only a few months after my fsil’s so we have discussed wedding plans a bit and his mom is kinda in the middle bouncing ideas off both of us.

But again I don’t think the colour schemes being similar is something to worry about. I would just keep important and bigger details to yourself as you continue to plan. It easy to get inspired by someone else when bouncing ideas off each other or sharing details of what you’ve already planned. So I would keep the shared info to a minimum of your still worried about the weddings being too similar. But I don’t think they will by colour scheme alone.

View quoted message So? Maybe you both love purple. So she can’t use that colour because you “claimed” it first? I’m sorry this may seem harsh but I think you are really over reacting here.

They are 2 different weddings, in 2 different places, in 2 different settings. So what if both of your bridesmaids dresses are purple? There are many shades of purple and many styles of dresses. If she was using the same exact dress then I could see your pont. But who cares if it’s the same colour.

It sounds like maybe you are having a hard time with her now being engaged: maybe you need to step back and think is this really about colours or are you having a hard time with now her focus being somewhere other then your wedding.

Stop worrying about what she’s doing. You have your day and let her have her’s. It’s not a competition.

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It's just upsetting because I have been planning for over a year now and am doing it without any help from family and such, meanwhile she has been planning for 3 months and has a bunch of family helping out and I picked a lot of the details because they were unique so for her to turn around and use a lot of the same details and not really care that it has upset me makes it worse.

It wouldn't be so bad if our main colours were the blue/teal or if she was using purple as an accent instead of the main colour but we are both doing mainly purple with accents of the blues so it will look very similar in that sense.

Personally I don't find those colours similar at all. The purples, sure. But navy and teal are completely different. They look completely different when put next to purple.

And the wedding being in a different city with a different guest list...I don't get why this is stressing you so much. It doesn't sound like she is competing so much as has similar taste.

Like Emma said below, you two are friends and likely have similar taste; however, I understand where you're coming from. Going forward, it may be best to limit details about your wedding you think she may be influenced by if you're afraid she'll take more ideas from you to incorporate into her wedding. In terms of the arch, it's up to you: if it'll bother you, don't do it. If you feel comfortable after your wedding, go for it as it'll save her money (and make you money in return as you may not have planned to utilize your arch after your wedding anyway).

Like you said, your weddings are taking place in different settings, so hopefully they will have a completely different feel and look (aside from the similar colour scheme). With that being said, I don't think you should change your colour scheme over this considering it's what you wanted in the first place.

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My main concern is that if she is using our archway for the ceremony and we both have purple bridesmaids dresses they will look very similar.

The only reason she knows the colour scheme is because when I picked it initially she wasn't engaged and she was really excited about helping me plan my wedding because we don't have a lot of family support with our planning. I haven't really told her anything since, but what I have told her she seems to have incorporated into her wedding..

I wouldn’t be upset with her. You guys probably have similar taste. And her colours are different then yours and the wedding involves different people. Honestly I think you may be taking this a bit too personally. It’s not worth the stress. She probably loved what you did but has enough respect for you to try and make it different so that she isn’t copying you.

Look at it from her perspective. It must be difficult getting married after you because anything you do may feel “off limits” because you did it. Even if it’s something she’s always loved.

And whats the big deal about selling her some items to use afterwards. Sounds like a win/win in my view. You both save a little money. What were you going to do with those things afterwards?

I'd say teal is different enough from navy to make each wedding distinct.

If her wedding is in a different city with different people, is it really that important to you that she have nothing similar to you at all? Is it worth stressing yourself out over it?

I understand why you would be frustrated.

Unfortunately, there are only so many colour combinations in the world and while it is similar in colours to you, keep in mind that you will be doing your own thing. The colours might be the same, but your day will most definitely be YOURS.

I personally don't think you should be changing your colours because of her. I agree with the previous poster - Keep your info to yourself! Don't let her dictate how you do you (and your spouse!) on your wedding day.

That’s really frustrating. Especially when you’ve already put so much time and energy into planning your day and making it your own. But if you love the colour scheme you picked don’t be afraid to stick with it. Navy and teal although both blues can give off very different looks.

Keep in mind that being friends you probably have similar taste in things. You do want your wedding to stand out but it shouldn’t be a competition. At the end of the day your wedding will be a reflection of you and your fh. If it starts feeling like too much of a competition to stand out from one another I would suggest keeping a lot of these details to yourself and just tell her you want some things to be a surprise.

I understand your frustrations.
Remember that deserve to be happy as you plan your big day.

Be flattered by this copy cat friend and don’t let her steal your joy.

Maybe sell her parts of the archway so she has to put her own spin on it?

In the end your special day will be unique bc it’s just that “yours”.

Maybe stay “mum” on some extra special features so that it’s a surprise to all of your guests (my best friend and her husband had special choreography for their first dance, and a drumming circle to entertain guests - none of us in the wedding party knew it was part of the plan).

Good luck! Hang in there!