Wedding & family

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Yes I did thank you everyone for your comments!

My mom understood and is not renewing her vows anymore on my wedding day but a couple days later.

Hi Anne, have you talked to your mom yet?

I would say no as well. Would the venue even allow it? there may be some additional fees..

Omg no, no, no! Even if you were okay with this, how does your FH feel about it? I think it would be super awkward for his family and friends to watch your parents renew their vows. It just sounds like a bad idea.

For sure, I would say no. I wouldn't want any other major event happening on the day of my wedding. I mean, it's MY WEDDING. Your parents must have other alternatives to this. I am wishing you the very best, Anne!!

That would be a no from me if it was my family! You're not selfish, especially if you're the ones bearing the financial burden. I agree with everyone else that the next day or the rehearsal dinner is a much better option, or even a shout-out at the reception. After all, it's a renewal, so they've already had their big day; it's time you have yours.

I would say no. I’m sure she would understand— otherwise she wouldn’t have asked you. If they are pitching in for expenses, & holding that over your head then you have a problem. Maybe they could do a day-after event?

It’s obviously totally ok to say no if that’s what you want. However, if it’s something you are actually considering one positive way to look at it is it’s already a celebration of love, so why not? I’m not saying do it or not. But as long as there are boundaries and they understand the Day is still about you guys, then maybe it could work. I’m just trying to see the other side of it. I’m not sure what I would do in your case.

My feeling is no way.
This is your day with your husband.
You are not being selfish for wanting to say no.

I had my fiance's step mom ask the same question. They never legally got married so thought they might just jump in after the fact. Might have been a joke, but I tried to stay calm and kind so I mentioned I would be more than happy to leave up the arch if they wanted to use it the next day. We are getting married at our home so it wouldn't be a huge deal. I wouldn't be able to share my day. I don't think you are being selfish at all.

That would be a big no from me as well. I think at a brunch the next day would be good. I'm sure there are some friends and family of FH that wouldn't normally be invited to their vow renewal, so having an option of attending this for your parents is also something to consider.

I agree with the suggestion of your parents doing the renewal at the rehearsal dinner. Or if you're having a post-wedding brunch the next day that would be a good opportunity as well.

Also we are wedding date twins! The date is important to my parents too since it's the anniversary of the day they met, which I'm sure my mom will slip into a speech at some point in the night.

Lol. No to this one. You can have a rehearsal dinner and they renew there but your wedding is ‘your wedding’

I would tell her you do understand due to those factors but you are the ones paying for the wedding and its your one and only big day so you want it about you. This is them years down the road and wanting a second thing. If they wanted to do something while family still up they can do it few days later. But not at your wedding as will take it off you, you also shouldn't have to sit down in the crowd at YOUR wedding to watch them renew their vows

Um.. no. I don't think you are being selfish at all and I would not be on board with that. I get why she asked, and it is sort of a cute thought - but no. Our wedding was a day for us, no way would we have shared it with anyone else.

That's totally ok to say no to! I can only imagine it would be difficult, but it's supposed to be your special day! Maybe they can do it at your rehearsal dinner? Or maybe the next day during a brunch? I understand wanting to do it while the whole family is there but you should be allowed to have your own special day. You two deserve that.

I have to agree with everyone and say that it's totally okay to say no, as this is your wedding and day. I do like the rehearsal dinner idea for the renewal, or maybe another day close to that family are still around. I feel like they had their wedding day, so you deserve a day too! Good luck and I hope it all works out.

Oh my goodness. Do not feel bad saying no at all. It should be your and FH day 100%. The vow renewal at the rehearsal dinner is a good compromise.

I don't think you're being selfish. It is your day and its totally up to you and your guy if you guys want to let them do that. There's nothing saying your mom can't arrange to do a vow renewal before or after your wedding day when you're guests are in town... but your wedding day is special and if you compromise you'll end up unhappy on your big day.

Mom's are usually pretty understanding - I know mine is. Talk to her and let her know what you want early enough for them to make other arrangements.

Good luck girl!

My wedding is october 10 2020 too! I say no way to them renewing at your wedding. its actually kind of rude that she even asked. If anything she can do it the day after or day before when everyone is still around but not on YOUR wedding day. how would she feel if she was asked that on her wedding day?

I would also say no! This is your big day, you getting married, you want the day to be all about you and your FH.
Totally get why your mom would want to do that because everyone is together, but at the same time, she should want to celebrate your day!!
What if they do it the day after your wedding and then everyone who came into town would still be there and it wouldn’t take away from any of your wedding fun!

I would also say no, I'd feel bad but I'd say no since it is our day - not our parents. We shared our engagement party with their 30th anniversary party - but that's completely different!

I like the idea of the vow renewal at the rehearsal dinner - hopefully some of your family is around the night before (especially coming from out of the country). I feel like it'll set the tone for love for the weekend.

Honestly I would say no too. You could suggest doing it the next day, so all of the family is still in town! I just personally think it's not cool to steal your thunder and do it at the same time as YOUR wedding.

So much no!
I agree with Tori- if I has to be before, let it be the rehearsal dinner.

If there are are people who won’t be at the rehearsal dinner that they’d like there, why not have something the day after the wedding, or on their actual anniversary.

This is just an all-around no. I’m surprised your mother even asked. No, nopity-nope!

Noooo! Definitely no. I would not let my parents do this no matter how much you love them. It’s YOUR day. It’s not their day. They had their day 25 years ago.

Nope. nope. nope. nope.

It's your day.

Nope. nope. nope. nope.

Lol, I don't think you are being selfish at all! I get where they are coming from but.... nope.

Maybe they could renew their vows at the rehearsal supper, but definitely not the day of the wedding. If it's before your vows - then you miss seeing it and that's not what guests are coming to see in the first place. If it's after your vows before supper then you have to stick around and watch. If it's after supper or whatnot then it's already party time.

I would say either rehearsal supper would be okay or doing it between just the two of them off to the side with only them, the photographer, and the officiant.

As much as it seems its your day and fully understand that your parents want to renew their vows, its a simple request and would consider it.

As you did say that the family is fully there and once will they ever get to do this with them and for a special occasion as your. Its a rare timing and you get to celebrate your new beginning.

I always have said to my husband even before the wedding, family is family that will never stop being there for your and anyone else. This will be a agree disagree point to the fact it seems fair and a joyous timing for them too. After all, they are your parents and supporting you in your wedding throughout the planning.