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Kim
Devoted June 2022 British Columbia

We can't agree! (my rant)

Kim, on March 24, 2021 at 19:33 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 10
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So a couple days ago, it has finally officially been said that spring weddings can't happen in BC, with more than 10 people. Part of me is glad that it's been said, so that we have clarity moving forward, but of course it stings to have my optimism proven wrong.

Now we are in the process of postponing at least the reception to next year. The problem for my FH and I is when to do the ceremony.

I had been adamant that I wanted to get legally married this May no matter what that looks like. Now that we are actually being put in that situation, we can't seem to agree on when to do it. He wants to postpone that as well for next year, as his parents are divorced and both remarried, so that would automatically be 4 people + my 2 parents and that's our 6 guests.

We are closer with our friends, but I can't imagine getting married without our parents, so I just want to do it now.

Neither of us are really budging right now, so who knows what we will be doing. I know that there has to be a compromise, but my heart has been set for months now.


Has anyone else had this disagreement with their partner? If so, what was the final decision?

10 Comments

Latest activity by Kim, on March 28, 2021 at 13:27
  • Kim
    Devoted June 2022 British Columbia
    Kim ·
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    That's what I'm kind of pushing for, but my fiancé doesn't see the difference in getting married this year vs next. I would prefer to elope to at least be legally married and celebrate that next year
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  • Kim
    Devoted June 2022 British Columbia
    Kim ·
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    Thanks Vinod, those are some very good points. I agree that if we just eloped this year then next year with everyone would be much less stressful!
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  • A
    Newbie September 2023 Ontario
    Aaron ·
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    Why not get legally married in May and have a ceremony next year with everyone?
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  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    Spring seems to be your choice to get married and eloping at this time does seem fair with just the parents as mentioned to push back the big celebration for next with the full guest list to attend. Many disagreements will come into play as your hearts aren't set to know what to do when and how. We too had many disagreements as I took care of all the vendors booking with the costs as my husband then felt it was much to spend for 1 day of memories. He did say in anger to elope than to have a small wedding because of everything happening with my family drama. Come to a middle point to settle on a date that you both feel good about and proceed forward. This is a compromise you both will feel is lighter on your shoulders and be happy as one. Celebrate your Anniversary/Reception/Vow Renewal next year with all your guests present as you would with your wedding.
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  • Kim
    Devoted June 2022 British Columbia
    Kim ·
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    I have suggested that as well, but it kind of goes back to them feeling left out if they aren't there. I know that it's our day but it's hard when some people get upset!

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  • Alexis
    Devoted July 2021 Ontario
    Alexis ·
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    This is going to sound awful, but if he doesn’t have a close relationship with his step parents can they possibly be invited over zoom?
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  • Kim
    Devoted June 2022 British Columbia
    Kim ·
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    Those are some awesome points, and we will definitely have to speak more about it, maybe being more prepared with things instead of just emotions.


    Thank you!
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  • Christiana
    Super November 2020 British Columbia
    Christiana ·
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    Ah okay I understand. Honestly regarding the friend's September wedding - I don't think that's an issue at all. So many people in their 20s and 30s have multiple friends getting married each year and it's totally normal to have weddings back to back. If you were going to have it like a week before I'd say maybe consider a different date, but an entire month before shouldn't be an issue. Your friends will understand having to make tough calls having already postponed their wedding once.

    If July or August isn't up for debate though, I think you and your fiancé need to sit down together and completely lay everything on the table. It's obviously really important to you that you get married this spring and it's really important to him that certain people be there. Unfortunately you can't have both so you need to come up with a solution that you'll both be able to accept. Explain to him why it's so important that you get married this spring and he should do the same but about postponing. Maybe each of you should spend a few hours making your own pro/con list and thinking about why these things are important to you both. Then you can go into the conversation with a better idea of why you feel the way you do and be totally honest with each other.

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  • Kim
    Devoted June 2022 British Columbia
    Kim ·
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    I would be fine with pushing it to maybe August, however our best friends are getting married in September and we don't want to take anything away from them. They had to postpone theirs from last year so we want to give them all our attention.


    And yeah, he doesn't want to get married in the spring with just the 10 as he wants his parents AND best friends there. So we're definitely kind of stuck until one of us kind of steps back.
    Talk about starting off on the right foot 😅
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  • Christiana
    Super November 2020 British Columbia
    Christiana ·
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    Since you seem to want your parents and your friends there and that isn't a viable option are you willing to push it back even to the summer? They keep saying everyone should have access to a first dose by the end of June, so I'd expect in July and August weddings could be slightly bigger.

    If you won't move it back then it sort of sounds like you just need to make a decision and your options are limited. If you can't imagine your parents being there and you won't budge on that then it only seems fair that your fiancé's parents are also there. Unfortunately that's your 6 guests. I don't see there being a compromise that's fair or makes sense. I guess the only exception would be if your fiancé doesn't have a relationship with his step-parents and would be ok not inviting them. Then I think you could make a case for "we want our two closest friends to be there and while we would love to have the step-parents attend we can't have more than 10 people". But I can see how this could create a lot of drama and potentially damage his relationships with his parents.

    Edit: I re-read your post and I think I may not have understood you. Are you saying your fiancé doesn't want to get married at all this spring even if all of the parents can come?

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