Un-inviting guest to wedding?

I would definitely have a conversation with him prior to your wedding about how his actions while he has been drinking have made you feel in the past. This can definitely be a tricky conversation to have with someone, as you dont know how they will respond. I personally would not jump the gun and un-invite him right away, especially if he is someone that you and your FH are close with. Just reinforce that this is a special day for you and that you would appreciate if he was fully present. I hope things work out well!

I agree with Erin; it's best for you and your fiancé to talk to him about this. While there's no guarantee it will be an issue, it sounds likely and you don't want that tarnishing the mood of your wedding reception by making you or your guests uncomfortable.

You could let your bartender/server know ahead of time that he shouldn't be served more than X number of drinks, but after a drink or too he may become rude and have a poor reaction to being declined another drink. :/

I wouldnt worry about things like this! Its your wedding and you dont want anything to go wrong on your special day. I think he would understand... if not now, maybe when he is sober.

I think you need to be honest with your friend and tell him that his behaviour while drunk is very concerning and you don't want him acting that way at your wedding and around your guests. I think if you can follow Brittany's advice and tell everyone important that he can't be served alcohol then great but otherwise I would err on the side of caution and not invite him. It would just be something in the back of your mind that you are worrying about during your big day and you don't need that with everything else.

My cousin is currently 2.5 years sober now, but was in a bad place with drinking when his brother got married about 5 years ago. of course he was going to be at the wedding, but they talked to him about not drinking, and told the bartender he wasn't allowed to be served alcohol. It worked out for them.
If your fiance is able to talk to him about staying sober, and he agrees, you can then let the bar know not to serve him as a backup if he weakens later in the evening...
Either way, it's your big day, and as much as we want everyone there, it's your right to make sure people who would cause more harm than good are not present.

Sounds like my sister

It's a touchy subject, but I think that you should be honest with him and let him know that if he is not sober, he cant be at your wedding. You don't want to have to spend your wedding worrying about him, especially if there are kids, grandparents, etc there. If can become a safety issue, and you shouldnt have to deal with anything like that.

I hope this helps in any form!

View quoted message Thanks Alexandra!

I have a similar situation where one of my friends got into heroin in the last few months. We sent out save the dates and he got one of those but he won’t be receiving an invitation because of that. Uninviting him is probably for the best right now. He needs to find his way back to sobriety and not enabling the behaviour and allowing him to come when he’s like that is the best thing you can do for him.

View quoted message Thanks Maya!

I think you have a right to uninvite him, but as Erin had mentioned it has to be done in a way that shows you care about him and his health. Also, even if approached sensitively he may still be mad and my feedback if that is the case is not to worry about it because you are thinking of his health, which is something maybe right now he’s not doing for himself.

I have one cousin who is sort of the same, she likes to drink and defiantly has one too many. She wasn’t invited to our other cousins wedding last year August even tho she wasn’t invited. One of my uncle brought her as his plus one. I am going to emphasize that my uncle can bring my aunt, but not substitute my cousin instead. It wasn’t even his daughter so I dunno. Good luck with your friend

View quoted message I agree you did nothing wrong by inviting. Don’t let that comment get to you. It’s not up to you to make sure he’s not around people drinking. He’s responsible for his behaviour.

View quoted message Haha it’s ok! Sorry to get defensive! 😘

View quoted message Oh, no, I'm so sorry, I certainly didn't mean to sound accusatory. I just meant that you could look at it that way when he's in a state such as he is. I truly apologize, I should have phrased that much better!!

View quoted message You are definitely right on how to approach it! Thank you for your suggestions!! ❤️

View quoted message Thanks Emma!
Its been a pretty crazy couple weeks for sure. I want him to get help, he was doing so well 😔

View quoted message Thanks Erin!
He was sober for 2 years and we had gone to events together a lot - he would have the non-alcoholic beer or just pop or whatever. He was very much in control of his sobriety. We invited him to our day because we wanted him there. It wasn’t an ill intent of having him around alcohol...I don’t agree with saying it wasn’t right to invite him because of this...but that’s just my opinion.

It’s your wedding, remember that. If you know he will cause issues you are very right in not allowing him to attend, if that’s what you and your fiancé want. I’ve had to deal with multiple people with drinking problems. It’s hard. You aren’t his mother, but you don’t have to suffer because of his actions. By dis-inviting him you are actually helping him by not enabling his behaviour. His actions have repercussions and the more he is faced with that the more likely he is to get help. Pretending it’s not an issue is not what he needs.

You never want a person who is going to behave like that at an event this important to you. And on top of that, a wedding is an event where you're expected to have a drink to celebrate and it's not right of you to put him in a situation where he's around alcohol, especially when you know he's an alcoholic. When you approach him about this, make sure it's less about you not wanting him to ruin your wedding and more about your concern for him, his health and safety, and his sobriety.
It's not unfair of you to uninvite him, it's just how you approach this that's going to make this situation better or worse.
Best of luck - I hope everything turns out for you!