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Peggy
Super May 2019 Alberta

Ugh. rsvp vent

Peggy, on March 22, 2019 at 16:47 Posted in Wedding reception 0 22
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I sent out my save the dates 16 months ago, and our wedding invitations in January. Tomorrow is our RSVP deadline. As of this morning, I still had 181 out of 270 guests who had not RSVP'd.

I enlisted my mom and bridesmaids, and have gotten it down to 118 guests who haven't RSVP'd yet, but honestly - it is not that hard to do. I don't understand people not RSVPing, or even just telling me and I'll RSVP for them!

I'm also surprised by how many 'no's' we're getting - everywhere said to expect 10-15% - I am sitting closer to 33%! A lot of people have work interference - but in my mind, it they had wanted to come, with 16 months notice, they could have booked it off.

22 Comments

Latest activity by Sharlene, on April 5, 2019 at 12:02
  • Sharlene
    Expert August 2019 Alberta
    Sharlene ·
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    Yikes that sucks as if someone planning a wedding has the time to track down people. We will be sending out invitations within 3 weeks. I hope that we have better luck. One thing for sure is we won't have as many guests to track down as the venue only holds 88 guests. We have three ways to RSVP; via wedding wire, e-mail or call. Luckily too some guests have RSVP'd yes and no already when we sent our the save the date cards.


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  • Holly
    VIP June 2019 Ontario
    Holly ·
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    I have noticed people don't care to RSVP either.. we have our guests emailing their RSVP and instead of sending them an information card with their invites we have it set to go to all those who RSVP yes through email.. so it's pretty important that they do it but people keep giving us a hard time saying they will send it then they don't... We still have 2-3 weeks left but I'm not confident in a few guests. I am constantly putting reminders on Facebook and my Instagram story and luckily got 4 RSVPs today, hopefully more soon!! People frustrate me!
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  • Stephanie
    Beginner May 2019 Ontario
    Stephanie ·
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    Honestly, what I found is that people DO NOT CARE to RSVP!! The deadline means nothing I feel like. But I mean... if you do not get confirmation of attendance, then how do you know how many meals to pay for?!

    I sent paper invites, but told all guests to RSVP online on weddingwire.ca.

    BUT, due to people not responding... I ended up having to write on my wedding website something like: "those who do not RSVP before the deadline will unfortunately not be able to attend".

    AND THEN for every single guest who had not responded and/or may not have noticed my website message - I personally sent them e-mails and/or text messages saying:

    "Hey _____ , our Wedding RSVP Deadline is approaching fast!!! Please let us know ASAP by logging onto our wedding website to let us know if you are able to attend. https://www.weddingwire.ca/ ____ . Hope to see you there!"

    Typically the guest would then respond to ME personally and I would just take care of the RSVP myself - telling them I would update the RSVP for them & don't worry about logging in (or some guests got the message and then updated their RSVP online << praise the lord!!)

    My RSVP deadline is in 2 days andddddd I finally got all the RSVPs in!!! Whew!

    (But seriously - it was a STRUGGLE!!) Don't give up hope xo

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  • Kristi
    Curious February 2020 Ontario
    Kristi ·
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    Omg I love this! hahaha

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  • Kristi
    Curious February 2020 Ontario
    Kristi ·
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    I completely understand the frustration. That is a lot of RSVP's not done! I have read its sometimes needed to call everyone who hasn't responded and ask. We gave over a year notice as well. My Fiancé keeps reminding me that who is meant to be there, will be there and in the end it is about you two who are getting married, Try not to stress it. Easier said than done I get. But it's true, people today are more about themselves and their busy lives (not to mention that a lot of work places don't give out holidays too far in advance) and the excitement and joy of marriage is getting less and less. Makes me sad but it doesn't mean we can't be excited. I think its up to us to build it and they will come - The ones who are meant to share it with us will give us great joy! Just my two cents. Its great that you have your mom and BM's to help you out with the calling. Its going to be an exciting event for sure!!

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  • Becky
    VIP September 2019 Ontario
    Becky ·
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    I definitely agree with they could have booked it off! That is a huge amount of people just not rsvping! I would def need some help with tracking them all down as well. I hope that with your mom and bm's that you are able to get it all sorted out and fast! I always rsvp instant when get the invite so I don't forget.

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  • Kelly
    Expert September 2019 Manitoba
    Kelly ·
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    That is an inane amount of people to chase! I'm so sorry you have to do that.

    Crossing my fingers I don't experience this.

    I've seen this invite circling around wedding groups. Don't we all wish we were bold enough to be this passive aggressive?

    Ugh.  rsvp vent 1


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  • Peggy
    Super May 2019 Alberta
    Peggy ·
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    And yes - Our wedding is May 4. We have to have numbers to our caterer by April 15, so we have a 3 week buffer, but I'd prefer to have it done within this week!

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  • Peggy
    Super May 2019 Alberta
    Peggy ·
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    Yes, I did - I had my mom and three of my bridesmaids and my FH help me contact everyone - we are down from 181 non RSVP's to 64 who haven't replied. We will contact any remaining ones again thisThursday, my FH and I, and let them know we need to know by Saturday or we will have to put them down as a no,

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  • M
    Curious May 2019 British Columbia
    Michelle ·
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    Recruit help! Get your mom, sister, mother in law, whoever, to call people up and remind them. It's frustrating, annoying, and super stressful, but you need your numbers!

    We contacted our guests about 6 weeks, a month prior, and a week before, and we were still having to hunt some down the day of! We did have a buffer from the RVSP date to when we actually needed numbers, so hopefully you have a buffer as well Smiley smile

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  • Stephanie
    Master July 2018 Alberta
    Stephanie ·
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    I don’t remember how many I had to chase down, but it wasn’t as many as you! That’s crazy!
    I also had a lot of no’s that surprised me. We had invited 185 people and 85 rsvp’d Yes. We were expecting about 75 no’s so there were a few surprises! But, when the day came, I barely noticed that those people weren’t there as I was just so focused on my new husband and the people that did come!
    I hope people reply soon! I had to send out a “respond by the end of the week or I’ll take it as a no” email! That got people to reply!
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  • Candace
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Candace ·
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    We had a similar situation where a lot of our first invites were "no" and then everyone else seemed to wait until closer to the deadline to RSVP. We actually started casually mentioning it to people a couple of weeks before the deadline so that by the time the deadline had come and gone we were only tracking down 10-20 people to rsvp.

    This is why they always recommend leaving yourself lots of time between the deadline you give everyone to RSVP by and your actual deadline. About a month after our "deadline" any guests we still hadn't heard from we contacted and told them that they had 2 more weeks and if we hadn't gotten a response from them in that time then we were assuming them to be a no and they would not have any food or seat if they decided to show up to the wedding after that. Sometimes it just takes being strict with everyone.

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  • Peggy
    Super May 2019 Alberta
    Peggy ·
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    Thanks for the empathy everybody. With my bridal party helping yesterday, we got it down 90 you haven't responded yet. We'll give it another few days and follow up again and if they don't answer will put them down as no's
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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    That sucks about the RVSPs! I'm honestly not looking forward to hunting people down for their answer. Especially with Save the Dates, people know when your wedding is and should've planned accordingly if they really want to attend. People who are invited know about the wedding and should know if they can attend or not and send in RVSPs ASAP!

    It sucks that so many RVSP'd no but sometimes work comes up - people can't get the time off even if they requested it. It definitely sucks for sure though!

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  • Gina
    Super April 2019 Alberta
    Gina ·
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    I’m sorry you’re dealing with the whole RRSP fiasco. I’m surprised how many people who have been married before are still so ignorant about RRSPs. My cousin was going to bring my Grandmother and Auntie as a surprise (destination wedding) and thank god my mom found out and told me! I would like my 92 year old Grandmother to be sitting at a front table with a dinner ordered for her. Haha. And I found out my MIL was trying to convince people to still come even though our RRSP deadline had passed. Ugh! I hope you get it figured out soon, and hopefully you aren’t waiting to long. Numbers affect everything! Don’t people realize it.
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  • Andie
    Expert May 2019 Ontario
    Andie ·
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    That sucks! I just don’t get how some people can be so ignorant! I feel like over a year to get time off of work is plenty of time to do so.... planning a wedding really shows peoples true colours I guess 😕
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  • Mandy
    Devoted July 2019 Alberta
    Mandy ·
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    This is a huge fear. Mine is next week. I started getting people on it last week. I didn’t want to have to track down people after the deadline. I don’t get it either. I am dealing with the same issue, I address the envelopes put stamps on and everything not that hard to put their names on it put it in the envelope and put it in the mail.
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  • Holly
    VIP June 2019 Ontario
    Holly ·
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    This is a big fear of mine! Not getting the RSVPs by the deadline. We only have 70 guests including our family and wedding party and their dates so those don't really count towards the RSVP. Our deadline is in a month and we've only gotten maybe 5. We still have time but I'm still worried. I'm going to post on Facebook in a few days to remind everyone they have less than a month to let us know if they will be attending or not. We sent our save the dates in September I think and the wedding is in June and the invitation went out in February so that's plenty of time to book time off or find out if they are available. Your guests had even more time!!
    Maybe contact everyone with an after deadline date and tell them if they don't RSVP by then they are off the list.
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  • Jenn
    Frequent user April 2019 Saskatchewan
    Jenn ·
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    You are right! Lack of etiquette, indeed! Do guests think that its optional to let us know? Our wedding is four weeks away, and we still have a list of maybes... They are not in the seating plan, so if they show up, they'll have to pull up a spot at the bar (which we are, ironically, not using!) and eat the left overs...
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  • Veronica
    Super October 2021 Alberta
    Veronica ·
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    There is a serious lack of RSVP etiquette nowadays I think. I throw a few parties for my social circle throughout the year, and every single time, I am hunting down RSVP's well past the RSVP date. It's gotten to the point now that I am just firm on not allowing people to attend if they neglect the RSPV deadline. I don't think people realize what an RSVP means to the host, ESPECIALLY in the case of a wedding. Its not just a "nice to know" ... it affects a heck of alot! And it's the easiest thing to RSVP, it really is. A response I get a lot is "we just don't know what our life will look like x amount of time out" ...well yes, but that is why we send out RSVPs so early. So you can at least factor that into your life. Unless I am mistaken, most of us are not celebrity style social calendars. Sorry to hear about your RSVP troubles. I hope it all gets sorted soon! Also sorry to hear about your "no's" because of work, that isn't really a good reason if you have so much time to plan in advance. Easy to book off I would imagine or arrange. Unless it require extreme travel?

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  • Casey
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Casey ·
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    Wow! So sorry to hear that there are so many people not RSVPing! I agree with Tori, if I couldn’t go I would let the bride and groom know right away. As soon as we get wedding invites and we know we are going I send that RSVP out as soon as I can.
    16 months is tons of notice too for people to know if they can go or not. When I handed mine out I got RSVPs on the spot. It blows my mind people just leave it till the last minute
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  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·
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    My gosh, see - I don't understand why of all people to push off RSVP'ing it would be the people who know they can't go! If I got an invite and knew I couldn't go - I call ASAP, otherwise I try and make it work first and call to say yes (or email, send the card, etc.)...

    Hopefully you can round up all the RSVP's this weekend :/

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