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Kacy
VIP February 2019 Quebec

Trouble finding ways to compromise for your wedding?

Kacy, on March 2, 2017 at 21:25 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 21
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David and I have had several arguments thus far with regards to the wedding and I've had some difficulty getting him involved. I know some of you don't expect your S.O. to be very involved, but my opinion is, since he is the one so adamant about the whole thing, I need his opinions and his assistance since we have a big guest list and very little money to work with. That being said, I found this article that I thought was encouraging, refreshing and hilarious at the same time. Thoughts? Are you having trouble seeing eye to eye with your future spouse?
http://www.brides.com/story/real-brides-convinced-fiance-compromise-wedding-planning?mbid=nl_030217_weekly&cndid=44963484&spmailingid=10543487&spuserid=mtu2mtg0nzq5ntqws0&spjobid=1120189695&spreportid=mteymde4oty5nqs2

21 Comments

Latest activity by Kacy, on March 3, 2017 at 17:22
  • Kacy
    VIP February 2019 Quebec
    Kacy ·
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    I definitely agree that this is something to be happy/excited about, and shouldn't cause arguments because at the end of day, the wedding is about joining the two of you together in marriage and celebrating the love you two have. I have become more laid back (believe it or not! lol), but I suppose where I am coming from is that if I completely let go, then it won't get planned. I can stop planning it but then don't want to be in a situation where we are rushing to book everything. Anyways, one day at a time, the daily relationship to me is more important right now, so I'll take several steps back and see what happens. Thanks for the comment! Smiley smile

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  • Kacy
    VIP February 2019 Quebec
    Kacy ·
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    100%!! Both parties are important, as for during any other issue/decision/situation, not just the wedding day Smiley smile

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  • Kacy
    VIP February 2019 Quebec
    Kacy ·
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    Exactly! Thanks Sam Smiley smileSmiley smileSmiley smile

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  • Kacy
    VIP February 2019 Quebec
    Kacy ·
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    That is super nice and thoughtful, glad to hear that!! Smiley smile It is hard when they are gone for work a lot, which David sometimes is, but even when he is here, he works most evenings, so he's quite occupied (which I obviously have known since we have been together during all of our post-secondary education)! Relationships are all about teamwork, I 100% agree Smiley smile

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  • Gillian
    Curious September 2017 Ontario
    Gillian ·
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    Life is too short to argue about the most important day when you have the rest of your lives to live and love.

    Your wedding day is important but so are you.

    Set your budget and make sure that everyone is on the same page and if not stop and take a minute or two to get there.

    Im the one who is more laid back but enjoying the process, I remain open to his opinions at least for now...

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  • Louise
    Devoted September 2017 Quebec
    Louise ·
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    I am extremely blessed that my fiancé is involved in OUR wedding. We both have the exact same vision. There were a few things that we had different opinions on mainly a videographer. He came around eventually.
    I think regardless of any wedding. Both bride and groom should have input on their special day.
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  • Samtam
    VIP November 2016 British Columbia
    Samtam ·
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    That is a lot going on! That's good though that he's starting to come around. Once you get the big stuff figured out, the smaller stuff should be a lot easier.

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  • Kacy
    VIP February 2019 Quebec
    Kacy ·
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    YES! Exactly! Once I have the venue booked, I won't need his involvement as much... but it's been two solid months now of trying to get the ball rolling on this and booking a place and date, and time is flying! I feel you and I are very much the same, and I am using all of those tactics too. I'll stop being so annoying once we get the venue/caterers sorted out lol. And then if he doesn't get his task done, that'll be on him Smiley tongue Thanks hun xo

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  • Vanessa
    Frequent user June 2018 Ontario
    Vanessa ·
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    After we booked the venue and photographer, it was much easier to stop the "rush rush rush we gotta do this wedding stuff" and now I only really involve him when I know he cares about something. I know him well enough to know what his opinion is. I also just assigned him things - like booking the officiant he wants (he hasn't done it yet haha).

    What I do is make a list of things I want to talk about throughout the week and then I just "put my wedding hat on" one evening and talk to him about stuff casually and without panic lol! Once a week, instead of daily is definitely healthier for both him and I!

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  • Jayson
    Beginner October 2017 Quebec
    Jayson ·
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    I can see that's why you said yes to him Smiley smile congratulations to you both all the best in your planning!
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  • Emilie
    Featured Quebec
    Emilie ·
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    Hey Kacy! I'm happy you're sharing this. It can definitely be hard at times to be a team on this. Which advice did you find the most useful? Have you tried any of these so far? Smiley smile

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  • Natasha
    VIP August 2017 Ontario
    Natasha ·
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    Definatly have to work as a team, my FH has been pretty good with being involved when he needs to be other then that he lets me do my thing and always asks if I need a hand with anything which is very nice and thoughtful of him. It is hard as he is gone alot for work so most of the wedding work is left up to me but that is ok, I knew the man I said yes to and the man I want to share my life with ... he helps where he can and I value his opinion on wedding ideas

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  • Kacy
    VIP February 2019 Quebec
    Kacy ·
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    LOL yes that is very true! I did see that I was veeerryy obsessed, so have limited "wedding talk" a lot hahha Smiley smile he will come around, it's a matter of time ! He is a good guy after all Smiley winking
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  • Jayson
    Beginner October 2017 Quebec
    Jayson ·
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    Haha your very welcome Kacy try and be patient with him he has alot on his mind trust me I was like that for a month after we go engaged she was just constantly talking about wedding stuff it was driving me a bit crazy and she saw that and and took a step back till I let go of the fact I was having a shocking moment so he might be in that state as well try and minimize the wedding talk when you see I know you ladies get overly excited with things like these which is normal but minimize it a bit he will come around Smiley smile
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  • Kacy
    VIP February 2019 Quebec
    Kacy ·
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    Thanks Jayson!!! It is so nice to see a guy here and commenting! I am so happy for you and fiancée that you have worked out a system! Smiley smile He did sign up to the app, but definitely doesn't use it, except when I sit us down and say "ok, let's look at our WW budget." He thinks I am obsessed because I am constantly on here, emailing people, researching stuff, etc. and I am like, "dude, I have to be or nothing will get done." Lol!! We are normally very able to communicate and compromise (I mean we have been together forever lol), maybe that is why this time around it is so difficult because I don't understand why. Of course I know he is busy due to his PhD, he has to work on it every night whereas I have the luxury of not having to work-related things to do except for rare instances. So I get that part, but I would still expect some assistance. But yes, I will sit down and talk to him again to reiterate. Thanks for the comment, Jayson, it is lovely to meet you! Congratulations to you and your S.O. Smiley smile
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  • Jayson
    Beginner October 2017 Quebec
    Jayson ·
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    Compromise is very important working as a team for the wedding is great practice before marriage I'm very involved with my fiancée cause I know it's a stressful process she easily gets stressed out so with my help and research as you can not many guys use this app lol but seeing everyone's ideas helps but maybe sit down and talk to him communication is the key you two will become one flesh so it's good to workout your differences
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  • Katherine
    Super September 2017 New Brunswick
    Katherine ·
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    Wow renos and a wedding... That is alot
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  • Kacy
    VIP February 2019 Quebec
    Kacy ·
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    Lol yes, it does sound like you've both got it pretty much figured out (except maybe the addresses Smiley xd ); that's great! Smiley smile I'll keep trying these strategies Smiley winking
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  • Kacy
    VIP February 2019 Quebec
    Kacy ·
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    Smiley smile thanks! Yes, in fact, because he hasn't done as much research, he isn't as aware of the cost of weddings and wedding-related things. .. Which fair enough because he hasn't done the research (vicious cycle, much? Lol) but that frustrates me when he argues that what he's visualizing is feasible. He's started to now become more realistic but it's still hard to get him on board to help me identify/contact specific vendors. I try to say, hey, could you contact so-and-so? But I've had mixed results. I guess at the core of this is that he wants a local wedding that would typically cost probably close to double our budget OR a destination wedding in the Carribean, and the stress of trying to make this happen for him and my personal preference of not doing a destination wedding (unless we eloped in Europe or something lol) is hard to overcome when I feel mostly alone in planning this. I have expressed this, but still no progress. On the other hand, he is busy with his PhD, and he does most of the researching and work on the renos we have for our new house...so maybe it's only fair?
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  • Katherine
    Super September 2017 New Brunswick
    Katherine ·
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    We used a few of those strategies... I agreed to a larger wedding than I wanted, but got to pick the venue for the reception... I'm more into the planning than he is but I ask his opinion before making major decisions... He isn't as involved as I would like when he needs to do something (like chase down addresses)... Then again I'm glad he has no opinion on decorating.
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  • Samtam
    VIP November 2016 British Columbia
    Samtam ·
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    I definitely agree with you that you're both a team so you both should be involved in the wedding planning process. It can be difficult to help them understand how it all works when they haven't done as much research as us! What are some of the things that you two have disagreed on? I was lucky that my husband was very involved, at least compared to what I've heard about most grooms! But there were still times when I had to give him a reality check and then he'd come around. Smiley winking

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