To do a Registry or not??

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Nothing wrong with having a registry to upgrade things. or to get an item that you want but won't buy yourself.

rule of thumb is that if you invite them to the shower, you invite them to the wedding.

personally I feel its bad manners if you invite them to the shower but not that wedding. its like saying "I just want your present". but just my personal opinion

We can't decide what to do either, as we live together and have most of the stuff we need. It would probably feature upgrades such as bed linens, towels etc.

Also, what is the etiquette for inviting people to a shower....do they then HAVE to have an invite to the wedding too?

Hi all! Thanks for the advice! Me and my fiancé have thought about it and decided to not do one. It was a true debate but even our families believe that a registry isn't the way to go plus almost all the past weddings from family were all monetary.

Thank you ☺

I was on the fence about registries as well too! My FH love together , but decided a registry really isn’t a bad way to go! We decided to add things on our registry to upgrade on things we normally wouldn’t Horace or pay for ourselves! Making it a wonderful thing ! No regret so far!

I see your dilemma and 2 point of views to look at:

1. Monetary gifts are always helpful to put towards a certain goal and not touch it. It can help towards your home down payment and payments, furniture and home accents. No storage except the bank of course.

2. Registry is nice to have and to receive the gifts you want particularly from store(s) of your choice. Storage wise is limited and time between your shower and wedding may be lots to consider of an area. Nothing to spend after moving in and making an extra trip to parents home for picking up in 2020.

I think you should have a little registry set up. Just some things to upgrade, like towels for example. I feel like most people end up giving cash these days, even if someone has a registry. But, having a registry will allow people to get you a gift of something that you want and like.

Having a small registry is a good idea in the event that select family members ignore your wishes for monetary gifts. This way you'll at least receive a items from your registry you know you'll like (and/or utilize) rather than being gifted something chosen entirely by someone else.

You could always ask your family about storing those gifts for you until you're ready to move into your condo with your fiancé/husband.

All such great answers! My FH and I currently do not live together, and he actually just moved into the house we will be living in together after the wedding so we have slowly began to collect things we need around the house, and we decided to make a registry out of respect for my parents who really put up a stink about not having one. We don't really care if we get gifts or not, we will be adding in our invites that we will be accepting cards, but if they absolutely want to get us a physical gift they can go on our registry. (we will word it in a fun way , not being rude) We would rather have cash just so we can buy what we want and use some of the money for our honeymoon, but I dont think its rude to ask for cash.

I made up a Registry with the help of my daughter which is also my Maid of Honor, it also means that people, maybe not pick anything, but it's up too you. Maybe could have a small storage to put your things into or your parents closet your basement storage. I personelly ust picked out items that I be needing nothing more nothing less.

I went back and forth on this issue so much. For similar reasons, we decided not to do a registry. Then the awkward questions started rolling in, and I went back and forth again. In the end, we ended up with a few physical gifts, but most people understood that we've lived together for 4 years and would prefer monetary gifts over physical ones. There is absolutely nothing wrong, in this day and age, with saying, no we don't have a registry, contributions towards our future are appreciated (insert joke about how much stuff you own here if appropriate), no obligations whatsoever, just happy to have them at the wedding. just make sure your family is aware of the decision so they can field any questions of family that doesn't want to ask you directly. for our wedding shower, it was BBQ themed so we asked for contributions towards a new bbq and plan to get a nice one in the new year.

If you do decide to go the registry route I recommend myregistry.com

I was on the fence, off the fence and some days I wish we hadn't put one together but we might get to replace items that we currently have that need replacing, or even upgrading. Think minimally, do you have plates with chips in them that could use replacing? Or a toaster that maybe only toasts one side of your bread? lol

MyRegistry.com allows you to pick and choose from different stores so you know that your guests are getting the best price. It also doesn't limit you to the selection of one store or feeling like you need to make more than one registry.

Hope this helps even just a little bit (:

I'm struggling with this as well. My Mom wants to host a shower for me. I told her I wasn't planning on registering anywhere and I could see it kinda crushed her. I feel bad, so we're going to compromise. She gets to throw a shower and I will put together a SMALL registry but have a note that we would prefer for cash gifts that can go towards the honeymoon (in truth we will use the money for whatever we want, but that's what we'll tell people).

Most of the weddings I've been to more recently haven't even had the option of a registry for gifts. It's becoming a trend in modern weddings, I think, but some people (older family members especially) can be a bit old fashioned when it comes to this.

In my experience, I don't see many registries among friends and family. I think it's a cultural thing as well, but I see no problem asking for/expecting monetary gifts.

I don't think it's wrong at all. I have received many invitations that say right on it "monetary gifts appreciated". We will not be registering as we have been living together for over a year, we don't need anything for the house.

If you're going on a honeymoon some resorts let you register with them.

My brother had excursions and romantic dinners and things that you could buy them. I loved that idea.

Not a problem at all! We’re using myregistry.com and you can have a physical registry and a monetary one! We don’t have a lot of space in our house but looking to buy bigger in the future. We explained that the monetary registry is contributing to starting out lives together as a married couple for a down payment on our family house.

Some friends of mine got married in France (where both families were) but lived in Canada. They found a site - can’t remember what it was called - where they essentially listed items that they wanted like a registry, but then people gave cash online toward specific things. That way they could just buy the items when they returned to Canada rather than trying to schlep everything across the world. It was great. Something like that could work as you could explain the condo, then people understand why, feel like they’re contributing to something they can ‘see’ and you’re not stuck with storage issues

I'm a firm believer that if you don't specify a registry on the invitations, people will know how to gift you money without you having to mention it. And if there are a few straglers who decide to gift you something physical, keep you fingers crossed for a gift receipt lol.

I would make one! Just because there ARE people who dont like to give money... and you would rather them have SOMETHING to choose from than get you something random you really dont want!!

We’re doing a Honeyfund registry! This allows us to give a detailed description of our honeymoon plans so our guests can contribute to things like our flights, accommodations, food or activities for the honeymoon! We will also do a VERY SMALL registry elsewhere for those more traditional guests who insist on bringing a physical gift

Not wrong at all! The only reason I will be having a registry is because there are bound to be people who want to give us a physical gift (and we do have the room so I really can't find a way out of it) so we will have a small one that they can buy off of. Otherwise we will be putting in a cute little rhyme about how we already live together and have what we want but would appreciate money to help us out.

Totally not bad to ask for cash. For your Bridal Shower though, I'd pick the store you're most likely to get stuff for your home from (The Bay/Home Outfitters, or Bed Bath and Beyond, etc)... or pick a couple stores, then ask for gift cards towards those stores. That way the women feel like they are contributing to your new home, even though you need to purchase the items later.

For the wedding, if you don't do a registry, people usually assume cash, but if you're having a wedding website, you could do a registry page that explains that your new home is 'in the making', and that contributions towards your new adventure is the 'greatest gift they can give'.

I have a whole page on my wedding website describing our honeymoon, and how it's our first trip away travelling together, and how much it means to us.

Contrary to some opinions, asking for money is NOT rude. No "ruder" than giving people a list of items you want and telling them to pick. Gifts are a part of a wedding, and letting people know you'd prefer monetary gifts is an extremely helpful tip, so that people aren't 'wondering', or purchasing items that aren't wanted/needed! I see it as actually saving them money, rather than buying something you'll never use!

Good luck.