The never-ending guest list woes...

Yea I know how your feeling it's like never ending, afew people get it some friends & family MEMBERS seems to thinking well why do I need to send back RSVP's they know we're coming well no we don't really. People they should be smart enough to realize that the Cut off sooner then later for RSVP is April 15. If we don't recieve them we have a security guard and they better bring a sandwick no free food. I take sometime off every so often to catch my breathe. People think anyone in general : we're suppose to know everything, we're planning the most important day of our lifes . Family & Friends sending their RSVP back, is very stressful.. Not knowing who's coming or not. As others may have also mentioned others do try to make it about themselves, that's pretty funny. Just laughing it off . Have a great night

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Right?! Normally when we address it you put first and last name and say and family if means kids. But we only put the couples first names and last. People are actually trying to rsvp on website and getting annoyed saying not working... no it works just having your kids invited doesn't work for us.

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I find it hilarious that people think they are the exception to the rule! Like, no honey, this applies to you too hahaha

Funny that you mention it, because I have a feeling my cousin will think that or think we made a mistake on the invitation.

Guests sure know how to make it about themselves, eh?!

We are well below are max but I was stressing as I didn't want that huge number of people. What part stressed me was people being upset about kids or even after stating adult wedding people thought it didn't apply to them when they were mentioning the invites to me... It applies to everyone!! including my own family!

I feel you! Our venue is 120 max squished like sardines style so we have told parents and really anyone who asks that the max is 100 - because that is what we are aiming for. We had a guest list all worked out that was only around the tail end of 90's person mark, and then I realized a few of my cousins have SO at the moment so that bumped it up to 103 (105 including us) so I am feeling a bit edgy because I really just want to keep it 100 or under. We are quite far away from the wedding though, so I am just going to keep an eye on their relationship status because I feel like it might change before invites need to go out.

We went with first cousins only as well, no kids minus FH daughter (obvs) and little sister, who are both in the wedding party and will be 12, 9. We only had one specific venue in mind and so we knew to have the wedding there it would mean limited guests (no extended family or kids) - but even with knowing this is what WE want, its hard to explain that to people, esp family. I haven't actually had to deal directly with the no kids thing yet, and not looking forward to it at all. I was all calm about it until my dad mentioned that his side of the family might not be pleased with no kids, so that was my first OMG panic moment. But ultimately I just realized FH and I have to own our decision and it is what it is.

Guest list woe's indeed! Hang in there! As Ginny said, the average is 20% will be a "no".

Do not panic. There will be around 20% of your guests who can't make it

We drew the line at no partners unless they’re engaged, married, or have been together OVER 1 year. Still dealing with some of the same stress as you though lol

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Oh no!!! I hear you, we told our parents about the 120 max...and they all wanted us to invite more people. Now that we told them where we are sitting with our total, they have backed off!

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We drew the line at first cousins, so their spouses are invited but not their kids. This left us with 4 underaged kids at our wedding:

- 2 are my FH's first cousins, which is where we drew the line with invitations (first cousins)

- 2 are my FH's niece and nephew, whom will be our flower girl and ring bearer

We've added all of guests, vendors and included ourselves...so we're close to 115 people.

We made a huge mistake telling FH's mom that the venue could seat 160. So even though we wanted 120 MAX, she's like, "oh, well, there's room for more soooooo...."

Other moments of panic have been mostly to do with actually making decisions about vendors and then subsequently second-guessing those decisions. The only way to deal with it is to tell yourself at the end of the day, no one will care about tiny details only I will notice.

Try not to stress too much, having said that; I don't blame you.

As long as you're under the max then no worries. Have you added up the numbers you would have if everyone you invite including possible dates shows up?

That was what we did... a kind of worst case scenario planning. You may end up being below and then you can stop stressing.

Are you allowing kids to attend? We have requested no kids which also helps keep the guest list smaller.

It's all going to be okay! Or so we hope! Ughhh, this is why I ended up skipping the STD's for mine - the FH can't get his list together so I decided to wait until he can.

Then I will take it into my own hands if he hasn't finished up by the time of our wedding social.

As long as you are under your max. don't try and sweat too much, but don't allow any guests to add their own plus 1's (if it wasn't obvious all ready).

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Including vendors (DJ, photographers) and ourselves, we are inching closer to 115 people. Deciding where to draw the line with our guest list was hard enough, since our families didn't think it was fair to invite some first cousins but not others...but now I wish had been even "stricter" with our list.

The same thing happened to me- we had to add so many people after STD's. It made me so frustrated! Things are always changing with people's relationships though. How many people are you at now?

The worst part of hearing from family members that have partners not invited. It would be nice if they have met the family or come to any event held that you have met them personally to invite.

I was in the same shoes, not for family members; but husbands friends at the time whom I had never known or seen about until making the list or hearing about them while being together. I allowed it though for some and not all. Compromise on some and let the others know your fully booked to the max. Otherwise, we would love to accommodate your SO, yet the space is not available. Sometimes, its hard being harsh to those you love.

That's frustrating for sure! I've had some people come back to me after sending Save the Dates asking if their casual/new beau can come or if kids are allowed. It's hard to stand ground sometimes but we also want a more intimate wedding so it the long run it's worth it. We also don't want to rely on some guests declining to keep our numbers where we want them.

We are also trying to keep our guest list smaller because we are paying for a good chunk of the wedding ourselves.
I have sent out all the save the dates for my side of the family, but not FH side because they are still unsure who to invite.... we have also been getting comments from people asking if they get a plus one, when I had them as a single invite.
I feel bad saying no to family, but it will really come down to the amount of people we have coming in the end and if we can afford that plus one for some people

Oh dear. Yes i remember that stress of keeping it under a certain number. We’re almost done receiving our rsvps and the stress has come back - we are actually hoping more people can’t come. And then people who are single decoded to bring dates anyway - regardless that I asked that they don’t unless they were in a long term relationship.