Stag and Doe & Save the Dates

Thanks everyone. We are sending out our save the dates and if people decide that aren’t invited to the wedding don’t attend the stag and doe that’s most definitely their choice. We are going to live stream the ceremony so that people who we aren’t able to invite in person can still be a part of the big day.

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Stag and Doe is a Jack and Jill, just a different name. In rural Ontario, they're meant to be parties for random people in the community where they buy admission tickets to a party with food, drink, and entertainment. There's also a chance to buy into raffles to win prizes. It's not my thing but I can see the appeal in communities that are smaller and where there's not much to do.

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The stag and doe is a fundraiser? I thought that was a Jack and Jill?!
I agree with Hank, asking someone to contribute money to a wedding that they aren't invited to is uncomfortable. Inviting them and then afterwards telling them thanks for the money but you're not invited is shady and may lose you some friends. Small wedding or not, have a stag and doe with people who will actually be invited.

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I can't say I'm on board with your logic. Just be upfront about your intentions for a small wedding. What you're doing is pulling a gotcha by tricking them into attending a stag and doe to fundraise for your wedding but deem them not worthy enough to be included in your actual celebration. It comes off as treating your friends as a bank account to fund your wedding.

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I know you're having a small wedding, but traditionally it's unacceptable to invite someone to a pre-wedding event that isn't also invited to the wedding.
I personally wouldn't feel comfortable being invited to the pre-wedding events and not the wedding. If you're wanting to celebrate with people you can't invite to the wedding, I'd recommend doing it after you are married.

Maybe that's just me though.

Thanks for this post Cassandra!
I did not know what was a Stag & Doe and had to go do some research. Hahaha!

I believe should you really want to send STD, you send it before that event.

You have the choice to send out STD (Save the Date) electronically if you don't go for paper. An invitation has been sent this way recently with a link to youtube channel.

To avoid any confusion of the Save the date and Buck and Doe/Jack & Jill invitations, you can make them separate and mail them once so you save on the postage. This way your guests will be aware of when to keep the date open for arrangements made on their ends and to confirm their response of the Buck & Doe.

That’s kind of what we are worried about. If we send the wedding save the dates before our stag and doe that some of the people not invited to the wedding won’t come to the stag and doe! We are keeping our wedding pretty small because of the cost and because of the venue we picked!

I would send out your save the dates before your stag just so people are aware that you are having a wedding! I would personally be a little confused if I got an invite to a stag and no information about a wedding

We didn't do save the dates nor a stag BUT I'd send save the dates before the stag just so people are then expecting some wedding events. Also, personally, I'm way more likely to go to a stag for a wedding I'm invited to versus not. However, if you're not sure about your guestlist beforehand, obviously don't send them haha.