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Natalie
Curious June 2017 Quebec

Some kids invited and others not - how to handle awkward situations

Natalie, on April 4, 2017 at 22:25 Posted in Wedding reception 0 17

Hi everyone,

My future hubby and I both have big families. In my culture, it is very typical to have large weddings (300+ guests), but we wanted to keep things more intimate and not go overboard with our budget.

We set our guestlist to approx. 140 people and only invited family and a select number of friends and co-workers. In order to keep the guestlist manageable, we decided to draw the line and only include the children of immediate family and not those of friends/co-workers.

I've read a few forums/articles on the topic for guidance. If a particular couple's chlidren were not included in the wedding, we've been careful to address the invitation envelopes with only the names of the adults. Also, the online RSVP only lists the adults and they cannot add their kids.

I'm hoping that these measures will make the message clear for those concerned, but I anticipate that I may get questions or (gasp!) heat from the guests whose kids were exclude :/

Has anyone else had issues with telling that kids are not invited (ex. for an adult-only reception)? Other than explaining to them that only family can bring their kids, is there something else hubby and I can do to make things clear?

Or has anyone made exceptions to their own rule just to avoid drama?

Thanks in advance for your input!

17 Comments

Latest activity by Laura, on April 24, 2017 at 15:00
  • Laura
    Super September 2017 Alberta
    Laura ·
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    I like this! I think it is polite and to the point! Ultimately it is your wedding and people will either understand or they won't. Unless they are willing to contribute the extra for a larger venue and the other increased costs they don't get to have a say. Smiley heart

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  • Kate
    Expert July 2017 Ontario
    Kate ·
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    IDK, My Honest Opinion, children should not be at an adult function where booze is being served. just my thoughts.

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  • Tiffany
    Devoted October 2017 Ontario
    Tiffany ·
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    We plan on addressing the invitations to the adults only & we also have a website. I have included this in a couple different areas on our site - so it cannot be missed...

    *We will only be having 3 kids there and maybe a 1month baby. (that's the plan anyways)

    Are Children invited?
    We are sorry that we cannot invite your children. Due to capacity issues, we could only invite our immediate families children. We thank you for your understanding, and hope arrangements can be made that still allow you to attend our big day!

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  • Shannon
    Devoted June 2020 British Columbia
    Shannon ·
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    We don't have quite the same struggle as we are not even inviting kids of family members, so on the bottom of the invitation it simply says adults only reception to follow
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  • Sasha
    Super October 2017 Ontario
    Sasha ·
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    Yes exactly. Let us know how it goes! I'm sure your friends will be understanding hopefully Smiley smile
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  • Melinda
    Devoted September 2017 Ontario
    Melinda ·
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    I think that sounds totally reasonable. Maybe some of those parents will actually appreciate a night out without their kids.

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  • Ashley
    Beginner August 2017 Ontario
    Ashley ·
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    Hello! We are doing the exact same thing! There is nothing wrong with it and if people have a problem with that then they aren't reasonable. If they love you, they will understand. I'm adding something on the invites at the end like "Get ready for some grown up time!" Maybe not those words but something along those lines so they get the picture and do not ask about it. And if someone brings it up later with you. Tell them it's a space issue. I hope that helped
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  • Denise
    Frequent user May 2018 Ontario
    Denise ·
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    As long as you haven't gotten any backlash yet, it'll be fine. At the end of the day, you're paying for the wedding and it's your celebration. If anyone gets upset, I would defer to that reason -- the cost. It's an honest answer and if it offends anyone, then they aren't being very empathetic. Kids are expensive to host at weddings. (The venue we chose charges only $30 less for children -- the cost of the open bar.) If the person you invited wants to attend your wedding, then they'll respect your wishes. It's certaintly not uncommon to invite children of family. It's understandable. That's how I see it at least.

    If anyone asks, just have your key message. We regretfully couldn't have any children outside family due to the high cost or venue restrictions -- the venue wouldn't allow us to have over XX amount of people and we really wanted to have our wedding here. We wanted to make sure that yourself and the Smith family could come, even if it meant they couldn't bring their children. Something to that effect.

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  • Natalie
    Curious June 2017 Quebec
    Natalie ·
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    Same here. It's a bit of a touchy subject I'm meeting up with one of my close friends who has a baby and I feel i should make that clear if it wasn't already... Luckily, our venue say children under 2 are free so there's no impact on the budget but i can't have some friends be allowed to bring their children/babies and others not...that's why we limited to family only....hopefully that will go down well.
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  • Natalie
    Curious June 2017 Quebec
    Natalie ·
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    We had considered including everyone's kids but then we were looking at adding almost 30 more people! :/ our budget didn't allow it so we drew the line to family only. I haven't received any questions or backlash yet but my fear is that those with children assume they're included and show up at the wedding and we haven't organised the space/food to accomodate them...i couldn't find an elegant way to word on the invite/wedding website "children of family only" without coming off as rude....I'm hoping it won't be a problem but we'll see as the RSVPs start flowing in!
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  • Natalie
    Curious June 2017 Quebec
    Natalie ·
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    Hi Leah, yeah I hope so. I'm just trying to prepare for the worrst case scenario Smiley tongue thanks!
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  • Denise
    Frequent user May 2018 Ontario
    Denise ·
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    I'm in the same situation. For me, I feel that to be fair, all guests must be allowed to bring their children -- or none at all. If you invite some, and not others, that can be viewed disfavourably.

    I'm having a ~350 person wedding because based on my -- and my fiance's culture -- this is the norm. My parents want to implement a no child policy. My dad has said the wedding will become a "festival" if we invite kids. I agree with him.

    We're not going to say on the invitation that it's "adults only." We're going to tell people verbally, please avoid bringing your children. And we already have said this to many guests. Saying "adults only" in writing is very offputting based on my cultural background, but verbally expressing reasons why is more permissible. I can't speak to why you invited certain children over others, but if it had to do with cost, for example, that's pretty forgivable.

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  • Kenny & Fikayo
    Frequent user April 2017 Alberta
    Kenny & Fikayo ·
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    We put it clear and in bold - "Please RSVP for our Invitation and Adult only reception". Only children of immediate family aka FH's brothers kids, are invited.

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  • Erin
    Master September 2017 Ontario
    Erin ·
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    We are not having any children at our wedding other than my FH's 4 nephews as 2 of them will be ring bearers and they are all quite young. We told everyone at the beginning that children and dogs (outdoor wedding and some people are camping for the weeekend) are not invited. Our friends haven't made issue with it and most of them are actually treating it as an excuse to have a nice romantic adult-only weekend. I would say that the best bet is to be honest with people about your reasoning.

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  • Sasha
    Super October 2017 Ontario
    Sasha ·
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    I'm dealing with the same thing. We are having my nieces and nephews who are ages 10-14 but we don't want our friends brining their babies as we only have 40 guests. I'm doing the same as you, o my addressing to the adults and having the RSVP only for the adults but I'm scared some people might thing their 2 month old doesn't count as a guest or that by saying the couple is invited it means the kids are too. I don't know how to bring it up to them nicely
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  • Leah
    Frequent user April 2017 Quebec
    Leah ·
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    I think saying only family can bring kids is quite fine and people will respect that. The kids are your family too whereas your co-workers and friends kids are not.

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  • Zoë
    Master June 2020 Ontario
    Zoë ·
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    Hi Natalie,

    Welcome to the community! Smiley love

    I’m so happy to meet you here! I can't wait to get to know you more! It's a good question.. I think at the end you should do what feels right. Maybe you can tell your story in this discussions and see what the other brides-to-be will do.

    Kids at the reception yay or nay?

    Will kids also come to your wedding?

    How is the planning going so far? Did you already find a dress? Smiley heart

    • Reply

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