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Genna
Curious July 2022 British Columbia

Small wedding... But little family to speak of

Genna, on January 9, 2020 at 19:32 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 13
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This is my second wedding. First one was terrible. This will be my FHs first. He is a simple man. Maybe to much so lol. Any way we both agree we want a small wedding. His side has maybe 30 people and that's inviting aunt's and cousins etc. I have no idea at this point who he wants to invite as we haven't talked about it yet. He did however day no one is safe in regards to not being invited. He isn't super close to any family. His dad is an ass... His mom is reclusive.. His sister moved across country. He doesn't even have close friends. He's very private. He does have a son from a previous relationship that's 4.5yrs and lives in the states. We are in Canada. He would like him there but I know there may be issues getting him there thanks to the ex.


Now onto me. I have 2 kids, f11 and m8. They live with me and I definitely want them there at the wedding no matter what. My best friend is the closest thing to family I've got. I'm estranged from my actual family and barely even talk to my brother who I doubt will even come. My list of people are some friends and my list is about 15ppl. There are a few people I don't mind if they didn't come.
Here's my issue. I want the dress, I want the first dance, the cake.. The normal stuff but I wonder if this wedding is super small... Are those things even an option. Would seem silly I thought.
Second problem...I have no idea how small weddings even work. My daughter will be a bridesmaid.. My best friend my MOH... My son will walk me down the aisle.... But in his side.. He's got no one to date that he would use as those guy counterparts.
Really need some advice
Thank you all in advance

13 Comments

Latest activity by Ashley, on January 14, 2020 at 10:50
  • Ashley
    VIP August 2020 Ontario
    Ashley ·
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    Your wedding will be the same planning as any other wedding. so guest list, ceremony, dress, venue, suits, flowers, decor, dj, cake, entrances, songs etc etc. you need everything. first i would sit down with FH and make a rough guest list. you def have to invite his son... there is no question about that. he can fly him down and meet him at the airport terminal or have a airport staff bring him to your FH.

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  • Erin
    Newbie August 2020 Ontario
    Erin ·
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    View quoted message
    Cocktail reception..canapes, drinks..not a formal sit down event. Great for more informal smaller events. Would be ideal if you are not planning a dance afterwards.
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  • Genna
    Curious July 2022 British Columbia
    Genna ·
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    View quoted message
    What exactly is a cocktail dinner?
    • Reply
  • Erin
    Newbie August 2020 Ontario
    Erin ·
    • Dispute

    We are having a small wedding too, maybe 50 people. My first wedding was a total disaster too (common theme, it seems). My ex's father never even showed up-bit of a challenge since he was supposed to act as the witness, which is customary in French Canadian weddings.


    My daughter is a bridesmaid and like you, my son will escort me (they are both adults). While I love the idea of your son standing with your fiance, he will need a legal witness, which means, he does need an adult at his side at some point, as someone mentioned above. Does he have any co-workers with whom he is comfortable enough to ask them to act as a witness ? Who does he talk to most often about issues (besides you) ?

    I would agree with others, no seating plan, no "sides"...just allow things to flow as they flow (yes that's nerve wracking but sometimes needed). The idea of a simple cocktail-style reception is great too, avoids uneasy dynamics sitting through dinner and speeches or whatever.

    This is YOUR day...do what feels right for you both and ignore any negative comments (unless they want to help you pay for things, their opinion is just that..an opinion - you decide if it's worth listening to).

    • Reply
  • Geneviève
    VIP September 2020 Ontario
    Geneviève ·
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    You can have it all, 100%!

    I'm also having a 30 guest wedding and while we're not having dancing, we're still having a luxurious evening meal with a cocktail reception just like any other reception. Our venue has rooms for smaller parties and would allow dj setup and dancing if we asked for it. The key is to find that place where you can have it all and still have just a private get-together.

    • Reply
  • Rayanne
    Featured June 2022 Ontario
    Rayanne ·
    • Dispute
    I am in same boat I've been married before (its was a horrible day) and FH has not been married. We are doing a smaller wedding. I'm going to wear an actual wedding dress and we are doing whatever we want traditional or not. It's your day make it special.
    • Reply
  • S
    Newbie November 2020 Nevada
    Sheena ·
    • Dispute
    I would suggest Vegas!! My fiancé has been married once before and I don’t have a lot of family. I plan to have my son walk me down the isle and he want his boys as his best man. We plan on inviting friends and family, but could careless if anyone comes or not. Vegas accommodates anything you want from eloping to massive weddings. The best part is it’s very inexpensive and they know what their doing! Good luck with your planning!!
    • Reply
  • Kelly
    Expert September 2019 Manitoba
    Kelly ·
    • Dispute

    Absolutely do ALLLL the wedding things you want! Size of the guest list does not matter!

    I follow my florist on Instagram and shes always saying some of her most favourite weddings are the small, intimate ones with max 50 people. She loves doing florals in cozy restaurant venues, and making the day feel special for the couple.

    You don't need a wedding party at all, but you do need 2 witnesses to sign the marriage license. Its a nice idea to have your son stand with your fiance, however, I don't think kids can be a legal signor. Doesn't have to be a best friend, or male, and there's no written rule that says the witness has to stand up with you.

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  • Lisa
    Expert August 2019 Alberta
    Lisa ·
    • Dispute

    I agree with what others are saying - you can have all the bells and whistles you'd like, no matter how many people are there. Your son can stand with your FH, but you will need someone to legally sign as a witness as well - but that can even be another guest.

    • Reply
  • M
    Expert September 2019 Ontario
    Meaghan ·
    • Dispute
    My wedding was a total of 9 people and I did the dress, flowers, and limo. We would have done cake and first dance if we wanted to but we decided to pass.
    I think the only thing a really tiny wedding logistically won't have is lots of dancing. People don't tend to dance much if there is a really small group. But you could always try to do that, too, if you really wanted it.
    For our wedding our daughter was my MOH and our son was the Best Man. If your fiance doesn't have anyone for his side could your son be his Best Man rather than walk you down the aisle?
    • Reply
  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·
    • Dispute

    1. It wouldn't look silly at all. If you want that big dress, the grand entrance, etc. - this is your wedding and you should do what makes the two of you happy. Just because there isn't as many people to see it happen doesn't mean it shouldn't happen.

    2. What about having your son stand on his side? Otherwise maybe you could either have your kids sit down after walking down the aisle or just don't have anybody on his side. It doesn't have to be even on the sides.

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  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
    • Dispute

    We had a small wedding too of 72 guests of mostly family from my side making up on husbands side of small family and mutual friends and co workers. Its tough when family breaks things up due to their issues or lack of communication. I know this due to my fathers side that has strong personality within themselves.

    Invite guests that will be there for you to celebrate your new start as a married couple on your day. Make it the best time to enjoy with close friends and family being present.

    Grooms side of the wedding party can be someone that he is very close for years. Odd number each side if okay since its for a short time ceremony. If he stands alone and chooses that path, its fine too and just have a witness come up when needed to sign.

    Its understandable if his son can't make it due to his ex being the way she is and uncompromising behaviour. He does have the right to have him there as his wish.

    • Reply
  • Amelia
    Master October 2020 New Brunswick
    Amelia ·
    • Dispute
    Do whatever makes you happiest.
    We're having a small wedding of about 75 people (some days it feels more medium than small). We will have cake and drinks and dancing. No dinner! I also kept the dress and the photographer.
    I think having your kids involved sounds lovely. Hopefully his little one can be there, maybe as a groomsman!As far as guests go don't feel like you need to fill seats or have "even" sides. Invite who you want to share your day with whether that is 5 people or 56 people or 135 people.
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