Skip to main content

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Erika
Newbie July 2019 Ontario

Small Ceremony / Large Post Wedding "I Do BBQ" ??

Erika, on January 4, 2019 at 00:18 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 9

Hello everyone!
Warning: this is a lengthy post! Smiley tongue Thank you in advance to those who take the time to read and offer advice! Smiley heart

Alrighty, so the fiance and I have always loved the idea of a small, intimate ceremony. We decided to have our parents, siblings, and grandparents present for a short and sweet vow exchange on a Friday evening. To be followed by a larger scale, laid back, I DO BBQ style party on the Saturday. A band will be present, and backyard games as well.

We also chose not to have a wedding party, since we are deciding to have such a small/non traditional ceremony to begin with. Of course, some of our friends are a tad sad with this. Especially since it is also just our close relatives at the vow exchange.

When my aunt heard about me not having a bridal party... she automatically questioned who was going to throw me a bridal shower! She then insisted on throwing one for me. I am beyond thankful for this, but still can't seem to shake the selfish feeling lol! We already live together, and we are not having a large traditional wedding. With these 2 factors in mind....I feel as though the shower seems a bit needy on my end? There will be people attending the shower, who will not be seeing our vow exchange. However, they will be on the reception/bbq list most definitely! The venue is already booked, decor is purchased, etc... So it's happening! I just can't shake this selfish feeling!

Again.... with these two things on our minds... 1. some friends being upset because they are not attending the actually vow exchange, and 2. my feelings of guilt over the shower.... We are thinking of changing our initial plans of the small ceremony.

We are so torn. Should we stick to our guns about the small ceremony? Or choose to have the actual vow exchange on the same day, allowing more people to attend? Any advice is appreciated!

*SIGH* Thank you to those who took the time to read haha! When planning this laid back style wedding, we thought it'd be much less money, and stress. Appears it is more! :p

9 Comments

Latest activity by Erika, on January 5, 2019 at 00:41
  • Erika
    Newbie July 2019 Ontario
    Erika ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content

    SIGH. Wow, didn't think I would receive this many helpful comments! Thank you ladies!!! Spoke to him tonight and we are still quite set on our initial idea. I think I just got caught up in worrying what others would think. Terrible habit! For those that truly love us and want what is best for us, they will respect our decision! Truly over the moon with all of the advice I've received here! THANK YOUS! Smiley love Smiley kiss

    (Previously replied, but it has not appeared on the discussion yet.... either I am a newbie and this will appear twice, or it didn't work the first time! lol!)

    • Reply
  • Brittany
    British Columbia
    Brittany ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content

    My best example is, my cousin had more women at her bridal shower than guests total that went to her destination wedding. If someone is offering, and actively WANTING to throw you a shower, let them! I know it took me a minute to get over the idea of asking for gifts, and having people pretty much come to ooh and ahh over the bride... but I also had a wonderful time with lots of important ladies in my life!

    A bridal shower is something that a lot of women like to go to, regardless of the specifics of the wedding. Sometimes if you're doing something more minimal like a small ceremony or destination wedding, it's actually their chance to be involved, where they won't be otherwise.

    Honestly, although people act like "oooh what? We don't see you get married?".... it's the shortest/most boring part of the whole ordeal! haha... You can always have someone film it, and play a little clip of your vows at the BBQ? Or at least do a quick little slideshow so people can see it a little.

    I think you're fine just to play this out like a "normal" engagement/wedding, and hopefully your guests can just understand that you're having a VERY small private ceremony.

    • Reply
  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content

    Everyone pretty much got the main points, if you want the small ceremony, do it! Some people will be upset that they aren't invited but if it's what you want, then keep it the same.

    Also for the shower, don't feel guilty. I feel like it's a lot of attention on me, but I don't have much of a choice, my mom wants to throw one lol.

    • Reply
  • Casey
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Casey ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content

    This is your day! Stick to what you both want. Family and friends should respect this decision as it is your wedding!

    We have also lived together for almost 3 years, my step mom is still throwing me a shower and we are not doing a registry. So basically whatever monetary gifts will go towards payment for the wedding or honeymoon. If someone wants to throw you a party do not feel guilty at all! It gives you another chance to celebrate with your family and friends!


    • Reply
  • Erin
    Curious April 2020 Alberta
    Erin ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content

    Perhaps a compromise would be having some of the family you are inviting to the wedding make a video & take lots of pictures at the ceremony. Then put it all together in a short video & play that at your BBQ. Then everyone can still feel apart of it & you can edit it down to what you want to share

    • Reply
  • Stephanie
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Stephanie ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content

    Do what's best for you! I can understand some close friends being a bit disappointed about missing the ceremony but hey! If you want to keep it small and intimate with family they should respect that decision fully! This is YOUR wedding! And if you want a small ceremony, have a small ceremony! If you want to get married on top of a mountain, get married on top of a mountain! If you want to elope somewhere in Asia, elope somewhere in Asia! All I'm saying is focus on you 2! You cannot please everyone and it will be so much better making sure you guys please YOURSELVES first!

    Also re: Bridal Shower, I wouldn't worry about this looking needy in any way! A Bridal Shower is usually thrown and hosted by someone else and rarely does the Bride ever have much say on if one will happen or not haha! Now if you were doing a Stag and Doe to raise money for a ceremony no one was allowed to go to... now I think THAT would look a bit more selfish! Otherwise! I think it's a great time for you to celebrate with some of your friends the excitement of the wedding!

    Maybe ask your Aunt if the Bridal Shower can be a pot luck? And ask guests to bring something to share instead of a gift? Just a thought!

    • Reply
  • Lisa
    Expert August 2019 Alberta
    Lisa ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content

    I really don't think you need to change your plans - the small and intimate ceremony is what you and your FH want, so don't let feelings of guilt change your ideas and have you end up with something just to please others...Your aunt obviously wants to do this for you and so long as all of the people that are invited to that are also invited to the after party, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. The great thing about weddings these days is that we are able to do what we feel is right for us. Most people understand that.


    Happy planning!! Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content

    Congrats on the engagement! And yes, the stress seems to find it's way to a bride no matter the wedding Smiley tongue

    I would say to do what you originally intended - a small ceremony. The only reason big enough for you to change your mind would be if you and your FH wanted a big ceremony for your own reasons. Sure, friends may get hurt - but it's not their wedding and if you want something intimate and something that you just want a handful of people to witness then that is what you should do.

    As for the shower - I see no reason why not to have one! If you weren't having a reception at all then it would be seen as greedy but I think it's perfectly acceptable to still have one. Most of wedding $$ goes towards the reception anyways so to not be invited to the ceremony is not a big deal (at least to me). For my wedding me and my FH are putting on the invitations that the ceremony is optional (plus we have limited seating) but that reception will follow immediately so if they show up while the ceremony is taking place they have to wait outside the grounds.

    • Reply
  • Alexandra
    VIP November 2019 British Columbia
    Alexandra ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content
    Doesn’t matter how we plan- the stress is always bigger than expected!!

    For what it’s worth I don’t think you’re being selfish at all by keeping your ceremony immeadiate family only. If people give you hassle you’ve just got to use the excuse that you didn’t have the budget to have everyone there and you didn’t want to have some people invited and some people not so you kept it simply immeadiate family. Most people shouldn’t. Friends might be a little upset they’re missing out on the big moment- which is a fair feeling to have- but that shouldn’t be something that they’re throwing back on you.

    As for the bridal shower tell your aunt youd you’d love to have a party because it sounds like it would mean more to her to be able to host one, and just ask that she lets people know that you don’t really want gifts, you just want their company and to have fun!

    I hope you make a decision that’s for you, not for anyone else though. If you really don’t want to do something, don’t. It’s your big day, not theirs. Good luck!
    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

Groups

WeddingWire Article Topics