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Becca
Frequent user September 2017 Quebec

Should the guests pay or nah?

Becca, on March 21, 2017 at 01:33 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 24
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Hi everyone!Im having a hard time making a decision with my FH and my family because they want to make the guests pay their plates for the wedding. I understand that planning a wedding can cost a lot, But I'm not comfortable with this...is it inappropriate to make the guest pay... or is it something totally normal馃Thx

24 Comments

Latest activity by Becca, on March 23, 2017 at 11:29
  • Becca
    Frequent user September 2017 Quebec
    Becca
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    Thx lissa!!!
    • Reply
  • Becca
    Frequent user September 2017 Quebec
    Becca
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    Wow My aunt wanted to do the same thing smh I said no lolll
    • Reply
  • Rekramer
    Expert November 2018 Ontario
    Rekramer
    • Dispute

    Its traditional in my culture to tell people on the invitations how much their seat costs, and they give with that as a guideline. I have been told that is rude in Canada, but I think doing it through second-hand assistance of the family doing the major inviting is acceptable.

    • Reply
  • Denise
    Frequent user May 2018 Ontario
    Denise
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    Hey Becca,

    As someone having a 350-400 person wedding -- ideally I'd like everyone to pay for their plate at the minimum. My mother-in-law (who is inviting most of the guests) is casually slipping mentions to her friends like, "the wedding is $95 a plate and kids are this amount as well." She's prepping guests to give a decent amount.

    To also soften the blow, in case people don't pay what's expected, I've made sure to cut costs wherever I can to bring the cost per person to a low amount ($135ish). For e.g., renting candelabras instead of buying flowers, renting a wedding dress instead of buying, buying invitiations overseas on my next vacation to Turkey, etc. I'm not going to spend a monstrous amount of money for a wedding in the event that people don't pay what they're supposed to.

    Hope that helps.

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  • Tiffany
    Devoted September 2018 Quebec
    Tiffany
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    I've never heard of it until a friend told me she knew someone who was asking guests to pay for half their plate. I find it tacky though and would not do it myself. We're shopping for cheaper meals to stay within budget
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  • Lisa
    VIP May 2018 Ontario
    Lisa
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    In my opinion asking for money is completely tacky and rude! It's something that is implied, you give enough to cover the plate at minimum and a gift for the bride and groom on top of that of what you can afford. Putting that stipulation on your guests is like putting a price on friendship. If couples are having a wedding to "make money" then you have to be strategic in your planning. Guests shouldn't have to pay for a couples lavish tastes. As Simone mentioned above, we did the same. My fiance and I came up a budget for our large group and are making sure we stick to it so we can at minimum break even. And if we make a little extra bonus! But under no circumstance are we making it our guests responsibility to pay for a budget that WE decided on. That's not fair to our guests. In addition, your family and close friends can drop hints on how much the plate is without making it a requirement in casual conversation. Example, my cousins wedding is $186 a plate!!! I found out from the brides mother (my MOH! See my dilema already lol) A bit steep in my view, however because it's someone close to me, I'm already saving for it. And if I couldn't afford it, I would make a decision not to go. Honestly, if that was requested of me I wouldn't attend. Because it's not me the couple wants there but my cheque book! I'm sure you'll work it out! Good luck!
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  • Sabrina
    Curious July 2017 Ontario
    Sabrina
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    From my experience we've always given the bride and groom money in hopes it would help cover expenses for the big day. My mother asked me to ask to make a note that momentary is accepted. I said no way!
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  • Becca
    Frequent user September 2017 Quebec
    Becca
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    Hooooo i like the idea of potluck!! I like the community approch!
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  • Leah
    Frequent user April 2017 Quebec
    Leah
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    I had never heard of this until this year when a friend of mine got invited to a wedding and she had to send $50 so that she could go! Plus they still expected wedding presents.

    We are not asking people to pay for their plate however we have requested the people bring a bottle of wine or a dish to share for the potluck supper instead of a wedding present. That was the only way to be able to invite all the people we wanted to invite. We are providing all the meat (burgers, pork loin,and hot dogs) as well as a 50 L keg of beer and buying cases of beer. We'll be making side dishes as well but we've had a bunch of people volunteer with various salades (potato, macaroni, cousous etc).

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  • Tiffany
    Frequent user September 2017 Ontario
    Tiffany
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    It's a little grey area. Typically if guests give you a montary gift, it will normally cover their plate and a little more. You shouldn't ask them straight up for $$ to cover their plates, but you can indicate you prefer money over gifts.

    In my invite I wrote "Montary gifts preferred"

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  • Becca
    Frequent user September 2017 Quebec
    Becca
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    Yes exactly! i think it should be their choise, thx for your feedback
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  • Louise
    Devoted September 2017 Quebec
    Louise
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    I live in Montreal and typically at weddings guests will give enough money as a gift to cover their plate and a little extra for the bride and groom. However I think it is their choice to do this and should not be forced to pay an amount.
    It's common courtesy as a guest to at least pay close to what the meal costs or to bring a gift close to that value.
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  • Simone
    Master August 2017 Manitoba
    Simone
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    Your welcome Becca. I understand the stress of wedding planning and cutting stuff out. In the end, it will all work out. Hang in there. Smiley smile
    • Reply
  • Lesley
    Super September 2017 Manitoba
    Lesley
    • Dispute
    Unless this is something that is common in your community, I would not have guests pay for their plate. I would just have less guests or different food.
    Cake & punch always sounds fun to me or a laid back homemade BBQ in the backyard.
    Good luck!
    • Reply
  • Becca
    Frequent user September 2017 Quebec
    Becca
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    I agree with you!
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  • Becca
    Frequent user September 2017 Quebec
    Becca
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    Yea cause according to me it doesn't make sense to make people pay!
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  • Becca
    Frequent user September 2017 Quebec
    Becca
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    Thx we are also on a budget, so we probably will have to cut some stuff in the wedding... it's so stressful
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  • Becca
    Frequent user September 2017 Quebec
    Becca
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    Exactly! Both of our families are planning to do Bridal shower, so I don't see the point of making my guest pay
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  • Becca
    Frequent user September 2017 Quebec
    Becca
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    Thx for your feed-back!
    • Reply
  • Kenny & Fikayo
    Frequent user April 2017 Alberta
    Kenny & Fikayo
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    Yea I've never heard of guests paying for their plate before. I'd much rather not be invited than be asked to pay for a plate. Then again, cultures and perception differ so...My advice is, know your audience.
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  • Chelsea
    Master August 2017 Ontario
    Chelsea
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    I definitely wouldn't ask people to cover the cost of their plate. Most guests will bring a gift or money anyways just because it is the norm when you go to a wedding. i would just have a wedding registry! Asking someone to cover the cost of the plate for an event you are throwing and they are your guests could offend a lot of people!
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  • Simone
    Master August 2017 Manitoba
    Simone
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    Hi Rebecca, I have heard of a rare case of guest who was asked to pay for their plate at a wedding and decided not to give them a gift as a result. I would reccomend that you not charge them for a plate as it's usually paid by family and/or couple. Another option is to compare prices to see which plate is affordable per person. We did this as we are on a budget, so we don't overspend. All the best.
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  • Sasha
    Super October 2017 Ontario
    Sasha
    • Dispute
    I definitely would not charge for plates. Especially if you have a gift registry. I know someone that put on their invitation something like "please pay 100$ to cover the cost of your meal" or something on the invite and people were not impressed haha
    • Reply
  • Jen
    VIP June 2018 Ontario
    Jen
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    I've never heard of guests paying for their plate.....I think its rude (in my opinion) to invite them to an event held in your honour then make them pay for it.

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