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Carrie
Newbie October 2020 British Columbia

Sharing Cost of Wedding

Carrie, on September 23, 2019 at 10:52 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 5
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Like many of you; this is my first experience doing this. FH and I, as well as, my parents are helping to contribute to the wedding. My FH’s parents have always said that they could help. My world was rocked when my FH said he talked to his parents and they said they couldn’t help financially but would pay for the wedding bands ($500). Now, I wouldn’t be writing this if they couldn’t afford to help us as that would be different. How can I expect my parents to help pay when FH’s side isn’t contributing but are planning on attending. It’s going to make things so awkward and not a great way to start.

I feel that either both contributes or neither contributes out of fairness. If neither contributes, FH and I will have to postpone as there’s no way we can afford it for the date we have planned. Someone talk me off my ledge, please. Lol

5 Comments

Latest activity by Carrie, on September 23, 2019 at 11:52
  • Carrie
    Newbie October 2020 British Columbia
    Carrie ·
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    Ok, ok. I get it. I had a selfish moment and posted. Not going to do that again. If I can delete this posting I would. I have heard what you are saying and the message was sent loud and clear so please, do not comment to agree with others as it doesn’t make me feel very good.
  • Casey
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Casey ·
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    I have to agree with both Meaghan and Kelsie. It may be blunt, or tough love, but no one should be expected to pay for your wedding. You are getting married knowing that a wedding is going to be expensive, if you can't afford the wedding that you want, keeping an open conversation with family, or doing a small ceremony and postponing the big party.

    I have paid for a good chunk of our wedding myself. The vendors, the favours, the decorations, pretty much everything, with some help from my side of the family. I don't expect help from my in laws, we haven't asked at all.

    It is hard to hear, but its better than sugar coating it and you stressing out about money, and creating family drama because someone isn't "Chipping" in as much as they should

  • Kelsie
    Master July 2021 Ontario
    Kelsie ·
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    I know this is very kind of blunt, so I apologize, but I agree with Meaghan.

    I don't think family, or anyone else for that matter, has an obligation to chip in for a wedding. It's their own decision to decide if they want to (and can) help financially.

    My FH and I are paying for our wedding ourselves, with the exception of some money from my parents (ie my mom paid for flowers), and my FH's family is helping with the shower. We never expected anyone to contribute to our wedding because, quite frankly, they don't have to - they aren't getting married - we are.

    If your FH's family, or your family, can't or won't chip in - have the wedding you can afford (reduce the budget, do some DIY projects, etc.), or push the date to save for the wedding you want.

  • Kristen
    Curious October 2021 Ontario
    Kristen ·
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    Hi!
    IMO I think that any help is great help no matter which side it comes from and doesn’t always have to be equal.
    My parents are doing a lot more but it hasn’t bothered me that my in laws can’t help as much. My parents are helping me as their daughter at the end of the day, it doesn’t make one side of the family better or worse I see my in laws as equals in the wedding it’s still their son getting married.
    I think the best way to go about it is to keep the conversation of what your parents are helping with separate to your in laws side to avoid having anyone feel bad or the awkwardness. That’s been what has helped me during this process!
    Hope that helps!
  • M
    Expert September 2019 Ontario
    Meaghan ·
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    I don't know if this will talk you off the bridge but...
    No one is obligated to help fund your wedding. If you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to pay for it. Their offer to pay for the wedding bands is *very generous*. How much money they have or make isn't a factor.
    If your parents are willing to contribute more than that is wonderful but it doesn't need to be matched by anyone else.
    Many (most?) of us paid for our weddings ourselves. I tell you this to provide some perspective.
    Have the wedding you can afford and be grateful for any financial help you are offered.
    Happy planning!

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