Self perception

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My husband is the same. I struggle with weight loss and he wants to gain several pounds. We ended up having different diet plans. I cook for him following this guide https://betterme.world/articles/weight-gain-foods-list/ It provides me with the list of products and then I look for the recipes. Maybe it will be useful for your sister. And I myself have a plant-rich diet, packed mostly with fruits and veggies. Also, intermittent fasting works for me.

Oh, I'm not alone who gained weight during the last few years. I used to be skinny, but now have to lose weight. My sister has the opposite problem. She can't gain weight and she is getting married in 8 months. I, unfortunately, can't help her much as things that make me gain weight don't work much for her.

I struggle with this a lot too. I put on a lot of weight since meeting my fiancé (we both have) but I tend to fluctuate a bit. I’ve been working out and eating healthy all that jazz but I’m still heavier than I want to be. One thing, which I really appreciate, is that when I put on my wedding dress I feel so beautiful and I actually don’t notice my weight in it. I don’t feel fat, I don’t feel squeezed into it at all, I don’t feel like it’s unflattering. I hope you all feel that way in your dresses!
I’ve shared my concern about my weight with my photographer and she said that she will make a conscious effort to take the posed photos at more flattering angles.

I'm so glad other women feel the same struggles as me. I initially lost weight in order to meet my FH (we were online friends for two years before meeting in person); but as soon as we got together, the pounds starting creeping back on. I was the happiest I'd ever been but also the heaviest I'd ever been, so there were a lot of mixed emotions. After 7.5 years of being together, I've struggled to get back down to my goal weight. However, my FH always says that I look good to him and he doesn't care if I lose weight or not.

Right now, I am trying to lose weight before the wedding, but I'm also trying really hard not to beat myself about it. One thing that has helped me is going to the gym with my sister. We motivate each other; and even if we don't end up losing a single pound, we will be healthier. I think that's what's most important in the end.

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Love that idea! Thank you

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Take 'em all with you! I took outfits I didn't wear, I have ones I did wear that we didn't end up using any pictures from. One of my favourite pictures ended up being in my FH's work shirt (he didn't know I took it) with a pair of super hero panties that featured his favourite super hero!

I hated so many of my engagement photos, I just feel like they were not flattering at all. Those were taken in October, and the past few months I have been actively trying to lose weight so I don't feel that way about my wedding photos. I can't tell at all if there has been a change in how I look even though people tell me I look thinner. It's really hard the pressure we out on ourselves, and we really are our worst critics.

Thank you everyone! I’m glad to know that I’m not alone in feeling this way as a long term thing as well as in relation to the wedding! Lots of helpful tips 😊

View quoted message Yes! This is exactly how I feel, with the biggest concern not being comfortable in my own skin. Thank you for sharing 😊

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Love the photo's Peggy! I have a boudior shoot next wek and tad nervous. I have a few outfits but not sure what to wear still lol

Real talk: A lot of the time, we are our own worst critique! I totally get where you are coming from, and I think almost every woman experiences this at some point or another.

When I was younger, I struggled with an eating disorder/body image. No matter how much I lost, I saw a fat kid in the mirror. Eventually, my parents intervened and got me back on track. I still struggle with the image part sometimes and I have thoughts of: "just starve yourself a bit" but I know what darkness lies ahead going down that road.

Now I try better to eat healthy, but I don't always have time for that. So I go to the gym more regularly and think I'm not doing this for x,y,z, reasons, I'm doing it for me! I do it to feel better about myself as I find after exercise I feel better than I did before hitting the gym.

I find society is not helpful too, especially with tabloid magazines pointing out cellulite, stretch marks on healthy people. As long as your body is healthy, who cares? As long as your FH loves you the way you are, who cares? Most women have something they want to change about themselves, but also most women don't look like the Photo shopped images in magazines. I have cellulite/stretch marks/stomach fat now, but I'd rather be that than the anorexic kid who almost got hospitalized.

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These are beautiful!!!

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Mine was fantastic - the photographer is a friend of mine who is a professional photographer that specializes in boudoir shoots.

My biggest tip - find someone you are comfortable with. You HAVE to be comfortable with them - you're getting naked/mostly naked. That said, by the end of our shoot, I was walking around in just my panties as if it were perfectly normal and it didn't bother me at all.

The other tip - Don't wait! You don't need to lose weight to feel and look stunning! I took my pictures at the heaviest I have ever weighed (just shy of 250 lbs). I am now down about 10 lbs, and I'm so glad I went when I did. Plus, I now have an excuse to go again when I lose more weight!

I also learned - you don't have to wear sexy lingerie to be hot as heck! The last picture - I was literally wearing nothing but pearls, and then the photographer draped some sheer fabric over my lap to get a 'goddess' feeling.

Here's a few of the shots (Hope I don't offend anyone with these!)

I go back and forth from being confident to being self conscious.. after 3 months of dating my FH went to ontario for a military course and it absolutely broke me. Once I get attached to someone I have a really hard time not seeing them. long distance is really hard for me - so when he was gone I was often sad so I would eat my feelings.. and next thing you know six months later im almost 30lb heavier.. and i'm so ashamed of it. He still loves me no matter what size I am and always tries to help me feel confident but I still look in the mirror and wish I had spent that time working out to relieve stress not eating. So now, my FH and I go to the gym together all the time and i'm trying to lose the weight and change my lifestyle around because I want to feel good in my skin. So yes hunny, almost every single woman will struggle with this at some point in time! You just need to know that he loves you and even if you lose or gain a few pounds he will still love you. Plus as women we should support one another, and just know that you are absolutely gorgeous! Positive self talk is HUGE! whenever you have a creeping thought of you aren't where you want to be or you're not skinny enough just think to yourself.. no.. i am beautiful and confident and I love my body. and just turn those bad thoughts into good ones and it might be weird at first but trust me - its worth it

Honestly, try eating healthy food! I had the same thing happen to me. I cut a lot of junk out and eat healthier mixed with going to the gym a few times a week and i now fit in my dress

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How was your boudior shoot? I just emailed a photographer to hopefully get some done for my FH gift as well. Super self conscious, so I want to lose a bit more weight before I go!

I completely understand how you feel! I was actually having this conversation with my FH the other night. When we met each other we were in the best shape ever. I was very small and worked out quite a bit, and he worked out and ran 5k all the time. Once we settled into this comfortable stage with eachother we gained a lot of weight and are now working on getting rid of it.

I held off my engagement pictures until I lost a little bit of weight, and even then I only liked a few of the pictures where I looked skinny.

You are not alone in this feeling, everyone wants to look their best on their wedding day. What has helped me, is just reminding myself that I am marrying my best friend, and he loves me no matter what.

Not at all alone!

I have always been the fat girl - in elementary and junior high, kids called me 'Piggy'; things like that stick with a girl! We carry that stuff with us for the rest of our lives.

I am a size 18/20 street size, and weigh the most that I ever have in my entire life. But being with my FH has actually helped me learn to love myself more - he always tells me how beautiful I am. He'll be walking up the stairs behind me and tell me how great my butt looks. When I have my worst self perception days, I try and look at myself through his eyes instead.

Two things I've done during the wedding planning have helped me.

One was doing an engagement shoot with our photographer - it let me see how she would really capture me/us, and not what I saw in my head. I think that will really help me relax and fully trust her on my wedding day.

The second was doing a boudoir photoshoot for my fiancé's grooms' gift. It sounds counter intuitive, but getting naked and nearly naked for photographs, hearing the photographer tell me how I have such natural sensuality, and then seeing the stunning photos really has changed how I see myself. Sure, I'm fat, but I am gorgeous and fierce too.

Girl you are not alone! I've gained weight in the last few years, and haven't felt comfortable in my skin for a while. Getting our engagement photos back was difficult as I could see the weight I had put on, and I wasn't happy.

I just want to feel confident and comfortable with my body. Its not really about wanting to loose weight for the wedding, its about losing weight for myself.

I think how you manage your self perception really depends on what you want....for myself, I'm managing it by making change, and committing to living a healthier lifestyle.

I’m struggling with evreything about my appearance, from weight to hairstyle to hating everything about my face. I’ve had lifelong body image issues, so this isn’t 100% wedding related, but I am still feeling really thrown off and dreading being in pictures and having people look at me. My FH is very supportive but doesn’t understand that these insecurities can’t be solved by him saying “it’s ok babe you look great.”

My way of coping has been to actively suppress negative self-talk. I read somewhere that if you wouldn’t say something to your friend, you shouldn’t say it to yourself. So I am trying to be a friend to myself. It’s not a perfect cure, but it is helping a bit.

Yea I am def struggling hard right now. Since I have met him I gained near 40 pounds and can't believe let it go that far. I am trying to eat more healthier. Started with actually eating breakfast- I do smoothies and then I need to meal prep the rest. I am hoping it gets nice out as so cold to go outside and want to start jogging again.

My FH loves the way I look know compared to before, I am the one who has hard time dealing. He is supportive though and offered to eat healthier with me. So we are trying this, except pay days he orders himself a large pizza lol We are trying take out less too

I think all of us do in one way or another... we are our toughest critics all the time! I'm actually struggling with a bit of back fat that pokes out from my dress, I am working on toning it down now but I also bought a shall so if it really bothers me I can hide it away!

I think many of us do! I’m 35 and I’m so bummed I’m going to look older in my wedding photos! Plus I’m bigger then I was hoping to be at this point. But the truth is our FHs love us for exactly who we are right now. And it bothers us, not them. Take a deep breath, you’re going to look amazing on your wedding day. We are our own worst critic.

Plus size bride here.
I was really apprehensive to go dress shopping, but was pleasantly surprised with the dress store and the experience.

In general I’m an introvert that doesn’t like being in the spotlight even when I was at my slimmest.

I’ve also returned to a fitness routine that goes beyond just trying to lose weight for the wedding. I want to be healthier and stronger and if that results in weight loss so be it.(I’ve been going to F45 3-5 times a week since January)

As part of the planning process, I’ve been challenging myself to get out of my head and step out of my comfort zone and I encourage you to do the same.

I also recommend finding a photographer that knows how to capture you at your best. Maybe even make take some trial photos.

Be kind to yourself and try to get out of your head, so you’ll be able to enjoy your big day!

This is why I don't like pictures of myself and have very few of me from the age of 15-20...

I just know that if you avoid pictures like I did then you end up regretting not having them later, so I try and tell myself that about the E-pics and for the wedding pics.

On top of that, it doesn't hurt to try different angles to see what looks best pose wise.

Oh, and try and keep reminding yourself - your FH isn't marrying the girl he first met, he's marrying you now, as you are, and loves you unconditionally!